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Do you think this is unreasonable?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Jobeth, Sep 19, 2013.


  1. Jobeth

    Jobeth PetForums VIP

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    I lent my sister £1000 a while ago and she couldn't afford to pay it back. My parents helped her out and paid it instead. They are on holiday at the moment and I've lent her £700. I was going to suggest that instead of buying them christmas presents and a present for my BiL for his birthday that I take £100 off and just get them a token gift.

    I also found an accountant that will look at their finances as I pay for little things all the time as do my parents who are retired. They earn double what I do and so I don't really understand why they struggle so much.

    I'm on my yearly review with a neurologist and have another MRI scan. I want to use some of my savings for the yearly £5000 over pay to reduce my mortgage just in case what I have gets worse. I keep putting it off though in case she needs more money. I think I need to think about myself more and so do my parents. I'm not sure though as I find it hard when I can help, but don't feel that it is solving anything.
     
  2. Sleeping_Lion

    Sleeping_Lion Banned

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    People who borrow money always do, as long as the person is willing to lend. My brother is awful with money, he used to borrow from me, until I told him the only time I saw him was when he was short of cash and needed to borrow some. He still borrows money from my parents, well, I say borrows, he never pays it back, but he never asks me. He's old and should know better, but unfortunately doesn't.

    I was always brought up with the old addage, neither a borrower nor a lender be, and I've stuck to that except for a mortgage.
     
  3. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    If they're earning more than you then why do they need a "loan" to be honest I would have it out with them about just how much they get and where it goes. I understand that it could be difficult especially as its family. But if they're asking for this much money then I think you have a right to know why they need it and what they have done with their wage. ;)

    I help one of my sisters out now and then (average every other month) but then I know money is tight for her, her job was reduced to job share and her wages halved, she would be better off unemployed. :mad:
     
  4. Pointermum

    Pointermum PetForums VIP

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    If they earn double what you do, why are you helping them out ? Sounds as if your all just enabling their bad way with money. If they can over spend and there is no consequence, they will just keep doing it . Unfortunately not everyone has the same shame and morals not to ponce off other people :rolleyes:
     
  5. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    What kind of lifestyle is your Sister & BIL living? Do they have a swanky house with all the latest gadgets, new cars every 18 months and a couple of nice holidays a year? If so, that is what you are paying for with your loans.

    Or, do they have children and income has been reduced due to changes in the financial climate which means they are struggling to make ends meet and keep the roof over their heads? If so, this is more understandable and they need help to adjust to cutting their cloth to match their income.

    You need to find out exactly what you are funding with these 'loans' and assess if they can be justified. Ultimately, you have your own health problems and need to make yourself the priority at this time and giving your savings away to your sister does not help you.

    I know it is tough with family but, be really honest with yourself, if your health were to suddenly nose-dive how much assistance would you get back from your sister?
     
  6. Lavenderb

    Lavenderb PetForums VIP

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    If you don't look after number one (you)....you can't help anyone else.;)
     
  7. owns the beast

    owns the beast PetForums Senior

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    I'd probably lend money as a one-off if it was justified but I'd want to know what it was for. These are large amounts of money you're 'lending' and if you continue to do so then you'll be asked repeatedly I suspect. An easy way out is just to say you're saving yourself and can't afford it - it's the truth anyway. You do need to think of yourself more.
     
  8. Aurelie

    Aurelie PetForums VIP

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    Does your sister know that by lending her money for holidays etc that you are putting off overpaying your mortgage and also the reason you are planning the overpayment? Being very honest and open with her might shock her out of seeing you as a walking bridging loan for when she can't manage.
     
  9. cheekyscrip

    cheekyscrip Pitchfork blaster

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    if she did not pay..and parents had to...she willnot pay (and it would be really unfair to ask them to do it again...)


    Just do not ever lend more...
     
  10. DoodlesRule

    DoodlesRule PetForums VIP

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    I adore my sister she is my best friend, financially she doesn't have a pot to p*ss in but I don't lend her money and she would never dream of asking.

    I help her in other ways - if we go out for a meal I will pay for her otherwise she wouldn't be able to go, when she was ill I cooked a sunday lunch for her and children and took it down, have made her curtains things like that
     
  11. kateh8888

    kateh8888 PetForums VIP

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    It sounds like you need to think about yourself first. Hard, I know.
     
  12. smudgiesmummy

    smudgiesmummy PetForums VIP

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    i agree with others , put yourself first , i certainly wouldn't keep lending money to someone who cant pay it back

    i lent money to a friend ( was a friend ) and she still owes it me and no intention of paying it back , my ex fiance owes me around £5000, and my parents around the same , but mines diff in another way as he did fraud on me and my parents
     
  13. Jobeth

    Jobeth PetForums VIP

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    Thanks. I don't want to say too much as she is my sister. My parents are retired, but well off. I still think they should spend the money on themselves as they earned it. I know they don't want her to get into more debt, so I'd rather lend her the money this time. She knows why I want to pay off my mortgage early. My diagnosis though is 'currently not MS' so whilst I'll know at the scan if there is more demylelination I'm lucky that I don't have it at the moment so it seems that I'm just worrying. I pay for lots of little extras and have always paid everything for the children when they come for a sleep over, days out, holidays etc. I think I need to talk to my parents to see what to do next.
     
  14. cheekyscrip

    cheekyscrip Pitchfork blaster

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    just do not lend more ...and cut down on treats except maybe the kids..who are not responsible for the parents..


    Be good to yourself...your sister is selfish..even though she is your sister..but that does not mean she has any rights to use you.
    Does not matter if you can afford it..if it is a loan and not being paid..no more loans!!!

    (my mum was doing the same..and it took her to her 70th year to realise how really foolish she was! and never a "thank you")
    Break the habit!
     
  15. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    Why is she / they in debt? Is it because they cannot manage their money? Because they like the good life? Or both?

    She / they will NOT learn to control their spending whilst you & your parents are there to bail them out.

    Sometimes the only way to actually help people is to let them hit the bottom. For some, this is the only time they will make the effort to get their act together.

    Harsh I know but also - sadly - true.
     
  16. DoodlesRule

    DoodlesRule PetForums VIP

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    Being kind, caring and helping out is one thing but being taken for a ride and used really isn't very nice. If you re-think it that you are giving her money rather than a loan (if you know full well it will not be repaid then it isn't a loan) may help to see things as they are more clearly.

    Pure guess but is your sister the youngest and used to being bailed out, other people sorting any problems ?
     
  17. Pointermum

    Pointermum PetForums VIP

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    My older sister is the "taker" in my family, she has horses , smokes , yet her kids will have hole in their shoes so my mum or dad will buy the kids new shoes . It drives me crazy :mad2: I gave her some of my kids old clothes, nice stuff like Next, Boden, Joules and i found out she kept a few bits and took the rest to one of these clothes banks that give you money for them :mad5: Some people are just takers :rolleyes:
     
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