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Do you / Did you want children?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ellenlouisepascoe, Oct 3, 2013.


  1. ellenlouisepascoe

    ellenlouisepascoe PetForums VIP

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    Thought this would make an interesting conversation.

    There is a new baby on my husbands side of the family which we have been to visit today. Everyone who was visiting while we were at some point turned their attention to me and asked " So when are you two having one"

    I'm 26 I've been married just over a year and I have never wanted children, not even for the briefest of seconds has my mind changed. My husband was aware of this before he married me as were his family. It's not that I don't like children, because I do. I have 2 nieces and 2 nephews whom I adore and have always and will always dote on I just don't want one of my own.

    What I don't understand is people feeling compelled to lecture me about my decision not to have children, I'm always fed the " You'll change your mind" ... " You don't know your life is complete till you have one" .... " Everyone wants babies it's natural" I don't understand why they can't just say " Oh ok that's your decision"

    It would be like me lecturing someone " You don't want a dog, you don't know your life is complete till you have one" which I would never do.

    So do you, or don't you lovely lot want / or have children? Tell me your stories:eek:
     
  2. cheekyscrip

    cheekyscrip Pitchfork blaster

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    sometimes...but quite often I am glad when they go to sleep1
     
  3. SirHiss

    SirHiss Guest

    I did not want children, now I have two lol

    They just appeared one day by complete miracle :D
     
  4. Marycat

    Marycat PetForums Senior

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    I never wanted kids. Ironically I love them but never felt the need to have them. I am nearly 40 now and have never regretted my decision.
    I do think the time to have kids is when you are young and daft, you get set in your ways when you get older.
    People do feel the need to tell you what to do. I love it when they ask 'who will look after you when you are old' What a selfish reason to have children..!
     
  5. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

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    Never. I've known with certainty since the age of 13 that I didn't want kids. In those days all women were expected to get married and have kids :nonod:
     
  6. tinktinktinkerbell

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  7. ellenlouisepascoe

    ellenlouisepascoe PetForums VIP

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    I was about 12 when I decided not to have children, I love babies love going to get cuddles from my friends and families newborns, my sisters youngest is the most amazing little girl I've ever met so loving and kind and clever but still my womb doesn't tingle! I spoil my friends and families children like nobodies business , I've had their babies over night or for a couple of days and still.... nothing...


    PS my oldest nephew said he'd look after me when I got old so I have a backup plan! :p
     
  8. LynnM

    LynnM PetForums Senior

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    I never wanted children. In fact when I was 19 and not long married a lady came into the chemist where I worked carrying a new born baby girl. Everyone was cooing over it and one of the older women who I worked with said to me "Wouldn't you like one?" Without thinking I told the truth and replied "I'd rather have a puppy".

    2 years later and something kicked in and I wanted children. I had 2 and now that they are older my maternal instincts have totally disappeared again. :confused:
     
  9. Cleo38

    Cleo38 PetForums VIP

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    No, I've always known this ever since I can remember. I have never, ever felt that I may change my mind.

    I don't particularly like children but adore my niece & nephew however even seeing them when they were babies I never felt any maternal feelings. Its just something I've always been certain of tbh
     
  10. la468

    la468 Guest

    I'm unsure. I do want kids but don't at the same time.

    I get people asking when I'm gonna have kids, some of OH's family even admitted they were wondering why we hadn't had a child yet. I tell them I want to progress in a career before kids come into the picture.

    On the other hand I would love a lifestyle where I could do whatever I want, go on as many holidays as I like, be able to not worry about cooking the children's tea, or who's going on the school run.

    So I'm really not sure what I want haha!

    One thing that annoys me though, when people say I haven't experienced real love until I've had a child. I've had that said to me before and it is quite upsetting. There's a chance I might not be able to have kids naturally so it annoys me.
     
    #10 la468, Oct 3, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 4, 2013
  11. ellenlouisepascoe

    ellenlouisepascoe PetForums VIP

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    People treat you like you are broken when you say you don't want children, someone actually asked me " Is it that you don't want them, or that you can't have them?" :confused:

    I would never question someones desire to have a baby, so why question mine to not have one.
     
  12. Aurelie

    Aurelie PetForums VIP

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    I have never been particuarly broody but I did always know I wanted children one day. We now have two and obviously are very happy etc, but I do understand why people don't want them. Just because you can, it doesn't mean you should and I think it's a big insult to assume that people who manage every other aspect of their lives are making a mistake in not having children.
     
  13. munchkinpie

    munchkinpie PetForums VIP

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    I too have always known I didn't want children. I recently went see about getting sterilised for the second time as the pill etc worsens my migraines to the point I'm off work sometimes a week at a time with them. I was told no (surprise surprise) and that most woman want children it's NORMAL. Well I don't so I must be abnormal. It's not a nice world to bring children into and things don't look as though they are getting better. Your better off with animals :)
     
  14. Chillicat

    Chillicat PetForums VIP

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    I understand where you are coming from with the comments.

    On our Wedding Day we were told to "save the top tier of the cake for the christening" 5 years later we had to throw it away as it had slowly turned to dust on top of the fridge :p and they are still waiting 13 years on. At least by the time 6 years had passed people stopped asking, so there is hope.:D

    I love children and have always felt that I would like one some day, OH always knew this, but has never been around children and always felt that he was to highly strung for kids, :eek: I had the best of both worlds as I work with children as a Nursery Nurse so had the fun and then handed them back, never having the sleepless nights. ;)

    In the last 6 months OH has felt ready for kids and we were planning on trying next year before I turn 40. His redundancy has put this plan on hold for a bit longer now which he is more gutted about then me.:eek:

    We have made the decision that 'what will be will be'.:)
     
  15. SirHiss

    SirHiss Guest

    Although I would not quite put things like that, as there are people in my life that I love lots, yet I love my children more.

    There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my children, I'd fight like a lioness over them, do anything within my power to protect them from harm, I would lay my own life on the line for them, there are elements of what has been said to you that are true, yet those aren't really the words I would have chosen myself.

    It's the kind of love you can't really explain :)

    I mean that in the nicest possible way:)
     
  16. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

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    Yeah, I have always known i wanted to be a mom since i was old enough to hold a doll i knew i wanted a real baby.

    Im now 26 and have three...we plan on having one more but i pray to god that if/when we have another my maternal instincts subside because i do not want anymore after that!
     
  17. ellenlouisepascoe

    ellenlouisepascoe PetForums VIP

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    I told my husband I would get my tubes tied now if the doctor would allow me I suffer each and every month and I think well why suffer when I don't want children ? My doctor told me no too, said there are more implications than I realise which is true
     
  18. la468

    la468 Guest

    I understand what you mean :) I think it was just the way it was said to me that got to me.
     
  19. SirHiss

    SirHiss Guest

    When put that way, it would get to anyone, it would get to me:)

    It is a different kind of love, yet it does not make any other kind of love less worthy, or less meaningful.
     
  20. BenBoy

    BenBoy Banned

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    I am 27 and hubby is 30, we have been married for 2.5 years now, we have our own house and a Labrador. Some might say we are in a great position for a baby...but then I think of my credit card bill and wouldn't it be better for me to lose my weight before having a baby.....

    Maybe I am just putting it off but I have it in my head that it wouldn't be safe for me to have a baby at my size.

    Then there is the whole I am on anti depressants thing which isn't advisable when pregnant, then I would be at risk of post natal depression...

    My family and friends say I am ready for a baby and that's why I got a puppy...
     
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