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Families where both parents work... and housework (long, sorry)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by PoisonGirl, Aug 13, 2009.


  1. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    How do you do it?
    The last time I worked I was a student! I was working wed-sun night, getting hardly any sleep so I didn't miss out at college.

    My OH keeps saying I need to get a job. I keep making excuses. It's not that I don't want to get a job, I would love to. But I am not a people person and the thought of just starting a job with no one I know terrifies me!

    I also seriously doubt my ability to cope.
    I mean, my OH does not want to do housework or walk the dogs because he is always tired from work. He gets home from work between 5.30 and 6. Goes straight for a fag, then on the x box to chill out. Which I can totaly understand after a busy day at work. But if I ask him to do something, he says ''in a minute'' then forgets! Like tonight, I ask him to get the washing in so I can iron him a shirt for tomorrow. He left it so long I just did it because I wanted to iron and get it done with so I can relax!

    How on earth is anything going to get done at home if I work???


    I am going to admit, I have had a problem with keeping my house tidy before. I don't mean like your usual clothes on the floor dishes in the sink kind. I mean Real messy. Embarrasingly messy! :eek: Whats worse than that is I have done it since I had my son. When I was with my ex he never ever helped out and things just got so ontop of me! Like we only had a few sets of clothes to wash and wear, because the washing had piled up so far!

    Now I am better (I was depressed before) but I do fear things being messy, I fear that if I let things slip it will get bad again. And I cannot let that happen.
    At the moment I get exhausted running around after a 4yo, 2 dogs and 2 cats. I can just about cope with that. I love them all to bits, and could not contemplate getting rid of animals to make it easier to work. I would still have to run around after my OH and son!
    I have become obsessive with my tidying, and get frustrated that my hoover will not pick up all of Dave's ''carpet''. I cannot go to bed if the dishwasher needs doing, or if there is anything in the living room where it should not be.

    I don't think that if I went to work, I would be able to keep ontop of the housework without being exhausted, and that would make me feel as if I wasn't being a good mum if I was tired!

    I don't know what to do! I know we are a bit low on money right now, but I don't want the family to suffer because we are always tired!

    x
     
  2. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    Think you need to have some chill time. Most men will not help much if they're out and you're in. Maybe when I went out to work I was a bit lucky, hubs has been known to hoover now and then and even prepare spag bol when he's been at home and I was at work. Stop stressing about things, just because some people have a tidy house doesnt mean its a happy house. Eldests home drives me to distraction its a real tip and she only irons things that are needed for that day, dirty dishes pile up I'm sure until she runs out of dishes :eek: however she OH and child are happy and thats all that counts at the end of the day.
     
  3. sequeena

    sequeena PetForums VIP

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    When I was still working I admit it was hard to run a house and look after the dogs but it wasn't impossible.

    Have you considered some sort of therapy to help with your anxiety? Why not try volunteering in your local cancer research or oxfam?

    If you seriously want a job I would wait until your boy is in school full time (is he in school full time?) x
     
  4. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    Well I don't mind a wee bit of mess.... My bedroom suffers from clothes on the floor! Lol
    But I do like to have a wee tidy up before I go to bed.
    Also we rent, and the landlords are next door, I don't want them thinking we are messy, as our contract is up for renewal this month. I really enjoy living here. I also really don't think they are considering not letting us sign a new lease, as we have been talking about getting a cat flap put in before winter (they use the window).

    I usually have a pile of washing that needs ironing, but have to iron OH a shirt for every day, and trousers so smetimes I just get it all done :)

    But I like to spend time wit my son, Oh and the dogs. But how would I have time for all them plus housework after being at work?

    x
     
  5. Fleur

    Fleur Vassal to Lilly and Ludo

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    I work 3 days a week - and for those 3 days my house is normally a tip :blushing: I mean a proper mess- amazing how quickly 2 dogs and 3 teenagers can create a mess.
    - but Thursday is my House work day ;)
    Then Friday to Sunday it's just a case of doing things as I go along.
    Part time work sounds like a good solution for you
    Don't put yourself under to much pressure real people don't live in show homes.:) The best compliment I got was a few months ago I had a 12 girls from work around for dinner and one said 'I love coming here, your house is a real home and I'm not afraid to spill' :D and another who came for the 1st time said how she felt immediately comfortable and really welcome and that she could really relax and be herself. :)
     
    westie~ma likes this.
  6. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    He starts nursery after summer. he will get 5 sessions (half a day) a week.
    If I learn to drive, I would love to go work at Pets at Home as I have friends there. Lol

    What I Really want, is to be able to have another baby, and be a stay at home mum! Lol :D

    x
     
  7. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    Just like to add that once a week, usually mondays I have a me day. That means that bar cooking and washing up and seeing to dogs etc its my time where I do things for me. It dont matter what it is some days its sitting on internet others slobbing in front of the tv but you need that time for you regardless of whether you work or not. The hoover and iron stay in the cupboard just do what you feel.
    Nowt wrong with stay at home mums, more would agree with you if they had the courage
     
  8. TabbyRoad

    TabbyRoad Banned

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    we don't have kids but both OH and I work. We have the wonderful advantage of working from home days. She is far more senior than I am so she gets to pick and choose her days.

