Clamp down I'll never understand my next door neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has parked it in his own drive. I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both. Small Fry? On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the 'Chips 'r Us' fish and chippy on the Sutton Road. Mail order? or Female Order? I am married to a Malaysian lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around two million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. Buy: "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $500 a month. References required. Tired of working for only $10.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $8 - $10 per hour. Free puppies: part German shepherd, part dog. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.