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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by piggybaker, Mar 30, 2011.


  1. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    How far can you be pushed before you snap,, I not sure I can take a lot more from my partner he is driving me mad,, there is to much to tell, but I can tell you he is a good man, a great dad but just an awful partner,, his injuries he got from his first accident changed him, I find myself again at breaking point with just his qurks and things he does,, Iam not sure I can cope anymore and after this resent car accident I am so ready to walk away from him..

    Now I got married in a church and took my vows seriously but I just feel so backed into a corner..

    I do need to wait to get over this cold and perhaps try some antidepressents, but I feel I am the one always making the changes, I think it is about time he sorted himself out now not me..


    Oh sorry I just needed to rant,, I am truly so crabby at the mo and no its not my time of the month, I am just sick of giving.
     
  2. RAINYBOW

    RAINYBOW PetForums VIP

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    Does he know you feel this bad about things ? (((hug)))
     
  3. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    He is aware I am out of sorts at the mo, but he is a complicted man since the first accident, you have to be carefull not to depress him or he goes odd,, I just feel I am taking the strain all the time.

    we have spoken at times but I unfortunatly get emotional and angry.
     
  4. RAINYBOW

    RAINYBOW PetForums VIP

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    Any chance he might see a doctor ?
     
  5. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    I have asked him to and he also has access to a police converlesnce home (sp) but he just won't do it,, or gets all depressed and quiet about,, but please don't get me wrong he is a really nice bloke and is unaware he is doing it,I make lots of allowences for Rich with his mood and actions, I am always making excuses I have no friends anymore as I cut them all out I am just begining to gather a social life again by being a cub leader, but he makes this a bit difficult at times.:(
     
  6. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

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    I'm so sorry for the way you are feeling, but if it's mental problem he has, you saying he should sort himself is not going to help him. He probability does not realize how much he is hurting you. I know the last 15 years have been very hard for my Husband, I know at times I am very hard to live with, but he has stood by me. I sometimes know what I am doing and saying but I still do, it as if I am not completely in control. I can go months just fine and then for no reason things go pear shaped again, without any warning.
     
  7. 0nyxx

    0nyxx PetForums VIP

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    sorry to hear your having such a hard time hun ((((((hugs)))))) I know how you feel, Im a carer & my stepdad has been so horrible & obnoxious over the last few months Im on the verge of walking away from him!

    My mum & the other 2 I care for I can cope with it's just him!
     
  8. Jonesey

    Jonesey PetForums VIP

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    I don't know you or your husband or the circumstance that brought you to where you are, but it does sound like he's too dependent on you.

    You're entitled to friends and a social life as well as being a wife and mother. You really shouldn't have to feel guilty about wanting some time for yourself. You are just as important.

    Maybe stop or at least cut down on the excuses and allowances you're making on his behalf. As long as you're doing all of that he doesn't have to change. If he were an alcoholic or drug addict would you be treating him the same? They are real illnesses too.

    If he won't go to a doctor maybe you should go to one yourself and ask for some professional advice.
     
  9. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    I am posative he doesn't know he is doing it, he has brain damage in his cognative area of the brain from the accident 10 years ago he also has issues with short term memory issues

    He is hard work from the way he makes tea right down to bed time were he has to have a certain measured gap between his head and the head board before he can settle to sleep..

    I am just venting off, I've got a stinking chest infection and his accident where he wrote my car off Sat evening has just made us a bit twitchy with each other,,

    I am sure it will pass as long as the dust settles beteewn this incident and the next:rolleyes:
     
  10. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    I am planning on going on antidepressents just to give me a break from these emotions,, I just need to visit zomby land for a rest,, only for a month or two
     
  11. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    aww hun im sorry you are going through such a hard time at the moment, i totally understand where you are coming from saying he is a lovely man, but maybe since the accident he isnt the man that you married you know?? :(:(

    People do change unfortunately and obviously the accident was a massive deal and has affected him so badly, i am sure that he knows you are there for him etc but sometimes its just hard to show your feelings you know?

    What i think you need is time to yourself, can you meet up with friends, go for coffee, shopping etc?

    I dont want to see you really go down the road of antidepressants as i personally feel they are too easily given out these days and then you get yourself in a rut with them and cant come off them.

    Counselling will help also, have you got people to talk too hun?

    I hope you dont think i am speaking out of turn hun, i am just trying to help and also be honest. If you need me at anytime please just pm me, am always here for you if you need a chat xxxx
     
  12. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    this is going to be a prime exsample,, the scrape dealer has just called and can't make it to pick up the car tonight, Rich will have a hissy fit when he comes in over it, again not physical just lots of snotty answers or silence and banging about these are the things that are pushing to the break,, silly really..