    As far as housework is concerned, our cleaner is a lifesaver! I thought I would never be the sort of person to get a cleaner but after we found ourselves spending one day a weekend cleaning the house enough was enough. We have a house that is way too big for just 2 but it all needs to be cleaned. If you go back to work and allow about £25 a week for a cleaner you won't believe the difference it makes. Once they start they only need to come for a few hours a week to keep on top of things.

    99% of people start work without knowing anyone. It's scary and everyone is nervous but it adds an extra dimension to your life other than kid, house, husband and dog. I don't consider cats high maintenance so they don't really count.
     
  9. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    I am going horse ridning on monday :D

    My son is off to his grannys for 10 days. I feel bad but I can't wait for tomorrow he always knows when it's nearly time for her to hav him and just pushes me past my limit! She has had him every 2 months for a long weekend since I moved home 3 years ago and she takes him for 10 - 14 days in the summer.

    I haven't been riding for Years but decided it was time I did something I enjoyed for once. My oh is taking the dogs to the beach for a good run while I am there :)

    x
     
  10. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    Trust me you may feel a little guilty but you will feel far better for it, you go :D
     
  11. sequeena

    sequeena PetForums VIP

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    Oh wow, what age do kids in Scotland start full time school? Kids here are in nursery by 3 :eek:
     
  12. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    4 or 5 depending on what month their birtday is.
    I think the cut off date is end of feb. So like, my son is 16 june 2005... so he go to school when he's 5. But if he was born in feb, he would go when hes 4 or something! I'm not sure. Lol

    He was in nursery before we moved, he had 2 free sessions a week.


    Oh I'm not going to feel guilty for doing something I love. Lol! The part I feel bad is that I can't wait until 6pm to drop my son off with his gran! My mum keeps comparing me to other mums and it really bugs me. SHe like 'so and so does nto get a break' blah blah. But loads of single mums, live close enough to the dad so he can see the kids regular. I don't. And I have had his granny there for babysitting since day one as she works part time and can just take days off whenever she wants.

    x
     
  13. Acacia86

    Acacia86 PetForums VIP

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    I really feel for you. I suffer from anxiety, i am lucky i work from home (and book-keeping when my daughter is at her dads) but i don't feel lucky at all.
    I also suffer OCD for cleaning and its crippling. Trying to juggle my 3 yr old angel, fur-babes, work and the OCD is a lot to try and deal with.

    The only advise i can offer is don't jump into working with people straight away. I know it sounds really bad, but i have been there. If you suffer Anxiety then try to help that problem first. After you have got to a level that you can deal with comfortably then you could into working with people.

    ****HUGS****

    xxxx
     
  14. sammyben

    sammyben Guest

    Yep, the cut off date is 28th Feb so depending on when their birthday is depends what they start school. They start nursery at 3 here and go for 2 years. My eldest was only at nursery for 1 1/2 yrs as his birthday is in September so he was still 4 when he started school last August, although my youngest misses out on starting school this year by 12 days. He will not start school til next Aug by which point he will be 5 1/2...its crazy how they work it!!!

    Anyway, back to OP....me and my hubby both work fulltime, doesn't do any housework unless I ask him to but I wouldnt expect him to as he is climbing up n down off lorries all day whilst I am just sat on my *rse :D

    At the end of the day though, as long as your house is not 'filthy' then who cares if it's slightly messy...it's 'lived in'! I have a HUGE ironing pile currently climbing its way up my bedroom wall but I HATE ironing so only do it when I have to, although if you get it out the washing machine n hung up quickly enough some things dont even need ironed :D
    Dishes get done every night, floors get swept every other day and washed at the weekend (unless they are really needing it), and dusting also gets done at the weekend. I tend to give the bathroom a quick wipe down every morning after the shower that way it doesn't need so much time spent on it at once!!

    Sorry for rambling...:p

    Housework is not as important as spending time with family!!

    x
     
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