Dating sites - a weird world to be in......

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Mirandashell, Jan 22, 2018.


  1. grumpy goby

    grumpy goby Grumpy wench.

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    Haha I had one of these

    He said he was still living at home in the spare room “for the kids” so I couldn’t be seen with him anywhere near his house or home town.... she knew he was dating but it was still all smoke and daggers. (Yes... of course you are getting divorced... was I born yesterday?)

    When I said I didn’t want to se him again (that plus a +ten yr age discrepancy) he went psycho aggressive and bombarded my phone and email with threats and insults.

    Winning at life buddy, way to convince a girl you are worth a shot :rolleyes:
     
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  2. KittenEevee

    KittenEevee Crazy Cat Lady

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    I know I wrote a negative post but I think I've commented elsewhere as well that I met my other half on plenty of fish. We have been together 7 years. We are engaged,live together, and own a cat together.
    So sometimes it does work out :)
     
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  3. Boxerluver30

    Boxerluver30 Hound Lover

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    Oh I hope no one got the impression from my first post that I think they are full of weirdos, I don't. Just that I think all the weirdos on them would be attracted to me (and not the good kind of weird either!). I honestly wasn't trying to put anyone off either. Just not my cup of tea is all.

    @LinznMilly I get like that with social interactions having social anxiety. Some days I absolutely dread having to talk to/interact with people and it's a constant worry for me in the back of my mind how to interact, what to say etc. I am a lot better nowadays though and am willing to do meet ups for example
     
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  4. Sairy

    Sairy PetForums VIP

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    I completely get where you're coming from and this is ideally how I would have liked to have met someone. However, having gone through uni, met lots of people and not found anyone remotely suitable (and I am a musician too so also met lots of other musicians) I decided to try dating sites. I think it's even harder when you're looking for a partner of the same sex in the real world. I found that the majority of women I was interested in ended up being straight and if I wasn't sure then I was worried about completely humiliating myself.

    I did have to wade through a fair few weirdos, and yes there are people who lie about who they are, but there were also plenty of people who were like me and just hadn't managed to find anyone yet. In total I met up with 6 people from the internet, all meetings in public places. The first three were guys (this was actually in my younger days when I was still considering men). All three were nice guys, but I was just not interested. The next three were all women and I ended up having relationships with all three (not at the same time lol). The third one ended up being my soul mate :)
     
  5. kittih

    kittih PetForums VIP

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    Very well put. :) As I have got older I have developed a few coping strategies for real world situations. I tend to put on my virtual work hat as I learnt a variety of strategies at work to deal with things. As work wasn't generally being social, we were just to busy for that I was generally OK though network events and conferences are very hard work.

    Some days a short amount of stranger interaction is fine (as long as I haven't used up my emotional social energy elsewhere) but other days I have run out if juice and just have to stay in my lovely peaceful home (though having a needy cat can add to the stress sometimes).

    Very close friends are also fine in pre arranged finite amounts (different friends use my energy to different degrees). Large energy using friends need a few days of solitude to recover from. :)

    I totally get where you are coming from :)

    This website explains introverts quite well...

    https://introvertspring.com/what-is-an-introvert/
     
    #45 kittih, Jan 23, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2018
  6. ouesi

    ouesi Guest

    I'm a classic introvert if all those personality tests thingies are true. I recharge with solitude and being around people takes a good bit out of me. But then I also don't like labels for a dynamic creature like your average human, so my version of being an introvert will vary day to day and of course vary from other introverts.

    You've gone a step further than me. I've never joined a gym nor would I. That sounds like hell on earth to me. I hate work-out equipment and the noise/smell of a gym and of course the being inside around people thing. But I'm very excited for you and I also know how good it is for us to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone, so I'm happy for you and think that's a very positive step forward :)

    Again, not knocking dating websites. But for anyone who is looking for someone special or that human connection who can't see themselves using an online site, there are plenty of other valid options too.
     
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  7. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    I'm not so much introverted as lacking in energy. Like Kittih, I've only got a certain amount to do all the things I need to do so it has to be rationed. Add that to not much money and it's nigh on impossible for me to do group activites or gym or anything like that.

    Plus the fact that other people on here had found their soul mates encouraged me. But after last night I'm just going to ignore the negative, passive - aggressive stuff. Not worth wasting precious energy on.
     
