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He's gone to heaven :(

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by KoolK, Jan 7, 2019.

  1. KoolK

    KoolK ❤️ Snowy's Mommy ❤️

    May 21, 2018
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    Our family cat Grey died today :(

    He had feline aids and a lot of other health problems.

    The vets said it was unethical to keep him alive any longer.

    He was only 9 years old :(

    The pain I feel is one I remember very much from a few years ago when my kitten went to heaven...

    It's a pain that is so bad that sometimes I can't breathe.

    I feel horrible, heartbroken and angry at myself for not taking him in sooner.

    The vets are going to cremate him.
    I don't like the idea of cremation.
    That his beautiful body will be burned and he will be ashes only breaks me everytime I tell myself he's fine and his souls gone to heaven with him...

    I tell myself he's no longer in pain and is happy in heaven.

    That this is what God wanted... To bring him back to him.

    I break down thinking about the pain he's going to be in...
    .. the pain he was in when they put him down.
    ... The pain he will be in when they're cremating him :(
    ... I should have tried harder. Sometimes I was horrible to him... I got annoyed and sad.

    He once bit me and I've now got a permanent scar..
    ... A scar that at one point I hated
    Now I'll cherish it thinking and remembering him.

    He was a beautiful boy... I loved him so very much even though sometimes I failed to show it.

    I think about how he's in heaven now.

    But didn't it hurt him when they put him down??
    They did sedate him.

    Won't it hurt him when they're cremating him??

    I've never had a pet cremated. I'm angry that I couldn't bury him. I'm angry that I didn't say one last goodbye.

    I'm angry that he's gone but most of all heartbroken beyond doubt.

    What should I do?


    That ^ is me right now...
    There's nothing anyone can say that'll take that pain away.
    It's just that with time.. it becomes part of who you are, it forms you and makes you stronger :(


    I'm sorry for everything grey!

    I'm sorry I didn't help you sooner
    I'm sorry I didn't look after you like I should have
    Im sorry I didn't love you as I should have always
    I'm sorry I didn't show you how much I did love you
    I'm sorry I didn't care for you like I should have
    I'm sorry for all the times I got angry at you for no reason
    I'm sorry for all the times i stupidly fed you later than the set time
    I'm sorry for all the times where I was mean to you... Where I was harsh or just an outright vicious cruel owner!
    I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so so so so so sorry...
    I'm sorry! Please forgive me...

    I'm sorry.

    I will always remember you...
    I'm so sorry grey...

    I promise to cherish your memory and love you forever.

    I know you're in heaven now and I promise you one day we'll meet again and you can tell me all the things you've been doing whilst you were there and we'll live forever happily in heaven... Together... Without any fear of losing one another.

    I'm sorry grey

    #1 KoolK, Jan 7, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2019
    Soozi, ewelsh, huckybuck and 2 others like this.
  2. Pixie_Tinker_Bell

    Pixie_Tinker_Bell PetForums Senior

    Feb 5, 2018
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. It really is an unbearable experience but I promise it does ease in time.

    I am no expert but I am confident that when animals are put to sleep they feel no pain, if anything they are relieved from the pain they are in. By the sounds of it your boy was suffering and now he is at peace, as devastating as it is you have made the right decision for him.

    As for cremation vs burial it is definitely a personal thing, for me I prefer the idea of cremation. When our family cat passed away she was cremated and we scattered her ashes around her old hunting ground, I like to think she is floating freely around there now. Had we buried her there we would not have been able to dig a deep grave and therefore her body would undoubtedly be dug up by wildlife and that thought to me is devastating. I think burial is fine if it is done properly and you know the body is safe from harm.

    Now that your boy has passed on his physical body can no longer feel anything, it is essentially an empty vessel that his spirit has moved on from and therefore he will feel no pain in cremation so you do not need to worry about that at all, I promise you.

    Just take things one step at a time and allow yourself to grieve. You need to find a way to forgive yourself for the bad times and focus on the good, the love you shared. I say this from experience, when our much loved family cat passed on I spent the first couple of hours remembering every time she had frustrated me and I'd been unkind towards her, I could not forgive myself but in time I was able to remember that despite those moments we loved each other deeply and I was able to focus on all the moments that reminded me of that.

    I really hope that in time you can heal from this, sadly there is no magic wand to make it all better just now, only time can really help just now x
  3. Charity

    Charity Endangered Species

    Apr 17, 2013
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    I'm so sorry about your boy. You're right in that nothing can make things better just now but time will ease the pain. I've lost a lot of pets and being responsible for their passing is very hard but I always tell myself that all that matters is they are no longer suffering if they were ill and in pain. Sometimes, like Grey, they are too young but life is a lottery sadly. Sweet dreams Grey, RIP.

  4. huckybuck

    huckybuck Feline Forum Fashionista

    Jan 17, 2014
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    I am so very sad and sorry to hear you have lost Grey.

    I think many of us will completely empathise with you and what emotions you are going through.

