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how soon is too soon,but how long is too long??????

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by jonb, Nov 15, 2012.


  1. jonb

    jonb PetForums Senior

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    sorry for such a strange sounding question for my 2nd post.......anyway up until july this year we had 3 dogs and 3/4 cats(one a stray..)in July taz my other halfs female collie/retreiver suddenly died then last week,sophie my collie/german shep became ill and had to be put to sleep this monday,so mollie,who is 6 and taz`s pup is on her own.
    after taz died we had talked about a younger dog as a friend for mollie,but I feel its waay to soon,still find missing taz hard and the loss of sophie is still painful
    but on the thought is do we leave mollie our only dog,worried she may decide she is one dog in a house of catss.
    sorry if makes little sense I can`t sleep:rolleyes5:
     
    #1 jonb, Nov 15, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2012
  2. kellyamina

    kellyamina PetForums Junior

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    why do you feel its too soon?
    Is it because people say to wait, or because you really feel yourself its too soon.
    If you really feel its too soon, then its too soon.....if on the other hand youre ready, and are just worried about what people think or what youre *supposed* to do, then go for it!
    You know youre not replacing the other dogs, no dog will do that, so why not?
    Theres nothing like a puppy or new dog to take your mind off your grief...and I dont see that as a bad thing.
    You can still miss the other dogs...it doesnt make you a bad person :)
     
  3. tiatortilla

    tiatortilla PetForums VIP

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    i agree, and i'm sorry for your loss.
    when a friend's family lost their jack russell, he said they didn't want to get another dog as they didn't want to 'replace' him but he said the house felt empty and they missed the sound of him clicking about so within a week they went to the rescue centre and got another, as that was right for them. i think only you know if you're ready, good luck :)
     
  4. princeno5

    princeno5 PetForums VIP

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    i lost prince 7 weeks ago,we waited only 3 wks and got ben,BUT i havent bonded with ben very well,im still missing prince so much it hurts,ben does keep me busy and im sure we will bond.its a personal choice,if you already have dogs maybe sooner rather than later so they bond before yours gets used to being single and spoilt!.
     
    #4 princeno5, Nov 15, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2012
  5. brackenhwv

    brackenhwv PetForums Senior

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    its 6 weeks since I lost my old girl, she was my introduction wirehaired vizslas, and knew I wanted to have another one but we knew Brackens time was short with us so I knew when she went later I would get another one, however fate kind of stepped in and a litter close to me became available, they are a rare breed in uk, so we had our new girl for a few weeks, before bracken was pts. Rosie is no way a replacement for Bracken but is a compliment to Bracken as how much I love this breed. I still miss my girl but each dog brings it's own things to you .
     
  6. BananaBassett

    BananaBassett PetForums Senior

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    Personally, I would not get over grieving for my dog for a long, long time if we ever lost him.

    However, I would probably allow myself to get another as soon as I could because, for me, I need something to love, and I find animals - dogs especially- to be healing and comforting.

    Of course the new dog would never replace your old, dearly loved ones, but if you feel it will help you, your current dog, and your home to feel complete and more balanced, then go for it.

    Only you will know when you are ready to see a new face alongside you.

    So sorry for your loss x
     
  7. dorrit

    dorrit PetForums VIP

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    Its a bit like asking ...How long is a piece of string?



    The time each person needs to grieve and recover differs.
    Max was gone three months before Oscar came and even then it was a break in that prompted his adoption not my wish for another dog. Oscar became my best friend but our bonding did take time.

    My neighbour has never been able to face the idea of another dog because of the heartbreak when she lost her friend 18 yrs ago...

    You will know when it feels right for you follow your own feelings and dont get pushed into anything just because someone else says you should.
     
  8. goodvic2

    goodvic2 PetForums VIP

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    There would be no better legacy for your last dog to help another.

    Kennels are tough this time of year.

    A rescue dog will give your dog a companion and save the life of another. :)
     
  9. IncaThePup

    IncaThePup PetForums VIP

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    I am looking for a dog BEFORE my older one passes away. She will be 12 next March. Although our previous family pets lived to 17 there's no guarantee that Inca will and she just seems to be older in her ways recently.

    Added to the fact she helps me cos I'm disabled so I would be really stuck if she passed away suddenly and left dependant on social services with no reason to get up or leave the house.

    I'm hoping to get a puppy next week and start him training to take over. I'm hoping he will kind of rejuvenate her and she will enjoy taking part in teaching him and live to 17 like our past dogs did.

    I have deliberately chosen a dog that looks like he could have been her son (if she'd mated with a B & W BC) and getting from a young age in the hope that she bonds with him and takes him under her wing and teaches him.

    After she passes away I feel I'll still have a link to her like she left her son to look after me, which I feel would be a comfort and I don't have to feel guilty about replacing her with another dog after her passing, which to me it would feel more like , if I wait until after the event.
     
    #9 IncaThePup, Nov 15, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2012
  10. joyous growler

    joyous growler PetForums Member

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    Hi princeno5,

    I know how you feel, to lose a good friend can be shocking to all of us sometimes. How much ... depends on us as well.

    This can be a weird, Janus-faced situation; you feel sorry for the old; however, there is a new around you. And the point is in there.:)

    For my part, I had about 39 different dogs in my lifetime. There was a time when I had three dogs simultaneously, and it was so, when there was only one.

    And I confess, there was a time when I didn't take any dog because I lost one and my heart was heavy. And at another times, the appropriate circumstances were missing.

