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does anyone have any jokes or no any cos like share with me&everyone

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by sexy erica, Mar 30, 2008.


  1. sexy erica

    sexy erica PetForums VIP

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    does anyone have any jokes so can be any jokes or do u no any so can say as much as u like.would u like share them all with me&everyone else..
    this is just fun&can have laught&be somethin fun do?
     
  2. Barney

    Barney PetForums VIP

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    whats the differance between a bowling ball and a slapper.......nothing they both get picked up fingered then banged down a alley:D
     
  3. borderer

    borderer Guest

    I THOUGHT I SEEN A LOAF OF BREAD IN SUPERMARKET WITH YOUR NAME ON.BUT WHEN I LOOKED IT SAID THICK CUT
     
  4. sexy erica

    sexy erica PetForums VIP

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    that was funny..
    can tell me more if u like as many as u want?
     
  5. mrsdusty

    mrsdusty Guest

    what do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

    a woolly jumper!!
     
  6. sexy erica

    sexy erica PetForums VIP

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    what wobbles in cot?
    jelly baby
     
  7. mrsdusty

    mrsdusty Guest

    God's Diet

    In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, Cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

    Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And lo and behold they gained 10 pounds.


    Then God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

    And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14


    So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'.And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.


    God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.


    Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced he starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.


    God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.


    Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.Then Satan said, 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.


    God sighed and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

    And then. Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.



    THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
    After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:


    1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.


    CONCLUSION:

    Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
     
  8. Thats really Good!
     
  9. foxylady

    foxylady PetForums Senior

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    IT'S DARK IN HERE .....................

    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
    Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly,
    sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's
    husband also comes home. She puts her
    lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in there
    already. The little boy says,
    "Dark in here."
    The man says, "Yes, it is."
    Boy - "I have a football."
    Man - "That's nice."
    Boy - "Want to buy it?"
    Man - "No, thanks."
    Boy - "My dad's outside."
    Man - "OK, how much?"
    Boy - "$250"
    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
    in the cupboard together.
    Boy - "Dark in here."
    Man - "Yes, it is."
    Boy - "I have football boots."
    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" !
    Boy - "$750"
    Man - "Sold."
    A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots
    and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer."
    The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
    The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
    Boy -"$1,000."
    The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
    That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going
    to take you to church and make you confess."
    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
    confession booth and he closes the door.
    The boy says, "Dark in here."
    The priest says, "Don't start that **** again. You're in my cupboard
    now"
     
  10. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    :D:D.................
     
  11. minnie

    minnie PetForums VIP

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    ha ha ha!!!:D:D:D
     
  12. sexy erica

    sexy erica PetForums VIP

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    hi all.
    keep up with jokes as funny&helps cheer u up
     
  13. minnie

    minnie PetForums VIP

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    100 Ways To Diet" by I. M. Hungry

    "A Sailor's Adventure" by Ron A. Ground
    "A Stitch in Time" by Justin Case
    "Advanced Math" by Smart E. Pants
    "After School" by Dee Tension
    "All About Flowers" by Chris Anthymum
    more later:)
     
  14. sexy erica

    sexy erica PetForums VIP

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    good one.u say good jokes.anyone cam say there jokes or as many as u want as its for laught
     
  15. Fade to Grey

    Fade to Grey PetForums VIP

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    At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

    "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

    "Sadness," said the student.

    "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

    "Elation," she said.

    "And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"

    The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ."
     
  16. sexy erica

    sexy erica PetForums VIP

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    ha keep it up as we love ur jokes as bet u have loads to put on here?can say as many as u like as need a laught at times
     
  17. Fade to Grey

    Fade to Grey PetForums VIP

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    A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

    "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

    "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.

    But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

    He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
     
  18. Fade to Grey

    Fade to Grey PetForums VIP

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    this one's a bit naughtier!


    Q: How did Pinocchio find out he had a wooden dick?

    A: His hand caught on fire.
     
  19. minnie

    minnie PetForums VIP

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  20.  
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