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Do I keep her?

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by azouria, May 31, 2019.


  1. azouria

    azouria PetForums Newbie

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    Hello all! It's my first time around here, and I'm in need of some advice.

    I've recently started fostering for a pedigree cat rescue (they deal mostly with persians, ragdolls, maine coons etc), all indoor cats. My intention with this is that it would be nice to help some cats in need, and also to try out a few different breeds, with the view to adopting one permanently at some point.

    Of course, the first cat we have fostered has turned out to be an absolute gem, and I'm in the heartwrenching position of trying to decide if she is 'the one' or not. She's my first proper pet (sadly due to a childhood of allergic parents), and most of the cats I met as a child used to scratch/bite/be quite aloof. With my lack of experience, I'm trying to work out if her personality type is quite rare, and we would have regrets if we gave her up, or if these kind of things are common in these breeds and so could rehome her and continue fostering, knowing that we would find the perfect cat to adopt in the future.

    I love that she doesn't scratch/bite/get her claws out ever, even when scared or uncomfortable. She's not destructive at all, and shows no interest in scratching anything. She's super chatty and will follow you around the house, and comes when called. She absolutely adores any opportunity for a lap snuggle and is really sociable. She's also very pretty (see pic below!)

    Thanks in advance!

    Capture.JPG
     
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  2. Gallifreyangirl

    Gallifreyangirl PetForums VIP

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    I think I would be keen to be a foster failure and keep her especially if you have bonded.
     
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  3. bluecordelia

    bluecordelia Footy

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    Gosh it is a difficult one.

    You may have just dropped on a sweetheart as a lot in foster are upset about upheaval or have had some bad experiences.

    I am sure people who have this breed will advise more on personality etc. If you got a rescue who needed input ie behaviour or health how would you manage?

    Also she will easily get a furever home to a family who may not be ok with a cat with any ‘hang up’s’ .

    Sorry not to have a definitive heart or head answer. Whatever you decide will be right.
     
  4. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    You will feel it in your heart if she’s the one. Choosing a cat unfortunately is not like choosing a pair of shoes lol! You have to make the decision and stick with it as you could go on forever trying to decide but once they’ve gone they’ve gone you won’t get her back. She sounds perfect and is beautiful but you really need to feel the love. Good luck love.
     
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  5. Rufus15

    Rufus15 Banned

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    Oh look at that face! She is so sweet.

    It's difficult to say, she looks a British/Persian type, somewhere between the two and their personalities are very laid back and cuddly.

    On the other hand, she may be extra special and decided you are her human.

    Go with your gut :)
     
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  6. Bertie'sMum

    Bertie'sMum Obedient Cat Slave

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    she is adorable - if it was me I don't think I could let her go !
     
  7. Shrike

    Shrike Brooke's faithful manservant

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    She sounds adorable.
    I'm not sure what you will achieve by giving her up - she's your ideal cat. Is it possible to foster others whilst keeping this one? (Or are you worried you'll just keep every one? ;) )
     
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  8. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    Lol me neither! ❤️
     
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  9. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

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    She's adorable! If you let her go, those eyes will haunt you in your dreams. Actually, she rather looks as tho' she's deciding whether she should adopt you! Being so pretty, my guess is that she would be snapped up quickly, so you need to decide now-ish.
     
  10. azouria

    azouria PetForums Newbie

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    Thanks all for your advice!

    For a little more back story, I suppose the cons of keeping her are twofold. Her history is that she's a stray and was found and kept by a vet nurse for 3 weeks before she got passed onto the rescue. The nurse wanted to keep her but she had quite bad diarrhoea which they were unable to sort out. Since she came to us it does seem to have firmed up quite a bit, and has actually been completely fine this week but we have had the odd mess to clean up. I'm reluctant to take on a lot of permanent additional cleaning as I work full time, but if it has sorted itself or can be controlled with medication then it's not a problem.

    Additionally, I do feel a lot of guilt towards the rescue - it's small and family run, and I know they are struggling for volunteers (and already have another cat lined up for me for when she's rehomed!) I would like to try and keep fostering, but realistically my flat very open plan so would be difficult to keep her and the foster cats separate. I don't know if I am more useful to them if I continue fostering or if I keep her, knowing that she's really settled and we've bonded well with her (she acts like she rules the roost already!)

    It's such a difficult choice, I keep convincing myself of one way and then thinking more about it and going the other GAH
     
  11. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    I can see your point but I would hate to think you would let her go and regret it. Is she already up for adoption?
     
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  12. sandy-cat

    sandy-cat PetForums Senior

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    Firstly I wouldn't feel guilty to the rescue. You would after all be rescuing a cat. These things happen. They happen a lot in fact and a lot of rescues are very used to 'failed fosters'. :)

    My boy Sandy is a failed foster too - and also my first ever foster cat. He's so sweet-natured but like your girl, he has health issues and needs medication and a special diet to control them. You may find that the diarrhoea is manageable with dietery changes alone, and @chillminx on here will, I'm sure, be able to offer you tons of helpful advice on this. If she's not toileting in her litter tray that is also something that can be worked on and will probably improve if her diarrhoea is resolved anyway.

