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Don't think i can cope

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by flyballcrazy, Apr 20, 2011.


  1. flyballcrazy

    flyballcrazy PetForums Senior

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    Tomorrows my Nan's funeral and even though i know i should be their for my mum, i don't think i can:(:(

    This week has been a complete nightmare i started a new job last Saturday which i hate and have to work tonight.

    My Nan's husband is refusing to come to the wake and said he wont pay for my Nan's funeral either, even though my Nan has been putting money into his account every month since she was diagnosed with cancer.:mad: over £800 a month for 4 months.

    Just don't know what to do?
     
  2. xhuskyloverx

    xhuskyloverx PetForums VIP

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    Can't offer any advice but didn't want to read and run.

    Kind of know how you feel though, its my grandads funeral tomorrow :( I'm not going, but my mums ok with that as she will have plenty of family around her and she preferred me not to go anyway.

    If you really feel like you can't go to the funeral maybe you could just go to the wake afterwards?
     
  3. katie200

    katie200 PetForums VIP

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    awwww im sorry for you loss hun i didnt go to my nan funeral either as i choose to remember her for how she was so there no shame in not going my thoughs are with you and your family (((((hugs))))
     
  4. deb53

    deb53 PetForums VIP

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    So sorry to hear about the passing of your Nan xxx

    Its an awful time, your head is going through loads of different emotions. You really must do what you feel is right for yourself. I really feel for you (((hug)))

    Tomorrow you may feel different. Will be thinking of you.

    xxx
     
  5. flyballcrazy

    flyballcrazy PetForums Senior

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    Hugs coming your way:)
     
  6. BeagleOesx

    BeagleOesx PetForums VIP

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    So sorry about your loss. I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can but I would just say go with your heart and how you feel.
     
  7. katie200

    katie200 PetForums VIP

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    ((((((((((((((((((massave hugs for you)))))))))))))) sorry for your loss
    ((((((((((((((((hugs to you too))))))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  8. JANICE199

    JANICE199 PetForums VIP

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    So sorry to hear of your loss.If you feel you would be better off not going to the funeral then don't feel bad about it.We all deal with grief in our own way.
    I lost my oldest brother last year and i was closer to him than anyone else in the family,but i couldn't go to his funeral.Truth was i didn't want to say goodbye to him.But i had one of favourite songs played at the funeral and a message from me to him read out.xx
     
  9. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    So sorry to hear this. I know a few who didn't go to a family members funeral and felt really bad about it, but they went and visited the grave the following day and paid their respects then, everyone deals with it in their own little way. There is no right or wrong in this and it is how YOU feel about it and how you can cope. Your nan knew you loved her and I would of thought she would of wanted you to do what you felt comfortable with.
    Ignore that man who supposedly cared for your nan, he isn't worth wasting your breath over, as for him not paying for it when your nan was the one who put the money by for her funeral.....what goes around comes around ten-fold, he will end up a lonely old man. Hope everything goes well tomorrow and you feel a bit better in yourself xxxxxx
     
  10. HelloKittyHannah

    HelloKittyHannah PetForums VIP

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    Very sorry for your loss :(

    My personal thoughts are that if you don't go you could regret it for the rest of your life, if you do go you're unlikely to wish you hadn't.
    Obviously that's just my way of viewing it and everybody grieves differently but I could never not go, because you don't get another chance to do it.
     
  11. Pointermum

    Pointermum PetForums VIP

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    I had to got to my BIL funeral earlier this year he was only 25 when he died and my sister was left a single mum to their 6 year old, it was a truly harrowing time :crying: It was the worse feeling having to go to his funeral and i cried all the way through it but i had to go to it to be there for my sister, no one really wants to go to a funeral but i feel it has to be done.

    So sorry for you loss (((hugs)))
     
  12. loulou87

    loulou87 PetForums Junior

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    you should do what you feel is best im sure your mom would understand.
    I went to my Nans funeral- she passed away from Cancer when i was 17 and i was SO angry with everyone im not sure i made anyone fel better. I didnt cry as much as some people but everyone deals with it in different ways.

    if you think you would deal with it better alone then dont go, your nan knows you cared about her and loved her so being at a ceremony will make no difference to her. i needed to go because it meant i could say bye and even though i was angry i needed to do it. Like i said do what is best for you.

    it does get easier and as much as you think its hard now youll start to remember happy times and smile about them rather than cry. it all takes time to deal with. I guess its not being made easier considering her husband is being a complete tool- but maybe its just his way with dealing with it all. he might need to be spiteful and push everyone away.

    just do what you want and treat everyone how you would want to be treated. Im truly sorry for your loss and hope you make the right decision, only you can decide that. :) hugs :) x
     
  13. AmberNero

    AmberNero PetForums VIP

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    I'm sorry you're going through this xxx ((hugs))
     
  14. Nicky10

    Nicky10 PetForums VIP

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've always regretted not being allowed to go to my granny's funeral but if you feel it's best for you then don't go. Ignore her husband even if he is grieving he's not worth upsetting yourself more over
     
  15. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

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    Totally agree.
    Sorry to hear of your loss xx

    I was a complete mess on the day of my moms funeral. To be honest i have no idea how i got through it, i had my grandad there who blamed me for her death and moms aunt and cousin...I had my moms friend there who has now turned into a close friend of mine, my aunt and uncle was there (stayed with me for a few days) and my brother who was 12.

    I can honestly say it was one of the hardest days of my life but had to get through it because i needed to say goodbye.

    I know everyone deals with things on their own way but i personally think a funeral is a good thing for grief it helps you say your final goodbye.
     
  16. Pets2luv.webs.com

    Pets2luv.webs.com PetForums VIP

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    I wasnt allowed to go to my grandads when I was a child as my family thought it wasnt a place for children. I have always wished that I could have gone and feel like I am the only one who didnt get to say goodbye. I went to my nans last year I was feeling the same as you I knew I wanted to be there but knew I would be in a state all the way thru. I did go and yes I was crying all the way thru it but I am so glad that I did. It some ways it was my time to get all my crying out although of course I have cried when thinking about her which is only natural as she was an important member of the whole family as is sadly missed. She is now back where she belongs with my grandad after 22 years of being apart. That thought helped me through the pain.

    Sending you big hugs and hope you do what is right for you. x x x
     
  17. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    Hugs xxxxx
     
  18. owieprone

    owieprone PetForums VIP

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    do what's best for you, NOT what'll be nice for anyone else.

    you can always go and visit nan's grave later in the day or the next day. i'm sure nan would have understood why you felt you couldn't go.

    you shouldn't feel guilty for not going, if you decide not to, afterall, it doesn't mean you don't miss her anyless than anyone else does it? ignore what other people say (your family etc), and have a good long think about what you want. then go see nan when you're ready.

    My gran died the month before my wedding, which tbh i was very grateful for cos it wouldn't have been the same knowing she wasn't able to make it or if she had she wouldn't have known what the fek was going on (dementia/alzheimers). Her funeral was boringly religious but i know she would have loved it and i actually enjoyed myself. I liked the feeling of knowing she was in 'heaven' with 'god' (she was a believer, even if she'd forgotten that.. along with the fact she used to smoke, and how to put shoes on.. or indeed what they were). I thought i would find it really hard, especially the bit where we put the coffin in the hole, but actually it was pleasant knowing she and papa now shared the grave they had chosen, and that day helped me enjoy my wedding knowing she was with the rest of the family-past looking down enjoying it too.

    do what is best for you.

    big hugs.
     
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