UK Pet Forums Forum banner
  • Please post in our Community Feedback thread for help with the new forum software! If you are having trouble logging in, please Contact Us for assistance.

1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok so a two part post really...Apologies in advance, I tend to ramble a lot

Sadly, to start with, I lost Henri, my best friend in the world.

Last Tuesday morning he woke me up like he always does - by purring, sitting on my chest, and nuzzling his head into my hands until I get up and feed him. I got ready for work, walked out the front door and he stood, head cocked, pupils wide, in the same cheeky pose he always pulled. I said "see you tonight mate"

That was the last time Henri woke me up. I miss him absolutely terribly.

Sorry for the self indulgence, but I wanted to share the most beautiful, loving, affectionate, loyal and trustworthy best friend I have ever had.

I miss you mate x







and lastly, my favourite



So my question is... I've inevitably started looking at kittens.. but I feel horrible guilt. How long do you wait? I have huge reservations over kittens... Those pictures sum up everything I loved about him. He was independent and playful in his own right but ultimately he loved us. He loved coming home, he would follow me and sit on my lap, sleep next to me, lay on my feet if I stood still for two seconds, rub his head against my legs... and I am a sucker for affection.

I don't even know for sure what breed he was. His mother was a British Blue but no idea about the father. I'm so worried that I'd get another kitten only for it to grow up with none of those traits that I loved about him and I'd grow to regret the decision... What worries me most is I think I'm not looking for a new cat, I'm looking to get him back and I can't :(

Sorry for the rambling anyway... I've never actually bought a kitten before so any pointers would be a huge help!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,604 Posts
Hey..I lost my gsd last October I could never dream of getting another because I'd feel like I was replacing her..so we went for something totally the opposite two kittens and maybe a third ;) ...I think it would be a totally personal thing what you planned to do..personally I wouldn't think about getting one exactly the same because you will never find another henry..but maybe another little fur baby might make you think about something else maybe heal a little better xx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23,934 Posts
I am SO very sorry to read about Henri - he was SUCH a gorgeous boy.

The problem with having pets is that our life-spans are longer than theirs so it is a sad inevitability that they will leave our side sooner than we want them to. However, they NEVER leave our hearts and no matter how many animals you have in your life, every single one of them has their own place in our hearts, minds and souls. They are never replaced, our hearts just grow to give each one their own special place.

Some people, when they babies go to the bridge, find that the thought of another so soon is too hard to bear and they may wait several years before considering getting another. For other people though, the empty cat-shape space in their homes is too hard to cope with so they get another within a short space of time and this helps them to move on. You can only do what feels right in your soul.

The biggest thing though is to know that, like humans, all cats are little individuals and no two will ever be the same. Some may share similar traits but will not be identical. So please try not to get another 'Henri' as you will only be disappointed and this will not be fair on your new baby.

Kittens are great fun but also take more work. They are, however, very rewarding. When dealing with a loss, they are very good at distracting you with their antics and making you smile again. You would also get this with young cats, if you felt a kitten was too much to deal with. I have two 2yr olds and they are always making me smile. They are still very young in their behaviour.

Unless you really want a pedigree, I would suggest having a look round some rescues and see how you feel and if there are any cats you feel drawn too. Don't be surprised though if you find yourself with a new master who has decided he will have you, and not you have him, as cats usually let US know when we are good enough. And the chances are that this new master will be the total opposite of what you were looking for or expecting because they are canny wee monsters that way.

I hope this helps and again, very, very sorry to read about Henri.

xxxx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,587 Posts
I am so sorry :(

There is never a wrong or right time to open your heart to another.

I lost my 15 year old Luci in January and as she left such a gaping hole, I started looking for new babies with tears pouring down my face.

The newbies were 4 weeks old at that point and really gave me a focus, with something to look forward to

I was grieving for Luci and when I was very upset, the kittens faces would appear and for me, I found this very comforting. I also know Luci would have wanted me happy again.

You can never replace a beloved cat, everyone single one is unique but saying that, over the last few months my new Siamese Molly is morphing into Luci. It's like Luci is standing in the corner of the room, guiding her on this and that. They are so similar! Which just makes me smile and smile

Henri was a dear little cat
Run free little man xx
 

·
Dad to Puss Puss and Shadow
Joined
·
4,844 Posts
I dont think i can add that others have said so far, but if you are thinking of a kitten will it be left at home on its own for long periods? If this is the case maybe two kittens would be better or find a rescue and look for an adult cat to fill your life.

I am so sorry for your lost​

RIP Henri​
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,979 Posts
So sorry for your loss. Each time I read such post I can´t help but think how it would be if Merlin left me (not a good feeling). I would recomend you visit a shelter, the right cat will choose you. Although if you want to take a look at the lovely kitties mdeal is trying to find homes for after they appeared in her house....

My boy is almost 5 and he is extremely playful, so maybe you could also help a young cat find a forever home.

I have to add that each time I see black cats, my resolve to get one when the time comes hardens.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
A huge help - all of you - thank you!

I'm painfully aware that I am looking for something that's not possible, i.e. bringing him back. He was ludicrously good looking!

