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Ethical Question!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by CharleyRogan, Apr 1, 2011.


  1. CharleyRogan

    CharleyRogan PetForums VIP

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    If you desperately wanted a child and you were in a relationship, but you knew your child had a very high possibility of a congenital disease, would you still go ahead bearing in mind, that its going to make your job as a parent 10x harder and also the quality of life for the child?

    I just ask this because I am in doubt as to whether I should ever have children, as my dad has autism, my mums side there is autism, and I believe I also have it. From growing up my mum went into a deep depression because she could not cope which affected her other children- I am also prone to depression, and to see my brother grow up was hard because people just didn't understand him and thought he was naughty and a horrible child. When I grew up I was very quiet and still have no skills to make friends. But, I have seen what medication can do and how my brother has progressed and I am so proud of him, because I see the gigantic change in him, and how he is now an amazing person, caring, gentle and knows what he wants to do with his life, from violent, sad and bullied young boy. (He regularly used to hit us, and being a 6ft5 since he was about 13, he was pretty strong!)

    All in all, I see that being a parent to a child with difficulties is hard, but when you see an improvement its wonderful for everyone around them, and also they do things you didn't expect they would ever do.

    So what would you do? If knowing that life was going to be extremely hard all round, but you knew at the end of it you would see an amazing difference and your child could live a nearly normal life?
     
  2. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    Well there's no way of knowing for sure that that is how it would turn out. Honestly, if you want a child for the right reasons then go for it. I would. I have a VERY strong desire to have children and I don't think that would change my mind. I've grown up with a brother with special needs so I can understand how things could be difficult and I know there could be a chance of it happening to one of my children because we don't exactly know what it is but babies are hard anyway. Children are hard. Teenagers are awful :p It's all going to be difficult at different times and in different severities. Hopefully what you know will help you with your child if it has trouble and if not, you can raise your child to be more compassionate to others with troubles.
     
  3. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    No i couldn't have children if i knew there was going to be problems. :(
     
  4. haeveymolly

    haeveymolly PetForums VIP

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    Ime not sure on this one it would depend on the severity and if the child as an adult could cope look after him/herself when we were gone.
     
  5. skyblue

    skyblue PetForums VIP

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    now consider the possibility that people in history like michaelangelo and einstein were autistic..and theres others
     
  6. CharleyRogan

    CharleyRogan PetForums VIP

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    Thats what I mean, your child could grow up and become the next big thing.BUT such people were never diagnosed as Autistic and didn't know there was anything 'wrong' with them, a child now would know and have a stigma attatched to them.
     
  7. WelshOneEmma

    WelshOneEmma PetForums VIP

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    Probably not. I would see if I could adopt.

    But it depends on what you are classing as the congenital disease. Autism, probably not, given its understanding and teaching these days. A genetic disease that would cause them to suffer / die young, then no.
     
  8. Miss.PuddyCat

    Miss.PuddyCat PetForums VIP

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    Theres nothing wrong with special needs kids :p there just different.

    For me it would depend on severity of the condition. Ive worked with kids that are autistic, wheel chair bound, aspergers , downs, to students having seizures and growth problems. Other kids were a little mental unbalanced.

    When my mom became pregnant with me, they had just diagnosed my dad with Epstein Bar Virus (No cure and it happened 21yrs ago) she informed my parents that she would advise them not to have children because a spouse coping with another who has this virus is very hard. Well they still had me and my brother :D Thankfully as far as Im aware this virus can not be passed on through genetics.

    My parents are divorced now but not to do with my dad being sick. If I remember correctly people with learning disabilities can pass them on to their children. I have learning disabilities but it wont put me off having kids.
     
  9. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    Deciding not to have a child because of potential mental disabilities just smacks of wrong to me. I don't know why, it just feels like if the child isn't perfect they're not worth it. I admire people that knowingly carry their downs babies full term and give them a full deserving life. Something that would cause your child pain I can understand. Potential mental health problems, no.
     
  10. Nicky10

    Nicky10 PetForums VIP

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    If I knew there was a possibility of a condition that could be genetically tested for both me and husband would be tested and if we were both carriers, unlikely but I've heard of it happening even for very rare conditions, I either would never have children or use IVF and embryo screening to ensure none are affected. Something like autisim I'm not so sure I've met austic people who it barely affects and others that are very severly affected. I don't think I would not have children because it was in my family.

    I was tested as borderline autistic I think most people would fall somewhere on the spectrum.
     
    #10 Nicky10, Apr 1, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2011
  11. Eroswoof

    Eroswoof Guest

    Having mental illnesses myself and also slight autism I'd have to say no. No way would I put anyone else through it.

    Em
    xx
     
  12. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    That's another thing, surely you know Autism is a spectrum disorder?
     
  13. Eroswoof

    Eroswoof Guest

    Me or op? :lol:

    I know yes, and I'm way down the spectrum, but it's still impacted my life terribly

    Em
    xx
     
  14. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    OP :) Just saying though that if it does happen it might barely affect them
     
  15. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    NO
    My cousins wife has huntingdons, it is inherited, her mam has it, both she and her sister were tested for it, her sister is clear, she was'nt, and is a ticking timebomb. This is not something you would wish on anyone. Her two boys are now of age, they want to know if they have inherited this, and both have said that if they have they both want to undergo sterilisation.
     
  16. RockRomantic

    RockRomantic Gobsh!te

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    I would.

    Not quite the same but

    i have a genetic problem theres 50% chance any child i have has brain damage, a disability, severe disfigurement, 25% of bone growth problems, 25% it'll be healthy.

    It's a hard decision to make. But it's only one you and your partner can decide. I want kids, my husband wants kids. I want tests for any possible problems if it happens for us, he doesn't due to risks. That's something we'll talk about nearer the time when it happens.

    It's a high possibility...not a definite.

    :)
     
  17. Chrissysarah

    Chrissysarah PetForums Junior

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    I have mental health problems too which I only found out about in early 20s... triggered by pregnancy. I would not have had kids if i had known this & the thought that they could pass on this genetic disease is awful. So far my kids seem fine, but who knows.
    Its something I would not wish on my worst enemy.
    But its individual choice.. would not be without them now & I manage but its hard xxx
     
  18. CharleyRogan

    CharleyRogan PetForums VIP

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    Yeah I know its spectrum, but my brother and dad are high functioning aspergers, and it has impacted my family in both ways good and bad!
     
  19. Bandy

    Bandy Banned

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    That would be the deciding factor for me...the childs well being.
     
  20. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    Very brave of you :) I hope all works out the best for you. I think the pull to have a child personally is too strong and while I would consider adoption at some point, I would first want to have a child that is genetically mine and OH's. Again with my brothers special needs being undiagnosed we don't know if it could be genetic or something that happened by chance and that's a risk I'll be willing to take.
     
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