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  8. CuddleMonster

    CuddleMonster PetForums VIP

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    I hope you didn't think I was being negative? I know some people who have met their life partners via dating sites. It's just that having also known a couple of people who were completely taken in by plausible still-marrieds, I want to make sure no one else does!
     
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  9. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    No, not at all. I appreciated the warning. I'm being very careful with the info I give out and I'm listening to my instincts. Especially my horse-apples detector. Having been a barmaid in my youth, it's finely tuned! :D
     
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  10. ShibaPup

    ShibaPup PetForums Senior

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    Good luck! Something I've been considering, simply to meet new people but the idea of putting myself out there absolutely scares me.

    Work long shifts - don't get out to socialise, chances of meeting someone are pretty slim. Working at the same place your ex does, doesn't help much either.

    I tried volunteer groups, there aren't many for my area and it was all retired folk - nothing against those, they're lovely and I love hearing their life experience but not the place I'm going to find someone around my age :Hilarious
     
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  11. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    I found a similar thing. And mostly women as well, which doesn't help when you're looking for a man.
     
  12. Sairy

    Sairy PetForums VIP

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    Believe me, it doesn't usually help much it you're a woman looking for a woman either if they're all straight ;)
     
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  13. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Submissive Servant to My Lord and Lady Mutts
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    I've never thought I was socially anxious until I wrote that post, but perhaps I am, as well as being introverted. I get a quick stab of dread when I see someone I know, and know that they've spotted me - always an "oh, no" moment, followed by my mind going "quick - find somewhere to hide", usually followed by a (hopefully brief) conversation that is nowhere near as bad as I feared, but leading to an hour of self reflection and self analysis.

    @kittih - great link!! So true. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who gets grouchy when mentally/emotionally/socially exhausted. A classic sign that my batteries are drained, is that I become passive aggressive, although I'm learning to bite my tongue and simply retreat mentally into a book or a game on my tablet.

    I haven't joined yet. ;) :D No money or membership cards have changed hands and if SIL pulls out, chances are, I won't be going, or if I do, I won't stick to it. And, as I said, I'll be taking refuge in the form of my MP3 player. :D I'm just a total novice when it comes to exercise, I don't know what I'm doing, and don't know where to begin (although, since both of my dogs are on lead for their entire walks now, I've started incorporating mini exercises such as running on the spot while they're busy checking their peemail or leaving a reply :p ) so I'm thinking structured exercises might help me get started, if nothing else.
     
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  14. ouesi

    ouesi Guest

    I do think it's a good idea, for exactly those reasons.
    When I first started doing yoga, I took classes for about a year and I found it really helpful to have an instructor guide me personally. That yoga studio shut down or I would probably still go from time to time. It was small and low-key which suited me.
    Now that I know what I'm doing though, I find it much easier to just throw down the yoga mat whenever I have a few moments, which might not coincide to when there is a class available. And of course my all-time favorite place to yoga is down by the stream :)
     
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  15. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    True!
     
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  16. Biffo

    Biffo PetForums Senior

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    A friend of mine met their partner on an internet dating site. I think it's a positive thing for sure, and at least you're doing the weeding out the weirdos from the comfort of your own house.
     
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  17. PickleRoo

    PickleRoo PetForums Junior

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    I met my boyfriend outside a skinhead gig - he had come out for a fag, I was heading to another gig at the club at the end of the road.

    He caught my eye and my friend noticed so decided to drop me in it and said very innocently, "Can I have your number please? It's not for me, it's for my friend" and pointed in my direction.

    We swapped numbers, text for a day, arranging to meet up on the Thursday. We had a couple drinks and he offered to cook me a 3 course dinner of my choice on the Saturday. I would never have guessed the stereotypical skinhead could put together such an excellent prawn cocktail and lasagne (forget what was for pudding )! After that Saturday we were never apart, it's been nearly a year now :)
     
  18. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    Ahhh! You can meet your soulmate anywhere. Friend of mine met hers cleaning out a local canal 30 years ago.
     
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  19. PickleRoo

    PickleRoo PetForums Junior

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    It's luck - I was with my ex 4/5years and met him online!
     
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  20. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    I met mine at Summer School!
     
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