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Feel sad...advice?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ad_1980, Jun 12, 2010.


  1. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    Hey guys

    You know my friend that had the baby last week? Well i text her yesterday to tell her i saw the baby pics and that she was adorable and i asked when i could come over and pay a visit. Her reply - 'Not at the moment, my brother's just died'. Imagine my shock at recieving that message. I quickly replied and told her i was sorry and if she needed me for a hug or to talk or whatever i was here.

    I haven't heard from her since, understandably. Now this is the thing. I've always been brought up to be there for my friends at times like this - I watched my parents run out of the house the minute they heard bad news like this of one of their best friends relatives. So yesterday when i heard the news my instinct was i should be there. But if she doesn't want me there, what can i do?

    Ive never gone through anything like this with anyone of my friends, and i don't want to show that i don't care or anything. How often do you reckon i should text her to see if she's ok? I'm going to send her a card this weekend anyway but i don't know how else i can be there for her at a time like this :( yoiu know what i'm trying to get at?

    I hate how life twists like this. One minute you have such good news (the baby) and things are great then bam, something just hits badly like so soon after. Life's a biatch :(
     
  2. lifeizsweet

    lifeizsweet PetForums VIP

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    Aww man i'm sorry to har that hun. I would probably (in my shoes) send some flowers and call her in a day or two. People deal with grief differently, give her space but let her know your there if she needs you.
     
  3. hobbs2004

    hobbs2004 PetForums VIP

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    People react to grief in different ways. Some seek out others, others just want to deal with things themselves. And because we all deal with it differently, well that can create friction and hurt and misunderstanding if we don't react like the other one is reacting.

    I guess the only thing you can do is tell her that you are there for her if wants a shoulder, a cry, a chat etc.

    Gosh, life can be cruel.
     
  4. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    Yeah i was going to send her a nice card...so sad this has happened so soon after the baby came.

    I even brought her baby a nice small teddy and i got her a new baby card too, but i don't think its very sensible for me to send that to her right now.

    I was just going to fb here in a private message and tell her if she wanted to talk or if she just wanted a really really really big hug i am here. But perhaps its a bit unwise to do so so soon and maybe the card is the way so far. I'll text her in a couple of days or something
     
  5. Zayna

    Zayna PetForums VIP

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    What terrible news!!

    I would do as the others have suggested. Send her a card, some flowers maybe and make it clear that you will be there for her when she needs you, thats all you can really do. Im sure when she gets over the inital shock of losing her brother she will want your support. Poor thing.:(
     
  6. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    I just feel useless because i can't do anything. This is my best friend. What sort of a friend am i being the one that just sits here?

    I want to send her mum and dad something too but i don't know their address...:(

    I hate life so much.
     
  7. rocco33

    rocco33 PetForums VIP

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    You're being the very best friend you can be. Support doesn't have to be hands on. Just knowing you are there will be a comfort and I'm sure when she is ready she will welcome your support. She will be going through a huge range of emotions and shock. Two extremes - life and death have visited her at once. She probably needs space - so give it to her. And know that you are being the very best friend by letting her deal with things until she is ready to come to you for support.
     
    Waterlily likes this.
  8. H0lly

    H0lly PetForums VIP

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    I would love to have a best friend like you, You are doing the best thing im sure as soon as she has dealt with the grief she will call and take you up on your offer of a big hug and a chat ,
     
  9. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    Thanks guys

    I was planning on textng her today as its been a couple of days since i last text her, which is when i heard the news, but i don't know what to say...'Hi hon how are you, hope you're ok, considering everthing' sounds a bit stupid to start off, esp with what's gone on. i don't want to sound as if i dont' care.
     
  10. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    Dont take it to heart to much, if she have just had a baby she may have a touch of baby blues ontop of the greving. People cope with things like this differently. I dont think she is ignoring you, probably just dont know how to cope with it all. By you just being there for her is the BEST thing you can do at the moment.
    Send her a text to say...."Ok no problems, I hope you are ok and I will be thinking about you, if there is ANYthing I can do for you then let me know ok".
    And yes send her a card and some flowers, then all you can do it wait for her to come around and contact you. It must be hard for you but sit back and wait, she will come to you dont worry ok. xxxxxxxxxx
     
  11. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    Never said she was ignoring me hon lol

    I just wanted advice from everyone re how i should deal with the situation and i want to text her today but i don't know what to say but i don't want her to think i don't care at the same time.

    I am sending her a card, which she should get on Tuesday, as mum just got me a card from work.
     
  12. haeveymolly

    haeveymolly PetForums VIP

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    Oh no this is awfull ime so sorry, i would send her a card with a nice message from you telling her how sorry and how you feel for her telling her that you are there for her and she only has to pick up the phone and you will be there.

    Being there for a friend at times like this doesnt just mean being there in person you can be just as good a comfort to her by letting her know that if she needed someone then she has that someone to call on.
     
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