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Grieving

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Etienne, Jun 11, 2019.


  1. Etienne

    Etienne Dad to Puss and Shadow

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    We got Dilly from a rescue just over four years ago to be a companion for Ricky. They got on very well together. Two weeks ago we had to have Ricky PTS as he was diagnosed with Stage 4 kidney failure which was very sudden as there was no obvious clues from Ricky that he was seriously ill. Since then Dilly doesn't seem herself as she is quiet most of the time and even when she is taken out, which she always loves normally, she is still a little subdued, even when we play ball with her. We are starting to think we may need to talk to a vet or veterinary nurse. I know some may suggest getting another dog but I honestly don`t think this is practical right now or even would Dilly accept another dog.
    I wondered if there are others that have faced this problem and how they overcame it.

    Thanking you for any advice you can give me
     
  2. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    So sorry for your loss. Do talk to your vet when I lost my girl lily my boy sox certainly grieved. As well as a vet check maybe just some extra treats. I think dogs do grieve as well as losing confidence they got from another dog.

    We did get a puppy which took his mind off things but I certainly wouldn't recommend if that's not right for you. I think time can be a healer.
     
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  3. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    My dog certainly lost confidence when my old one died just before Christmas. Walks were a drag, she was very subdued and sad.
    We got a new, younger dog a month ago and they get on very well, she loves walking and playing with him, it's a joy to see them together.
     
  4. Etienne

    Etienne Dad to Puss and Shadow

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    How did you cope and how was she in the months between?
     
  5. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    I was concerned about her, she seemed to age overnight and became very needy. She got extra cuddles and attention whch was all I could offer her really, and tempting food. Reena is a very cuddly girl anyway and quite timid and shy , not keen on other dogs at all so I was worried as to whether another dog would help. We have got another dog of the same breed, a lovely temperament and a boy, it's worked very well.
     
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  6. Etienne

    Etienne Dad to Puss and Shadow

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    That is something else we have to cope with, which is Dilly has IBD so we have to be strict with what we give her to keep it under control.
    She is a dominate girl and other dogs won't mess with her, don't get me wrong she doesn't fight but normally very confident.
     
  7. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    Reena was quite dominant over Tango who was very submissive . Reena would guard her food , treats and spaces but Tango would leave her to it - Bobby is the same luckily ! But saying that I haven't noticed Reena needing to guard things from him, he seems to have got the message not to approach her food or treats. I cleared away all the toys before he came to reduce the guarding and have now bought him some new ones of his own.
    If you do get a new dog it's worth looking for one with an easy going temperament.
     
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  8. Silverpaw

    Silverpaw PetForums Junior

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    So sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.Poor Dilly,she's lost her buddy and is grieving for him.It's very early days and aswell as missing him as her friend and companion,she's having to adjust to how life works as an only dog.One of my precious previous dogs became an only dog when my little one died.They had been together since coming to us,seperatley,at around twelve months old and she was fifteen years plus when we lost him.She was becoming quite frail herself,so introducing another dog wasn't an option.She grieved for him,and that,plus her increasing frailty,made her quite needy.I think trying to keep routines going helped,giving a kind of structure to life.I had a friend who used to bring her little dog up to have a short walk together.This gave her a little bit of canine company in a way that she could cope with.I talked to her about our little pal that we had lost,being of the belief that they understand every word I say!Basically,I became her constant companion but some of that was due to her increasing age related needs.From my experience,I'd say keep routines going,walks etc,even if she doesn't seem as enthusiastic about them.Maybe throw somewhere new in if possible,that you can explore together,that doesn't have memories of being with Ricky there.Also,allow her to grieve,so that she doesn't feel she has to be ok for your sake.And of course,lots of extra cuddles,which I'm sure you're doing anyway.All the best to you both at this sad and difficult time.
     
  9. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    I have lost many dogs over the years and basically my other dogs have seemed to ignore it. But when one of my current dogs was 6 months my other dog,like yours, was pts with acute kidney failure within 24 hours of looking ill and my pup just did not cope. She ended up sleeping on our bed and coming everywhere with us. I wanted another dog so started looking but could not get what I wanted. Eventually got one about a year later and shortly before that Candy went back to normal and was happy to be left and happy on her own. She was happy when we were around though, it only manifested itself in a lack of confidence of being on her own. Hopefully your dog will soon cheer up, just give her time. Not sure what the vet can do to help though.
     
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  10. Bugsys grandma

    Bugsys grandma PetForums VIP

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    Firstly, sorry for your loss, it is a very sad time for everyone when we lose a much loved animal.

    We lost two dogs within 18 months, leaving our lab on his own. He had come as a pup when the other two were already here so had only ever known life with other dogs around.

