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Help....please

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by animallover111, Aug 16, 2009.


  1. animallover111

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    My 13yr old son Jack has just told me he has a girlfriend....i know of the girl she is called Jade...she is a lovely girl from what i know...nice family...private education etc..but...she is 16years old.....:eek:......now i am completely at a loss at how to deal with this......there is a 3 yr age gap...and i dont think it right.....not at this age....if they were both older then it wouldnt be a problem.....but 16yr olds are doing things 13yr olds are not......Jack does look older than 13 infact someone once thought he was my toyboy.....!!!!!!
    Is it me am i been too overprotective or am i right is she too old........????

    What can i do apart from emigrate with Jack.......
     
  2. DevilDogz

    DevilDogz Guest

    Dont really know what i can suggest to you BUT that would be like me seeing a 14year old! I wouldnt be able to! Just seems so wrong :eek:..Maybe just have a talk with him about the age different i dont know!? Im no good at this sort of stuff LOL
     
  3. CatzEyes

    CatzEyes PetForums VIP

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    Ohh boy, well I have girls so I don't know what to say as far as how you should deal with it but I don't think you are wrong. My oldest is 17 and it would definitly not be appropiate for her to be with 13 or 14 year old. I wanna wish you luck in dealing with this, maybe just try and sit him down and explain your concerns to him and hope that he understands what you are telling him. Other than that I just don't know.:eek:
     
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  4. animallover111

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    My Jack.........
     

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  5. Freyja

    Freyja PetForums VIP

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    I think I would sit him down and have a talk to him. He probable thinks its cool having a girlfriend so old. My sons 16 and I don't think I would like him to be going out with a girl of 13. If he looks older than he is does she actuallyknow how old he is?

    My son is 16 and recently split up with his girlfriend of 14 months. He then told us he liked a girl he had met. Thats fine we said until he told us she was 18, had a car and also a violent boyfriend she wanted to split up with. Needless to say he got told no way and is back now with his former girlfriend again but are staring from the beggining again. We told him she could come for tea as she always has done on a sunday but they have met in town and will each go to their own homes for tea.
     
  6. Freyja

    Freyja PetForums VIP

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    I've just seen his photo and he looks much older than 13. The thing we found with Ben was the more you told him something was not on the more determined he was to do it.
     
  7. animallover111

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    Thank you....i have spoke to my mum and she thinks we need to sit down and speak to Jack......i just know what lots of 16yr old do and i dont want Jack doing the same.....im only 33 but it amazes me how kids are doing things much younger now a days...its scary in fact...my dad said earlier if it was my daughter who was 13 and her boyfriend was 16 it would be stopped and he wouldnt let her see him.....but it seems because Jack's a boy its different.....i would be also thinking why on earth does a 16yr old boy want a 13yr old girlfriend....:eek: but is it any different because its the other way round.....i dont know....
     
  8. animallover111

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    thank you....the girl is aware he is only 13....i have spoken to the girl today..luckily Jack has gone out with his grandad so we can speak to him when he comes home........i think he will understand where we are coming from....well i hope he does.....:( :(
     
  9. animallover111

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    This is my worry....if we explain why it's not a good idea...but he wants to find out for himself......
     
  10. CatzEyes

    CatzEyes PetForums VIP

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    You are right he does look older than 13, but I don't think that it is the best way to approach, really that's all you can do and hope that they choose to listen. It is scary these days, it is alot different than when we were growing up and alot tougher for these kids. I also have a 10 yr. old daughter who I still get to go through all that fun stuff with.
     
  11. Oblada

    Oblada Guest

    To be honest I dont see the same problem as others lol ;)

    I dont think age different is as straightforward as that...

    When I was 13 I had a boyfriend who was 16 - it was fine - did not last long though ;) and then at 17 I had a boyfriend, for a couple of months, who was 27 and my parents were fine with that (again it did not last long though ;))

    Of course I understand why you are concerned and rightly so but I think you need to assess the situation fully...
    Age difference only means something is it goes with a difference in lifestyle and maturity, otherwise it means nothing at all (and by the same token all 13 years old do not have the same lifestyle/maturity/expectations...) so maybe you should have a chat with your son not generally to say its a bad idea to go out with older people but specifically about that girl he likes; what is she like, what does she do, what are her expectations of a relationship and can he match that, what does she like to do in her spare time with her friends that you do not fancy him trying yet...