    But, our life is a circle. The trees lose their leaves, but this is also the beginning of the revival. And a new dog helps our renevals, I believe.

    So, Ben will help you to innovate yourself, and to forget bad thoughts. Please, live with this great opportunity.:)

    All the best,

    Alex
     
  11. HandsomeHound

    HandsomeHound PetForums Senior

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    As the others have said, only you know whether it's too soon or not.

    When my first dog died, we thought about a different breed, and wanted a rescue. After 5 months, we decided that we didn't want to wait any longer, so got a puppy. When he died, aged nearly 13, we knew we would definitely get a rescue, and within 2 weeks one became available. We went to see him, and knew immediately that we would take him. He was with us for nearly 12 years, until he died last August. We've been without a dog since then. Not my choice, my OH was so upset (he was much more involved with HH than the 2 before) that he wasn't ready. I'd have had another immediately, not to replace HH, no dog could do that, but because I missed the company, the walks and just having a dog in our home.

    We used the time doing things that we know we won't be able to do once we get another dog, and hopefully, early next year, we'll be able to welcome another rescue in to our lives.
     
  12. princeno5

    princeno5 PetForums VIP

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    What a lovely post,thankyou,im sure i will bond with him soon,its just hard i lost my bestest mate.
     
  13. GingerRogers

    GingerRogers PetForums VIP

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    Sorry for your loss Jonb (and everyone else) like everybody says, it is entirely up to you. If you feel happiest getting a dog right now as a companion for Mollie and to help fill your house up again (it must seem very empty with two gone :()

    Like HH we used the time since we lost Rory in April doing things we couldn't do with him (he had his issues bless him :rolleyes:) and we didn't think we would get another dog just yet. I especially felt it would be too soon, if ever that I wanted another, the thought of going to a rescue was too much, Rory was a staffie cross and I felt we would come home with a 'replacement'. Then Ginge popped up needing a home and we agreed we would take her on. All I can say is I am glad she is so different to Rory or I would be comparing them now (and not favourably :eek:) !!
     
  14. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    I would hate not to have a dog and have seldom only had one but have been left totally without a dog for a week once. That was as long as I lasted! There is no right or wrong answer but I always feel sorry for those that will not get another dog as they miss their old one too much. I feel they are not really wanting a dog in their lives though so maybe it is the right choice for them.
     
  15. Oscar12

    Oscar12 PetForums Member

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    I knew that Tia didn't have long left ( lot's of health problems and had HD, in the end she really struggled to move let alone walk )
    My OH got Oscar at the end of June and we had every intention of getting another puppy but waiting until he was older. Ended up with Maisie at the end of August, she's my bundle of joy :001_wub:
    Tia deteriorated really quickly over the space of a week and was PTS in the middle of October.
    I had a big post on here about how I felt guilty going home to the pups after taking Tia to the vets. A kind of 'out with the old, in with the new' feeling that had me really upset.
    I got loads of support on here :) The pups will never ever replace Tia and she had a happy life.. there was no reason for me to feel the way I did.
    You'll know when your ready, really you will. It could be next week, it could be next year .. don't over think it too much either and don't base it on other people's experiences. I don't mean that in a bad way!! Just that ultimatly it will be your decision :)
    rip doggies xxx
     
  16. GingerRogers

    GingerRogers PetForums VIP

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    We know a lady who misses her old collie so much that she refuses to even pet another dog (the exception was our old boy, you often caught her mid stroke, no-one could resist him :p) It is sad, her choice but if the dog gave her so much pleasure, so could another in another way.
     
  17. happysaz133

    happysaz133 PetForums VIP

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    See I don't think there's such a thing as too soon or too long. Sure some people might feel there is, but everyone is different. There was 9 days between one of our dogs dying, and the new one arriving in 2001. Then 11 days last year between my girl dying and the new pup being picked up. Then between one set of dogs there was 2 years. Every dog and human feelings are different.

    If you feel able to get another dog, then do so, don' feel you have to wait longer because other people say its wrong.
     
  18. jonb

    jonb PetForums Senior

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    thank you all for your helpful comments,poor Mollie hasn`t eaten this evening and has taken herself off to bed,so have made the decision to look for another friend for her,I feel that if we left it too long she would struggle to accept another dog in the house,she has her dads strong genes in her not Taz`s laid back style,so will probably have a chat with some local rehoming places tomorrow or Monday.
    I hope Sophie thinks its ok:(
    I`m sure Taz is up there saying no problem....
     
  19. joyous growler

    joyous growler PetForums Member

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    Hi Jon,

    Good decision to obtain another pooch ASAP, I think. Namely, like us humans, animals may be depressed when they lose a companion.

    I'm speaking from experience. A similar incident occurred when our Puli died, and Bebe left alone. She didn't feel like eating and playing. I took her to play but just walked at my side without any joy. He just looked at me sadly.

    We went to the vet; he examined Bebe, but found no abnormalities. He also said that our dog was sick by mentally (as I thought). So, I began looking for another rescue pooch, that was the medicine to solve the issue.

    This story took place over four days, and only you had to see the joy as Bebe adopted the newcomer.

    Of course, I don't know your circumstances; I just think it could work well with you, which I did.:)

    All the best,

    Alex
     
  20. jonb

    jonb PetForums Senior

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    well friday we pick up our new dog,Meg a tri coloured colllie,Mollie is so quiet and has started howling when being left(something she`s never done)gone for a pup due to thinking she`ll be able to moulded to our ways,most rescue places didn`t like the fact we had cats and a child,
    its going to strange starting again..
    wish us luck!:wink:
     
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