    If I had friends I would go out with them, but I have become a bit of a hermit the last 6 years or so and people have driffted away,,c an't blame them really. non of them liked Rich ,,, that made me a little cross, love me love my man lol you know what I mean.

    I brought him a new camra yesterday, digital eos 500 cannon,, he unpacked it left it on the side,, cost me £600, thought it would give him something to do when he was on rest days and I was at work (he says he gets lonly on his own when I'm at work:rolleyes:) but no he has no interest in it,, and he was with me when I brought it..honestly the things i do:(
     
  13. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    aww hun it is so sad, it sounds like you are trying so hard as well. x

    but maybe the shock tactics need to be done for him to realise what he is putting you through. :(:(
     
  14. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    yes I would agree but I have 2 young children one of which is prone to asthma attackes,, I would hate to cause to much rocking,, I would just love him to go to the police home for 14 days for a nice rest for ME :blink:..

    no quick fix unfortunatly just another puddle of quick sand to wade through.:(,, God how grump do I sound:rolleyes:
     
  15. DaisytheTT

    DaisytheTT PetForums Senior

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    ((((((Piggybaker)))))) I don't mean to pry and you can tell me to pee off if you don't want to answer or pm me if you do want to say but did your OH have frontal lobe damage from his accident?

    I understand what you are saying about marrying in church, sickness and in health etc and I understand that we all change as we get older but sometimes due to trauma we are no longer the people we were when we married and this is no reflection on the vows we take, things change, situations evolve and sometimes its too much too to bear and those vows feel like they are slapping you in the face so please don't beat yourself up about this.

    Relationships are hard at the best of times and there is always some compromise to be made and that is without throwing head injuries into the mix. You need time for you and for your feelings to be understood and met. I really think talking to someone would be far better than going down the anti-d route. Anti-depressants do have their place don't get me wrong, but you will still need to deal with the problems at hand, anti-depressants will only help you feel abit better whilst you are still dealing with what is a difficult and distressing situation.

    Could you talk to your GP about your situation or perhaps head injuries group? Do you have any friends who you could just go out and grab a coffee with, just to give you half an hour of distance from the situation?

    PM me if you need to chat, I will do my best to help if I can.
     
  16. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    Yes you do hun, but you have every right to sound and feel like this with what you are going through. Please dont feel like you are on your own, i know you say you have no friends but if you can persuade him to go to the police home for a break and you could try and make friends with people, ie local social groups etc.
     
  17. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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  18. DaisytheTT

    DaisytheTT PetForums Senior

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    The thing is with frontal lobe injury (and I know only alittle from previously working in rehab), that is the main centre for our emotions and personality, motor function, memory, problem solving, judgement and impulse amongst others so no wonder you are having a hard time. :(

    I think Headways is the support group for head injuries (although forgive me if I'm wrong) perhaps google them. These sort of support groups usually have contacts purely for partners/relatives of people who have suffered head trauma. They could really be valuable help to you, just so you can vent to another person who knows exactly where you are coming from. Perhaps it would be worth contacting them?
     
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  19. Mum2Alfie

    Mum2Alfie PetForums VIP

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    i am gonna post on this one cause I feel for you and its a subject dear to my heart! My husband was in a car accident that left him with 70% of his body burnt all 3rd degree. He survived and came put of hospital very changed. He shut himself away in front of his computer and it felt like me and Alfie didnt excist. I left him, but I tell you what I wish I never had! Although it was a wake up call he needed and amazingly sorted himself out, went to drs got tablets to sort himself out, got a job and just went back to being the rob I knew. However I went through hell leaving him with nowhere to live and pulling my poor baby around with me to many different places. Now in hindsight I should have just stuck with him and instead of watching it happen talked to him alot more and helped him sort himself out! Needless to say we are back together now, more in love and alot happier than we have ever been and expecting our 2nd child. My adivce to you as someone who has been down that road is dont give up! Make him see and realise what he is doing and how you are feeling. Support him as much as you can and get him to the drs if you feel it will help. If he isnt working force him out there to get back on track. It really helped us. I know it sounds easier said than done, but at the end of the day I am sure you love him still and love is worth fighting for. To be honest if you didnt care you wouldnt feel the way you do. I wish you all the luck in the world.
     
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  20. piggybaker

    piggybaker PetForums VIP

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    Your post has had me sobbing,, Thank you for your kind words,, I have taken another members advice also and contacted Headway for some advice on how to help me cope with Richards ways,, maybe it will help save the marriage..
     
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