    Good luck!

    xx
     
  12. animallover111

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    Nooooo i wanted everyone to say no no no its not right and that i need to lock Jack in the house with me forever........:D :D i am kidding there.....no im not.....:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
    I will be honest she is a lovely girl...very polite....well educated etc...she comes from a nice family but my main concern is that at 16 both boys and girls are how can i say it.....are exploring more!!!.....and although Jack looks older and does sometimes act older than 13 i feel he is nowhere near the age to be exploring.....my other worry is Jack and his rugby....he has worked so so hard to get where he is...he has a scholarship with Leeds Rhino's....and hopefully will become professional....and i just dont want him to get distracted......and him later having regrets......i wish i could be all calm and not worry but i just think this needs handling correctly...though i dont want to scare jack to death......
     
  13. MySugar

    MySugar PetForums Senior

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    What a tough situation. I can understand your concerns, especially with the rugby. And this does need handling in a sensitive way because it can backfire.
    Maybe you can talk to him about your worries over him jeopardising his rugby career by being in a relationship. Do you feel he could not have a girlfriend and a rugby career? Or just at this age?
    I know the fact she is 16 is a worry, but she may be an innocent 16. And it's very good that she is educated and polite etc. Imagine a tear away drinking, smoking, rebelious type...yikes!!
     
  14. xgemma86x

    xgemma86x PetForums VIP

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    Hope you manage to get it sorted asap :)

    My next door neighbour (male) started seeing his gf when he was 14 and she was 18:eek: He has only been seeing her a few months but he treats her horribly. im sure this isnt the case for your son tho:)
     
  15. haeveymolly

    haeveymolly PetForums VIP

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    Hi, oh kids who would have em?:rolleyes: . . . well we would.

    I would definetly sit him down and tell him your concerns,i would imagine he hasnt even thought about the concerns you have maybe never entered his head that its not an "ideal" arrangment, and dont be suprised if he seems to ignore or put off all you say but believe me he will think about what you have said and deal with it, end the relationship in his own time, his own way because no way will he want his mum to think he did it because of what she said :D, so after you have spoken to him try (and i know its hard) not to say any more, let it lie for a while and ime sure it will turn out ok.:)
     
  16. Inca's Mum

    Inca's Mum PetForums VIP

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    I think that's really not right, I'm 13 and that's just strange...but I am not really sure of how you should go about this with your son. The girl might want to be with him, as he's younger he might be willing to do stuff she says, like because he thinks that's the norm if she's asking him too.
    Not that he will at all hopefully, but you get my drift?
     
  17. animallover111

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    I have no problem with him having a girlfriend...but would just prefer her to be his age....i know i know its only three years but....legally she is allowed to do things at her age and Jacks not......i would have no problem with the age gap if they were older but i just think at this age 3 yrs is too much.....as for his rugby i dont think he would let anyone come between that....i also think 16yr olds and 13yr olds are very different...
     
  18. christine0808

    christine0808 PetForums Junior

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    you have to ask what the hell a 16yr old girl wud want from a 13yr old boy,even if he does look older.
    usualy things like that fizzle out,but she is of legal age to have sexual intercourse and the worrying thing is if he agrees to it its still legaly rape.
    id see how things go,if you think she maybe thinking about anything inapropriate with your son make sure they both understand this,then maybe speak to her parents.good luck
     
  19. Inca's Mum

    Inca's Mum PetForums VIP

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    I'm 13 *hint hint* haha jokes :001_tt2:
     
  20. animallover111

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    oh im glad jack isnt 14 and the girl 18..not sure how i would cope with that!!!!!
    Thanks your right...i hope!!!!!!please god be right!!!!!
    i get your drift......:D :D
     
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