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Dear Diary

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Anele Jessica, Dec 1, 2007.


  1. Dear Diary,


    For my 60th birthday this year, my daughter Cheryl (the dear) purchased a
    week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still
    in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I
    decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.


    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
    Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model
    for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my
    enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my
    progress.



    MONDAY:

    Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
    worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me.
    She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a
    dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines.
    I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics
    class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my
    sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole
    time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

    TUESDAY:
    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda
    made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put
    weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the
    full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!!
    It's a whole new life for me.


    WEDNESDAY:
    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
    and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in
    both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I
    parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

    Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
    club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
    she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt
    when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair 'monster'. Why
    the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
    obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
    She said some other nonsense too.


    THURSDAY:
    Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
    cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an
    hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out
    with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She
    sent another skinny gal to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the
    rowing machine - which I sank.


    FRIDAY:
    I hate that Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human
    being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little
    cheerleader! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable
    pain, I would beat her with it.

    Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if
    you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the bloomin' barbells or
    anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed
    on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer,
    like the drama coach or the choir director?


    SATURDAY:
    Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice
    wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to
    smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the
    TV remote and ended up catching 11 straight hours of the Weather Channel.


    SUNDAY:
    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
    thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter
    Cheryl (the little snot) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root
    canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would
    have sprinkled the floor with DIAMONDS!!! dewsperation
     
  2. BredaKim

    BredaKim PetForums Member

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    Seen this before Elena...bloody brilliant!! :D
     
  3. those things do going around and around - one never know....
     
  4. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    very good Elena,:):):)
     
  5. TA! Have you seen that thread starting with "Young man?"
     
  6. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    verry good
     
  7. Hello! Where have you been?
     
  8. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    sons Ill keep having to rush off and see to him, he has gone to sleep now so have some peace for 5
     
  9. Ohhh poor boy....is he getting any better? Give him my regards.....
     
  10. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    yes a bit better thanks, still not great though.

    my pc is running slow, going to reset it back in a bit:D
     
  11. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    i cant remember, i will go look at it now,
    vixenelite i hope your little lad gets better soon, i was up with my two last night, non stop coughing, feling tired today
     
  12. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    sorry to hear that hpoe they are feeling better soon.
    SLEEP sounds so good right now:)
     
  13. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    yeah it does, but i know they will be coughing again tonight, so no sleep for me, i think,:(
     
  14. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    doing anything fun today?
     
  15. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    no, i have been out with the dogs, cleaned out the rabbit, and now i am bored stiff :mad::mad:
     
  16. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    me too(board I mean)
    son asleep at the mo rest of them down grandparents so dont know what to do with myself:confused:
     
  17. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    same here, boring boring boring, its raining and windy at the moment, shame we dont live nearer, could of popped in for a chat,:):)
     
  18. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    would have been good to see you, weather really bad here too, rain, wind and very very cold brrrrrrrrrrr, need hot chocolate, hot water bottle and a nice warm quilt to snuggle under.:D:D
     
  19. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    yeah and maybe one of them dish of the day blokes,:):)
     
  20. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    oh yes Ill have an order of one of those too please:D
     
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