The pain isn't in the thought of replacing him for me... Nothing would replace him. It's being 'alone' that I can't stand. You'll all know exactly what I mean. There are two of us in the house now - but I'm very much alone without him here as well.

I do work Monday to Friday but I tend to work from home the majority of the time - including right now! I am keen to get two though.

I don't have any preference (or admittedly knowledge!) when it comes to pedigree / non-pedigree. Is there any distinguishable difference between breed and temperament? That's one thing I love about him the most - his personality. He'd run around like an absolute nutter for ten minutes, making weird noises (sounded like he was saying hello!) then two minutes later he'd jump on me, purr and go to sleep between my legs... and my god am I a sucker for cuddles.

Like I said - thank you very much for all your comments. I know I'm indulging but it's kind of how I deal with grief... I want everyone on the planet to know how amazing he was! Such a sap!

one more...

 

·
Mentored by Meeko
Joined
·
26,455 Posts
So very sorry to read about Henri,he was a gorgeous boy and he will leave paw prints forever on your heart.
Sometimes a special furbabe makes such a huge impression on you that it makes it very difficult to ever feel that you can love another.I felt that when my last Afghan Hound died,he was such a special boy and I just knew that I could never have another,that is why I decided not to even try.Instead I decided to either go for a totally different breed or have another cat.
Fast forward 2 years and I have Meeko my Raggie who kept me busy as a kitten and is now a young adult and has filled the "gap" beautifully :)
If you decide to have another cat I would advise you to visit your local rescue centres and see what young adults they have.There is a better chance that their personalities will be developed and you may find one that you feel a connection with,or you start again with a kitten or 2 and enjoy the journey it takes you on as you learn all about this new little life who will mold you into whatever he/she wants you to be ;)
Good luck on whatever you decide.
 

·
Master of the Whingey Cat.
Joined
·
7,885 Posts
Henri was a gorgeous boy, and I can see that he's left a huge hole in your life. Sending you lots of love at this sad time xXx

What gave me great comfort when Molly died was looking back at the happy memories we had (as you are with Henri)- I'm of the opinion that the enormous heartbreak we feel when our furries leave us is more than worth it for the huge amount of love and happiness they give when they are with us. I hope those thoughts can provide you with some comfort, too.

As the others have said, try not to find another Henri. This will never happen, as he was one of a kind, instead try to focus your attention on making new memories. There will be a cat out there, somewhere, who needs you as much as you need him/her, you just need to find them.

When I met my Spooks, I just knew he'd been sent to me by Molly. I knew he had chosen me, and we needed eachother. He's emormously different to Molly in every way, but I love that about him :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,034 Posts
I agree completely with what MoggieBaby said... She has put it so much better than I could too.

When I lost my Thomas last year to cancer, I was inconsolable. And he left a huge cat shaped hole that I needed to fill.

We went to the rescue place very quickly... More to find out about the adoption process than anything... Although I did have a few ideas in mind that I wanted to adopt 2 cats and at least one would be black as black cats are so harder to rehome.

Whilst there, we met Harry and Sabrina and it was like Thomas had sent them to us. They chose us, and we agreed to be their slaves. Like Thomas, they had had a really hard start in life and had been badly mistreated, their story really upset us.

We started the paperwork and a week later after our home visit they were home :D

One thing I would say, is don't expect slightly older cats to be affectionate immediately. They tend to have had a hard time when they end up in rescues, and so take longer to really trust a human.

My two were 2 and 3 when I had them, so still very playful and cheeky.

I wish you all the very very best with whatever route you decide, I'd certainly recommend a two rescue cat approach.

I'm so sorry about Henri, and the obvious pain that you are in.

Please keep us posted about what you decide x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,835 Posts
I am so sorry for your loss of Henri.
I have always had cats and when they sadly leave me I always have another.
I find it helps me in my bereavement and to live and love again.
Each one I have had it so different. They are all one offs ;)
I would take your time and have a look at some of the rescue sites including the adoption one on here.
There are loads and I feel sure in time one will stand out from the crowd or even may be 2!!
I have recently looked on adoptions sites and quite s few come in twos!
After loosing my 2 of my British creams this year I went for a Lilac Boy and as soon as I saw him my heart melted.
He truly has mended my broken heart.
Hope you find one very soon to mend yours x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,112 Posts
sorry to hear about Henri. He was a very handsome boy. I too have always had cats over the past twenty years. Like Jill whenever I lose one I tend to get another so I have had at least 5 at any one time. I always used to have persians. When I lost my original persian at age 18 [she had managed to outlive some 12 others who came later!] I felt I couldn't have another cat. However that feeling only lasted a few weeks and I then became besotted with NFCs. I then got two NFC kittens, only to follow them with 2 more, and then two more!. I find it really does help to get over the loss. I can't comprehend how bad it must feel to be totally catless. Good luck x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you all - honestly - for even reading. I take great solace in sharing with strangers. It's cathartic for me, and it means a few more people in some corner of the world have seen and shared a bit of the love I had for my boy.

I can't express the sense of loss in words really. It's hollowing. I know I'm probably preaching to the choir as well, but thank you all for being so kind.