    We definitely noticed that he seemed, quiet, and possibly depressed, he was definitely a bit stressed.
    I spoke to my vet and a dog trainer friend, both said to keep to routine that he was familiar with as far as possible, meals, walk times etc at roughly the same times they'd always been, but to spend more time playing with him, fun trick training etc, anything that was just a bit of fun, and to take walks in different areas, to try to find places to walk that he hadn't explored before, new smells and new ground for him to check out.

    It really did help him. In fact he kind of blossomed. We did get another dog a year or so later and he was very happy to have another playmate, but he had been perfectly happy on his own.

    You shouldn't even think about getting another dog until it's right for you.
    Spend some extra time with Dilly and help her get over her loss, I'm sure given time and a little extra attention for a while, she will be just fine.
     
  11. Silverpaw

    Silverpaw PetForums Junior

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    Just a thought,maybe something like an adaptil collar might offer some comfort to being stressed.It obviously wouldn't stop her grieving but might increase the feel good factor.I think that licking is supposed to do so too,so possibly use a likimat or something like that if she has wet food.
     
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  12. niamh123

    niamh123 PetForums VIP

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    So sorry for your loss:(
    I have just been through this I lost my girl Sally to kidney failure in April she was 23 months old ,at the time my JRT was coming upto 3 yr old and our pup Liam was 7 months old,once we got Liam Sal found him more exciting than Floyd and stopped playing with him,she spent all her time with Liam.Sallys passing never really bothered Floyd but Liam spent days looking for her was off his food and just seemed withdrawn and sad it took about 3 weeks for him to realise Floyd could also be fun to play with and he started to settle we were back to normal about 5-6 weeks after we lost Sal we did take Liam to the vets as he needed his weigh in for flea and worm treatment and did mention it to the vet he told me it would take a while for him to get back to normal now Liam is a happy loving ball of thunder:)
     
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  13. Etienne

    Etienne Dad to Puss and Shadow

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    IMG_0179.JPG

    Dylis says thank you for helping her. Taken last year at Southsea.
     
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  14. Silverpaw

    Silverpaw PetForums Junior

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    Ahh,she's beautiful and looks like she was having great fun.Time is a good healer,I hope your happy memories of beautiful Ricky bring you comfort.There will be more happy days to come.
     
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  15. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    Lovely pic.
     
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  16. niamh123

    niamh123 PetForums VIP

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    Dylis is gorgeous and what a great name:)
     
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  17. Dogwood1

    Dogwood1 May_the_dog be_with_you.

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    After an appropriate period of grieving for dog and human, save another dog. It is usually the best course for all involved, and it is cruel to unnecessarily force a dog to live alone when they are used to living with a dog companion.
     
    #17 Dogwood1, Jun 13, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2019
  18. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    This is a bit harsh there are lots of reasons getting a second dog is not a good idea. The OP clearly loves their dog or they would not have come on to ask. Although I did get a second dog the bond between sox and lily was much stronger than him and Loki despite the fact they get along well enough.
     
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  19. Silverpaw

    Silverpaw PetForums Junior

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    I'm not sure it always works like that.A dog that grieves for one dog isn't necessarily going to get along with a different dog.I think they grieve for a particular dog,not just for the presence of a dog.Time,attention and lots of love,which I'm sure Dylis is getting,are probably what is needed at this stage.
     
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  20. Dogwood1

    Dogwood1 May_the_dog be_with_you.

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    Well, it goes without saying (hello), that any new dog must be able to get along with the original dog. Identifying and introducing another dog is almost always a lengthy process. What, did you think I suggested just grabbing any random dog and throwing it into the equation? Um, duh.

    Sure there can POTENTIALLY be lots of reasons not to introduce a second dog. However, usually there are not. I never said the OP does not love her dog. Please do not imply that I did. I'm saying that grieving beyond what is healthy is, just that, not healthy. Excessive sentimentality is what is in fact harsh and cruel to the dog, forced to live alone without other dog companionship, because someone FALSELY feels that they are BETRAYING the lost dog by, after a period, introducing another dog.

    How do you think the lost dog feels in heaven, looking down and seeing his old friend forced to suffer on and on and on, because YOU can't eventually let life continue.

    Loss of a loved one is not the end of life. It is the end of a chapter. You don't throw away the book and forever wail "Woe are we! Endlessly!" You take some time, breathe deeply for a while, and then you start writing the next chapter.

    Life 101.

    Oh... I see... so it would have been better NOT to get Loki, as you are advising the OP. I'd like to see you say to Loki's face that it was a bad idea that you brought him/her, and that you are advising someone to do otherwise as well, so that they don't make the same mistake that you made with him/her.
     
    #20 Dogwood1, Jun 13, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2019
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