    It’s a whole heap of stuff.

    Grief. Devastation. Sadness. Guilt. Anger. Pain. Helplessness. Uncertainty.

    The list goes on and on.

    The only thing I have learned is that they are now free from any pain they might have been suffering from. Even if it did hurt a tiny bit at the end - no one knows one way or another. In the whole scheme of their life it was a minuscule moment. Now they are at peace.

    Cats have no concept of a long or short life. Only whether they felt safe, warm, well fed, cared for and loved.

    I have absolutely no doubt Grey felt all those things right up to the end.

    Take comfort that the awful pain you are feeling now is tantamount to the overwhelming love you have for him.

    No cat could want for more.

    I hope it gets easier for you - one hour, one day, one week, one month - take it a step at a time.

    RIP dear Grey
    Knowing you are truly loved x
  5. 1CatOverTheLine

    1CatOverTheLine PetForums Senior

    Apr 18, 2017
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    @KoolK - First off, I'm very sorry for your loss of Grey today; I lost one at nine years of age to Cancer as well, and at that age, it seems that we've just gotten to know that, and suddenly they're gone.

    My veterinarian is quite nearly a permanent fixture here, and neither of us had any sign that my dear Noodles was so ill. Cancer hides itself, and any physician or veterinarian will tell you that it's among the most difficult of maladies to diagnose - and especially in animals.

    "Angry at yourself," serves no one, and you least of all. Here now - look at what you've written:

    That, right there, is what's truly important. @huckybuck has it right, make no mistake. What's important in this Life is having been Loved. Cats are smarter than we are when all's said and done. They sense things unspoken, and can see through our actions and into our Hearts. Grey knew that you Loved him; they always know.

    What's this then - a laundry list? I've read lesser eulogies than this said over the bones of men of vast stature. This is one of the most Heartfelt goodbyes ever said.

    What should you do? Look back - you've said and done more for Grey than many Humans do for their own flesh and blood. What should you do? Why exactly what you've just done when you clicked, "Post Reply."

    Since you're a Believer, and know already that he's in Heaven, waiting for you - and since his cremation seems to trouble you, recall Genesis 3:19.

    Your post here has made me smile, and I thank you for that - and I'm just a bit jealous of Grey as well. That he was Loved - and Loved so well - and that you still believed that you could have done more for him, and chose to share his final story here - is admirable indeed.

    As to having done more, Henry Dwight Sedgwick answered that long ago, on behalf of Leo - Margaret Pollock Sherwood's "little yellow cat:"

    "Eurydice remained a shade
    Despite the music Orpheus played."

    There's nothing more that needed doing. You Loved him; there's nothing else of value beyond that in this world.
  6. MaggieDemi

    MaggieDemi PetForums VIP

    Nov 17, 2018
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    Oh dear, I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. As for the cremation, your Grey is no longer in that body, I promise you he won't feel it.
    What a lovely tribute and poem, thank you for sharing that. You can take comfort in the fact that you loved him dearly and tried your best. That's all any of us can do. I hope your pain lessens with each coming day until you see him again.
  7. ChaosCat

    ChaosCat PetForums VIP

    Dec 7, 2017
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    I‘m so very sorry for your loss! You did right by Grey, released him from pain. His empty shell will be cremated, his spirit is with you.
  8. Clairabella

    Clairabella PetForums VIP

    Nov 8, 2017
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    So sorry to read about your loss of Grey xx

    So heartbreaking xx
  9. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

    Jun 28, 2013
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    Love I know exactly what you are going through I very recently lost my girl Liddy and keep wondering if there was something I could have done to prevent her pain. We can’t hun nature is cruel and we can’t do a thing about it.
    Crying as I write this as you feel the pain will stay with you forever but please try and think of all the good things and take it day by day. Sending huge hugs. ❤️xxx❤️
  10. lorilu

    lorilu PetForums VIP

    Sep 6, 2009
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    Grey is in heaven waiting for you and there is no pain in heaven. He is watching over you now, and still loves you. Your pain and feelings of guilt are normal and hopefully will fade with time but it does take a long time usually. there is no expiration date on the pain of losing a beloved pet.

    Be gentle with yourself now. I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious Grey.
  11. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

    Aug 11, 2009
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    I'm so sorry to hear the loss of your beloved cat , Grey. :(
  12. bluecordelia

    bluecordelia Footy

    Jan 5, 2014
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    I am sorry Grey has gone. He was loved and you as his owner did the ultimate deed to help him. Always remember that x
  13. cheekyscrip

    cheekyscrip Pitchfork blaster

    Feb 8, 2010
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    I am sorry for your loss.

    Remember that he was loved and cherished, you did all you could.

    We will all have to cross that bridge one day and Grey will meet you on the other side when the time comes.

    He is free and he is fine.

    Till you meet again.
  14. I lost an old cat 15 years ago and I still miss him terribly, and every time I think of him the main emotion that comes to the surface is guilt. It's normal. It's life. It's grief. It sucks.
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