    It does sound like you have a real bond with this gorgeous girl. Let us know what decision you come to :)
     
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  13. Moglets

    Moglets PetForums Junior

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    Well, this is a bit difficult to answer. I am a believer in wanting a cat, as a pet, & adapting myself to the cat's personality. The question is, do you really want all the commitment & expense of a cat? Say for the next 20 years? If you do (& you should think about the possible costs or difficulties of getting a cat looked after if you are away) then this sounds like an ideal cat for you, Also, if you haven't a garden, you will need to find space for indoor exercise equipment & commit more than the usual amount of time to play. Is this even a cat which would adapt to an entirely indoor life as an adult? That is something a vet could advise you on.

    I'm concerned about the condition of the cat. The small rescue you describe does not sound like one where the cats will have been checked over by a vet, immunised, neutered, chipped & so one, which really is an essential stage before re-homing. Vet fees are high! You will have a lot of expenditure. You certainly shouldn't make up your mind about this until you have had a consultation, yourself, with a good local vet about her condition. The fact that she has been unwell & is not cured suggests urgent veterinary attention should be obtained.


     
  14. Joy84

    Joy84 PetForums VIP

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    She's beautiful :Kiss
    And sounds perfect!
    I know what I would do and would be proud to be failure :Hilarious
     
  15. Rufus15

    Rufus15 Banned

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    I'm not sure which part of this I find more puzzling.

    As the OP is an approved foster home for a rescue, I would imagine they've been closely looked at should they become a failed fosterer.

    A vet is certainly not a person I would ever ask about whether a cat is suitable for an indoor life. Vets are, most often, pro outdoors and have little to no knowledge on anything feline beyond basic care needs.

    It's quite a broad assumption to make that the rescue won't chip, vaccinate, neuter, etc., in fact most small rescues neuter and chip whilst the larger ones don't bother.

    Not all illnesses are curable, and treatment is required instead. Why would that be a reason for the OP not to take the cat on, providing they are aware of ongoing expenses?
     
  16. azouria

    azouria PetForums Newbie

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    Yes, she is! It's not confirmed, but they've found a potential adopter who has another cat with bowel issues, so it's good to know that if she does get rehomed she would go somewhere where she wouldn't be rejected for her issues.

    You had all convinced me to keep her, but then she did an explosive poo and walked it all around the house yesterday evening (I jinxed it, it seems) which got me worried again. Would love to be able to take her on despite these issues but I think I would struggle if it were permanent and we have her for the next 20 years (the cleaning rather than the cost!)


    This seems a little presumptuous? To put your mind at rest, the question is not 'whether we want a cat', but when we want a cat. Finances and commitment are of no issue, and I wouldn't even be entertaining the idea if I had not already investigated arrangements for when we go away. Believe me, this is not a decision I take on lightly! As a side note, all cats from this rescue are rehomed as indoor only/access to a secure garden only due to the fact they specialise in pedigrees, which suit being indoor only and have often never been outside. I don't want to discuss the merits of indoor vs outdoor, but would never try and force a cat that was used to going out to be indoor - unnecessarily cruel.

    As for the rescue, to put your mind at rest, they do in fact chip, neuter, spay, vaccinate and do dentals before rehoming - often at a cost far exceeding the adoption fee! And she is currently receiving veterinary attention regarding her health issues, so all is well.

    Thanks for your advice, this is really helpful! Good to know that her condition should be manageable.
     
  17. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

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    I can understand that you might; but it must happen a lot that people fall in love with a cat they are fostering and then decide they want to offer a permanent home. When I was fostering, I let one go, rather against my better judgement, and I ended up going to collect her and bring her back (they could not catch her) when she didn't settle in her new home (lived behind their telly for three or four months). She did not get on with them or the resident cat. But 'your' girl sounds as tho' she is very easy-going (Jezobel wasn't). Has the 'potential adopter' been to see her yet?
     
    #17 Calvine, Jun 1, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2019
  18. tyg'smum

    tyg'smum PetForums Senior

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    Oh, that little face... I rather think she's decided that you are the One...

    Seriously, Exploding Bum Syndrome isn't something everyone can deal with - you have my sympathies (been there, got the T shirt...) - I'd be concerned as to whether the potential adopter knows this is an issue, at least in the short term, and can cope with it.

    Mr T is sitting on my shoulder and complaining about my going soppy over pictures of Other Cats...
     
  19. spotty cats

    spotty cats PetForums VIP

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    Had she had tests run on the diarrhoea? Specifically Tritrichomonas foetus which isn’t always run with a standard fecal panel
     
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  20. ewelsh

    ewelsh PetForums VIP

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    Oh she is soooo pretty, she obviously feels happy to follow you around and chat to you!
    What a little sweet heart.

    I hope you do what is right for you both
     
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