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Hi everybody a bit down at mo!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by sandymaynard, Jul 30, 2009.


  1. sandymaynard

    sandymaynard PetForums Senior

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    Hi everybody
    I went to clean out a few things from mum's house! I got rather upset after i found a box containing some letters and a diary!
    I never knew what made my mum dislike me! I always thought it was because she didnot want me but i have started to read her diary! I am on page 12 so far!
    Here is a little passage, that i would like to share with you!
    Today i found out that i am pregnant! I am so over the moon, When i told your dad he walked out and said that we are over! He said get rid and i will come back! The thing is he is not your dad i got raped a couple of weeks ago walking home from work!
    There is no way i am getting rid of you! I have waited to age 40 to finally fall pregnant with you! I have met someone else two months ago! She is female and her name is Haley she is wonderful to me!
    I have just had my scan and signs are showing that i am pregnant with you now! I am 20 weeks gone! Haley was there with me and said that she wants me for safety to move in with her! As you dad is voilent and a drunk!
    Today marks 39 weeks pregnant! you are kicking alot now and i can't wait to finally meet you! You are due on the 14th may 1975!
    Well the day you were due came and went! Today is 22nd may i finally went into labour with you!
    Today is the 25th may 1975, you are born! You are very sick and been rushed off as you have breathing problems, i am so worried about you! They say i can't see you for a day or two!
    I have ended up in tears i thought she hated me! She did no such thing! She was so confused and hurting!
    i called her such horrid names when i was akid when ever i got angry at her! I wish i had found this earlier and could of understood her better!
    I just wanted to share with you all!
    Sorry just feel so low and upset over this!
    Sandy
     
  2. vickie1985

    vickie1985 PetForums VIP

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    aww Sandy, i cant even imagine how you feel right now.

    Im sure your mum is very relieved that you have seen the diary at last though, she will have forgiven the names etc, she will be smiling that you now know. xxx
     
  3. Fleur

    Fleur Vassal to Lilly and Ludo

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    Although it must of been very hard to read, I think it will be good to understand the truth.
    I expect your mum would be pleased you understood why she acted the way she did, I'm sure she forgave all the things you said, and she'd be relieved you finally got to know something she was unable to tell you face to face.

    The extract shows how much you were wanted and loved.
     
  4. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    Heck sweetheart we always say and think horrid things about those we love or are family its part of growing up and adjusting to life, please dont beat yourself up over it, my grandmonster told me yesterday that she hated me because I wouldnt let her have a bag of crisps.
    When you go to bed tonight speak softly to her or write her a letter then burn it but make sure you have the quiet time needed to do it. Your emotions are a bit raw at the moment so just enjoy sharing your mums history with her and try not to be too upset.
     
  5. sandymaynard

    sandymaynard PetForums Senior

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    Just wish i could tell her that i love her and always have done!
    As i always said if we ever fell out you only get one mum make the most of it!
    She had her own special ways of doing things
    the diary is 178 pages long!
    Then there are letters that she has hand written to me but never given me!
    Bless her!
    Sandy
     
  6. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    Awww bless,,,,,enjoy reading them im sure they will bring yu peace and make you feel close to your mum xx:)
     
  7. Classyellie

    Classyellie PetForums VIP

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    Oh hunni don't beat yourself up over it. You now know how much you were loved and wanted, see it as a blessing from your Mum

    [​IMG]

    Ellie x
     
  8. sammyben

    sammyben Guest

    Aww, HUGE hugs hunni. I am sure after reading all the diary pages that you may somehow feel closer to your Mum.

    xx
     
  9. munchbunch

    munchbunch PetForums VIP

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    She must have known you'd find & read them one day - was obviously too hard for her to tell you herself. Must be really hard to read, but also comforting to know the truth & how much she really loved you. Hugs xx
     
  10. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    That must have been very hard to read.
    It's sad that it took you until now to discover these things :(
    But atleast now you can find some answers and understand.

    *hugs* x x x
     
  11. HighlandQuine

    HighlandQuine PetForums Senior

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    Sending you huge hugs and good vibes. :)

    I know you're having a terrible time of it just now, I don't know what to say except you're in my thoughts and be strong, your mum loved you xxx
     
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