I think what is probably clear is that there isn't a definitive time - it's when it feels right. I just don't want to rush what (I think) is a big decision! And don't worry about pictures. I'm like a hipster taking pictures of food when it comes to cats. I spend all day snapping. I'll be sharing them!

Thank you all again. You are very nice people. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,861 Posts
I can't see the pictures, but the love you had for you little lad come sacross in every word. It's gorgeous to read, and he must have been one spoiled boy. I'm sorry he left you so suddenly. Like others have said, you need to think about having another only when you're ready to. Then you need to go and see many different cats until you find the one that you have a connection with.

you ask what the difference is in breeds vs moggies. To try and explain, I'll tell you why I chose the cats I did. I thought long and hard before having a cat. I'd not really had many pets as a child, but really wanted a little someone to add to my household when I moved away from home. I knew what I wanted, perhaps even what I needed. I'm blind, so knew I needed a placid, tactile, hands on cuddly kind of cat. I knew I could probably find that somewhere in a mog, but also knew that to be sure of that, I would have to go for an adult, and that adult would be most likely used to going outdoors, a lifestyle I wasn't prepared to offer my own little one as I'd never be able to go hunting for them if they didn't come home. That led me to the breeds route, and I discovered that they are bred as much for personality as the look of the cat. 8 years later and I now not only have pedigrees, but I'm breeding as well, and I don't regret a second of it. So in short, there is, in the most simple terms, no discernable difference if you know what you want, but the breeds have a much more defined set of personality traits, whereas with moggs, it's much more pot luck, and if you have a kitten you never can tell what you're going to get when they grow up and their personality finally settles.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
242 Posts
So sorry to hear your bad news. It's a difficult time as I am aware also. I don't think there is any right or wrong time to look for a new companion. I personally recommend a bsh as I think you would love the characteristics of this breed.

Loving, deviously handsome, fur felt to believed (plush), chunky monkeys, laid back and home loving balls of love love.

Looking wont hurt x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
475 Posts
Don't wait as long as I did. Nearly twenty years between my first cat and Eric and Ernie.

I still can barely bring myself to even type her name. I never say it out loud. I just can't. So don't worry about feeling self-indulgent.

I'm still devastated by the loss of Ernie a few weeks ago, but I'm also considering that we should get another cat, as Eric is so lonely.

Ernie used to wake us up, too, and he'd usually be on top of his cat tree waiting for his goodbye ear-scratch as I left for work. I'm so glad he was there that last morning.

All these wonderful people have said the same thing to me as they have said to you: when the time feels right, then do it.

Also, it's not about replacing a friend, it's about making new and different friends. I know nothing can bring Erine back now, and if we do bring a new feline friend into our family, it will be a different person, as it will be for you.

I am so sorry for your loss, and really can, in this case, say I know how you feel. Everything you say about your best mate applies to Ernie for me, though I'm very fortunate to have Eric.

Maybe if you can make the decision soon, then maybe I can too. And maybe your thread will then have helped poor lonely Eric to get the new companion he seems so desperately to want.

Ps.

Don't pay too much attention to the original post in the 'Buying a kitten' stickie... It was written by some weird lunatic :D

Seriously, though, it was taken from a post I write with answers to specific questions on another thread, so some of it doesn't make much sense. I keep meaning to go back and edit it into something a bit better, but I never seem to get round to it...

In terms of pedigrees, there are indeed traits that are often associated with certain breeds, although they are of course generalisations. For exams, Ernie, as a Britsh Shorthair, should have been quiet, friendly without being clingy, and perhaps a touch on the lazy side. In fact, he was more like a mad thing, adventurous, bold, athletic and incredibly energetic. More like a Bengal, really.

There a few websites that give descriptions of all (or at least many) of the breeds. My favourite is the one on Petfinder.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,979 Posts
So sorry to hear your bad news. It's a difficult time as I am aware also. I don't think there is any right or wrong time to look for a new companion. I personally recommend a bsh as I think you would love the characteristics of this breed.

Loving, deviously handsome, fur felt to believed (plush), chunky monkeys, laid back and home loving balls of love love.

Looking wont hurt x
You forgot stubborn:D
 

·
Crazy Cat Lady of Bucks
Joined
·
14,968 Posts
I'm so sorry to hear your sad news of Henri :( my thoughts are with you xx

RIP beautiful Henri, run free at the bridge little man xx

Only you will know and feel when the time is right to get another cat. When I lost my beloved Tim I was heart broken :( It felt like I'd lost a part of me. I swore I would never get another cat, I couldn't go through the heart ache of losing another cat.

After about 2-3 weeks I could no longer stand the empty and lonely feeling in the house and thought it wouldn't harm in going to take a look at a few rescues, but what I was looking for was another Tim, not to replace him, no cat ever would, I just wanted a cat with the same personality, but no cat is the same.

That day I got chosen by Frankie, he was one of the longer serving residence at the RSPCA and I knew I had to take him home with me. He is nothing like Tim but he is a very special boy who I love to bits.

Henri will always be with you and in your heart. Cherish the memories you have of him and the times you shared. Remember, it's not good bye, it's good night until you meet again xx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
242 Posts
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top