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for us women *WARNING some rude jokes*

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by vickie1985, Jul 30, 2009.


  1. vickie1985

    vickie1985 PetForums VIP

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    1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
    (because they are plugged into a genius)

    2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
    (they don't have enough time)

    3. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
    (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)

    4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
    (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

    5. One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
    'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
    He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma '
    And they say blondes are dumb...

    6. A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
    'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
    The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

    7. 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
    'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

    8. Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumour

    9. Dear Lord,
    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
    AMEN

    10. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

    Made me laugh, i hope you lot do too :)
    come on men.....we laugh at your blonde jokes ;)
     
    Changes, JoWDC and MADCAT like this.
  2. Barney

    Barney PetForums VIP

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    PMSL they were great :D:D:D:D
     
  3. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    :D:D:D:D Brill!! really made me giggle especially no.7:smilewinkgrin::smilewinkgrin:
     
  4. sequeena

    sequeena PetForums VIP

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    PMSL love them :thumbup:
     
  5. claire

    claire Guest

    Bloody brilliant, made me chuckle xxxxxx I like no 6
     
  6. borderer

    borderer Guest

    women are like aeroplanes they have a cockpit:smilewinkgrin:
     
  7. MADCAT

    MADCAT PetForums VIP

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    Love them, just read them to my hubby and he laughed as well :D cos he knows they are true xxx
     
  8. cassie01

    cassie01 PetForums VIP

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    really good!!! made my day!!!
     
  9. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    Yep!!!:D;)
     
  10. JoWDC

    JoWDC PetForums VIP

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    PMSL - brilliant jokes.
     
  11. MADCAT

    MADCAT PetForums VIP

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    Loving your siggy :D xxx
     
  12. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    [​IMG]

    :D:D:D

    Thanks vikki xxx
     
  13. Barney

    Barney PetForums VIP

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    pmsl let em laugh pal most wouldnt know which way a lift was going if they ad 2 guesses lol only jokin girls dont get on at me lol :dita:
     
  14. vickie1985

    vickie1985 PetForums VIP

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    lol suzy, glad you all enjoyed :)
     
  15. vickie1985

    vickie1985 PetForums VIP

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    LOL we love you men too really :p
     
  16. MADCAT

    MADCAT PetForums VIP

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    Few More
    How are husbands like lawn mowers?
    They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

    How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
    We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

    How do men exercise on the beach?
    By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

    How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
    Make him wear shoes.

    How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

    How does a man show he's planning for the future?
    He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

    How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
    All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

    How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

    How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

    How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
    Two. If you slice them very thinly.

    What did God say after creating man?
    I can do so much better.

    What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
    Any place without a drive-up window.

    What do you call a handcuffed man?
    Trustworthy.

    What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

    What do you call a man with half a brain?
    Gifted.

    What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
    Exchange him.

    What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
    A power failure.

    What should you give a man who has everything?
    A woman to show him how to work it.

    How can you tell when a man is well hung?
    When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

    Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
    Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

    Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
    Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
    Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

    Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
    Because not one will stop and ask for directions
     
  17. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    Oi u! u better remember whos side you on!!;);):D:D
     
  18. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    Brilliant vikki! xxxx
     
  19. niki

    niki PetForums Senior

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    haha!! fab. love it!!! x
     
  20. vickie1985

    vickie1985 PetForums VIP

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    LMFAO!!!! My Oh is looking at me gone out! lol
     
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