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Do I say something?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Cazza1974, May 5, 2011.


  1. Cazza1974

    Cazza1974 PetForums VIP

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    As some of you know my ex is getting married. Well the date has been set for September 17th.
    Right, well, he is now using the wedding as an excuse not to provide for the girls, saying that "he has a wedding to pay for". Katie asked him for some money on Monday, to buy sawdust for the buns and that was his reply.
    Now a lot of what he says is so he can see if he can get a reaction from me and I am not sure if I should say something. Katie needs new school shoes and come summer she will need an entire new uniform getting for next school year.
    Grace isn't bothered anymore and has said that she is going to find a job to get her own pocket money now.
    I mean I could be a total b**** here and go straight to CSA, but we agreed after the split that he would give me some money towards their upkeep (which also needs raising) and if they needed anything else he would get it.
     
  2. Devil-Dogz

    Devil-Dogz PetForums VIP

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    Just because hes getting marrid doesnt stop him being a 'dad' - his children should always come first, he cant pick and choose 'because hes getting marrid'. The children are still partly his responsability to.
     
  3. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

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    This sort of thing really makes me mad.... If he cant provide for his kids then he shouldnt be getting married! Kids should come first and if he cant afford the wedding then dont have one! END OF.
    I wouldnt bother asking him for ANYTHING just go straight through the CSA people like him are not worth getting in a tiz about.
     
  4. snoopydo

    snoopydo PetForums VIP

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    I Agree just becouse he has a wedding to pay for..Should'nt mean he can't pay for his children. They are also his respnsibility.
     
  5. classixuk

    classixuk PetForums VIP

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    I'd say something. Something like this...

    "I appreciate you're getting married and I wish you every success, but the girls are feeling very let down that they are coming second, not to your new partner, but to the wedding arrangements. I'm concerned that the financial support for the girls has never really been made into a proper arrangement, and now I feel as though they are suffering because you and I didn't really agree properly what those arrangements would be.
    I've written down what I understand the arrangement to be, and I want us both to check it over. If it need's altering, we can do that, but then afterwards I think it's best if we both sign it and keep to it for the girl's security and peace of mind. Are you OK with that?"
     
  6. sazjf

    sazjf PetForums Member

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    You agreed to not to go to the csa if he made regular payments to your childrens upkeep.
    He stops payments, (which is disgusting!) and so you go to the csa!

    I cant stand people who dont pay for their childrens upkeep, or who will see their children when they feel like it, my friend is having this one in particular at the moment!!

    Good luck in sorting it out
     
  7. Zaros

    Zaros Pet Forums, P/resident Evil

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    You're paying for sawdust? :confused:

    Surely there must be a local woodyard/timber merchant close by who would be willing to give the stuff away?
     
  8. Heather78

    Heather78 PetForums Senior

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    I think he should pay for your children, I agree with the others, if he can't afford to pay for his children, he shouldn't be getting married. His children should always come first. Maybe threaten him that you'll go to csa, or just ring them and go through them anyway and if he says anything, just say they got in touch with you or something, that's what I did when I had trouble trying to get my ex to pay for our children.
     
  9. Mum2Alfie

    Mum2Alfie PetForums VIP

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    He cant use that as an excuse not to look after his kids! I would threaten him. Say that you had an agreement and his going back on it so unless he wants you to go to CSA then to pay up. Dont have to yell, just nice and calmly tell him as it stands! good luck!
     
  10. metaldog

    metaldog PetForums VIP

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    You can't get anything for free here in the UK any more. Even bones from the butchers that used to be free are 80p for 2 :eek:

    To the OP I think it's disgusting that he'd actually say that to your daughter. I'd got to the CSA, his next excuse will be 'I've got a wife to support now'.
     
  11. GiddyKipper

    GiddyKipper PetForums Member

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    This is good - the last thing you want is for any communication between you both to deteriorate into negativity and threats of CSA, because the only people that will suffer are your girls. Being proactive, diplomatic and painfully polite means that you've done everything in your power to prevent the situation between yourself and him deteriorating further - the ball will be in his court, and if he doesn't want to play then you've at least given him a chance to rectify it before taking further action.
    If you can, try and get an agreement down on paper that ideally includes a direct debit, or standing order from him to yourself or the girls, as he must contribute to their upkeep regularly, and can't fob you all off with a wedding - since when did a wedding come before the needs of children? They were there first!

    My partner has a standing order every month to his ex to support their son, and it just prevents any disagreements between them. They haven't got CSA involved, and are probably better for it - no one's being coerced, they're both fufilling their responsibilities as parents. If you can sort it between yourselves, I would do so.

    CSA is there to fight your corner, but I'd only use it if he's genuinely refusing to regularly contribute towards his daughters. Then set the CSA hounds on him and see how skint he is then!

    Good luck, I hope it gets sorted out :)
     
  12. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    Just because he is getting married it don't mean to say that he have to neglect the children he have had with you, they are his daughters and they have needs too, you cant be expected to pay for everything, if the CSA found out he isn't paying anything then they would automatically start taking a 3rd of his wages. Child support is not a thing he can brush to one side, this is a payment that HAVE to be paid. I was divorced from my first husband before the CSA came onto law, my husband had to pay me 2p per child per week...............yes I have put the amount down right...2p how stupid is that.
    I hope he decides to give your girls something towards what they need and if he dont then go to CSA and report it.
     
  13. Gilly and Jess

    Gilly and Jess PetForums Senior

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    Blimey, he can't afford a couple of quid for a bit sawdust?? He must be really strapped........:rolleyes:: :rolleyes:: :rolleyes::

    What a tightwad! I'd be blowing my stack personally. What will the excuse be next time, he has a honeymoon/holiday/whatever the hell else is feeble to pay for??

    Get him stung! If he doesn't pay up, CSA it is, he'll feel the pinch once he's married because the new wife's income will be taken into account on his payments too! He can choose which way he wants it.........no CSA, pay regularly, CSA and get whooped!
     
  14. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

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    If it was me i would be on the phone to csa just to be a bitch:D
     
  15. babycham2002

    babycham2002 PetForums VIP

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    this is very good
    do this :001_smile:
     
  16. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    I've not read all the replies but if it was me, I would just go to the CSA
    He is being awkward about it now, so even if he does agree to pay regular, chances are he will go back to being awkward again.
    At least with the CSA if he isn't making the payments they come out his wages.
     
  17. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    Just go to the CSA hun, he is not providing for his children, end of, regardless of he is getting married!!

    Do it hun, i have done it for my ex and he absolutely **** himself so now pays me every month without fail and i have told him he misses 1 payment and i will be going straight back to the CSA.

    xx
     
  18. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

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    Am i right in thinking you get quite a bit from csa?
     
  19. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    You will get a % of his earnings.

    So depends on what he earns. x
     
  20. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

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    Oh right suppose its better for them to arrange payment themselves.
    Id ring the csa and see if you would be better off going through them tho hun before you agree to anything with him.
     
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