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Coping with a death of a pet dog

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Michelle doggy mummy, Oct 12, 2019 at 5:04 PM.


  1. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    I am struggling to cope with the loss of my baby belle, she died on Thursday 10th October 19 she was 11 yrs old. Belle had lung cancer and it had spread to the brain which led to her being unsteady on her feet the vet seem to think she maybe had a fit before. Belle had a fir at 4am on the Thursday morning it was horrific I thought she was going to die there and then. We called the vet and they came out to put her to sleep as she said the fits will get worse and she may not come out of one. The thing is before the vet came belle was happy still unsteady on her feet but loved cuddling and the attention. I feel so guilty making that decision I miss her so much I can't eat sleep or function properly. Please help
     

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  2. 3dogs2cats

    3dogs2cats PetForums VIP

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    I am so sorry for your loss, it is never easy losing them no matter how many times we go through it. Feelings of guilt, confusion, wondering if something more could have been done are all normal with grief. It does get better you will gradually start to remember her with smiles rather than tears although of course tears still come at times but that is ok. Blue cross offer a bereavement service that you might find useful.
    Take care of yourself.
     
  3. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

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    Hello and i am sorry to hear of your loss. What you are feeling is very normal, you are still in shock so not wanting to eat, not sleeping, not thinking straight and feeling absolutely wretched right into the very pit of your stomach are all symptoms of that.

    It is really difficult to bear in these early days, but bear it you will and you will come out the other side of this.

    Why our brains put us through this awful grief process is beyond me, but all the time you are moving through your grief, your mind is healing just a little bit. Its like your brain does a clever thing where it re jiggles everything so that you can move on. But until it does its re jiggling, you have to live through the darkest of times.

    Talking helps. Telling your story over and over to anyone that will listen.

    Remembering good times helps.

    And knowing that these horrible feelings arent forever definitely helps.

    Remember that Belle is at peace and had happy times right to the very end. And that you were there for her right at the end. That is the kindest thing we can do for our old dogs.

    As these days and early weeks pass, your burden of guilt will ease and you will feel much lighter and happier.

    Tagging @Boxer123 as i believe she used the bereavement service mentioned above.

    Hugs to you xxx
     
  4. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

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    Please don't beat yourself up, it's so hard when we say good-bye to our beloved pets, I know how you feel, we said Good-bye to our lovely boy Dillon in February, we still find it hard without him, he had Chronic bronchitis and lost battle with it. I'll never forget how I felt when the vet came to our house to him PTS and then took him away. It does get easier or should I say, you learn to live with it.

    We have a solar light in the garden near to his favorite place where his ashes are, so at night he still shines in our life, I talk him everyday.
     
  5. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    So sorry for you loss what a beautiful girl. I think we all recognise those feelings of guilt it's normal. You did the best thing for your best friend. As @tabelmabel said I used the Blue Cross counselling service I emailed rather than called for several months after I lost my boxer girl lily. People on here told me it would get easier I didn't believe them but it does. Slowly you start smiling again you remember the good times. Keep talking on here it helped me to talk about lily and post pictures.
     
  6. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you I will have a look at blue Cross website, I'm hoping this site will help me through this horrible time.
     
  7. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you for your kind words, I'm feeling so empty, I have another dog she is 18 months I feel guilty when I fuss her because belle isnt getting fuss. My husband is worried I will detach myself from her. I probably am at the moment but I'm now worrying about her.

    My daughter brought me a cuddly cocker spaniel which I talk to as if it's Belle, I want to hear her name in the home I don't ever want to forget her xx
     
  8. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you for your reply, Belle was also blind. She deteriorated within 72 hrs I feel I didn't have enough time to say goodbye to her xx
     
  9. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    I keep remembering her being scared of the vet and her fit, I need to get that out of my head because it's breaking my heart even more. Xx
     
  10. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    I know how you feel I'm almost a year on and still find it difficult to accept. My girl collapsed at the vets and they took her away from me to try and help but she died with strangers and I hate that.

    I try and remember how loved she was every day. Slowly these horrible memories are replaced with funny ones about her life. Hopefully the same will happen for you to.
     
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  11. Philip230656

    Philip230656 PetForums Junior

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    I know what you are going through, I keep reliving having my shih tzu Bailey pts, the vet just said he is very poorly multiple organ failure, (Bailey was 14 yes old had not eaten for 3 days and constantly panting, not sleeping) I said you must be able to do something? But he just shook his head, so I had no choice, could not believe it when it happened, Bailey my boy just laid there limp. But not suffering, it is hard but I still feel guilty you sort of learn to live through it. Take care.
     
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  12. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    That's so sad, sending you love, this forum is helping me, thank you for taking the time to try and ease my pain xx
     
  13. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    I just can't get my head round me never seeing her beautiful face again. I wanted more time with her but was so scared of her fitting again, so sorry to hear of your loss. Has this site helped?
     
  14. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    Feelings of guilt are normal in grief, as has been said before, but please don't feel guilty for giving your young dog affection. She needs you - and you need her. Belle is waiting for you on the other side of Rainbow Bridge. She feels no pain, but also, no jealousy that you younger dog is getting your attention and affection. She knows the time will come when you'll all be reunited and she'll once again get fuss and affection from you. ;)

    You won't forget Belle. Be kind to yourself.

    RIP Belle.
     
  15. Linda Weasel

    Linda Weasel PetForums VIP

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    Everybody else has said it all, but please remember that your young dog will be missing Belle too, and needs you.
     
  16. margy

    margy PetForums VIP

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    My heart goes out to you as my old girl Suzie had to be pts the Thurs before and yes it is so hard, I picked her ashes up today and everything came flooding back. I feel like there's a stone in the pit of my stomach. We are grieving for our loss. I know it will get better but at the moment it is hard. Your old girl looks lovely,try to remember her in happier times. Come and talk on here as much as you want there's brilliant support here x
     
  17. Michelle doggy mummy

    Michelle doggy mummy PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you it's been really good to talk on here, love to you at this difficult time. We should get Belle's ashes back next week I'm not going to lie I'm dreading that but then I can't wait till she's home. My heads all over the place as you will understand x
     
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  18. margy

    margy PetForums VIP

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    Yes I do. Funnily enough my other dog is called Belle, she is 14 and is keeping us going, caring for her is helping us as she still needs us as your young dog needs you.
     
  19. Dogloverlou

    Dogloverlou PetForums VIP

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my beautiful old girl in September and everything everyone has said here resonates with me. Missy is the first pet of mine I've had to make that decision for and whilst I'm slowly getting to grips with the fact I did the right thing I've had all the other feelings - the guilt ( could we have caught something earlier ) the sorrow, the raw breaking down of not having her in the family. My little pack feels broken. Just like you I can't believe I will never see her beautiful face again, or see that expression and sparkle in her eyes. I have to take my older boy to the vets in the next few weeks for a general check up and all I picture is one of the last times I was there with Missy, sat bundled in my lap. I can still feel the shape and weight of her in that moment. I think it will be very triggering to go back.

    It does help being some comfort I find to know we gave them good, much loved, long lives. Some people are not fortunate enough to experience that with their own dogs and lose them far to early which in a lot of ways makes it even worse. I feel privileged to have been able to share nearly 17 years with my girl. Please feel rest assured you did everything you could xx
     
  20. Bugsys grandma

    Bugsys grandma PetForums VIP

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    I am so sorry you're going through this. it is always, without a doubt, the very worst of times when we lose our beloved dogs.
    As others have said, many of us on the forum have lost dogs, some of us have lost many dogs over the years, and with each one it feels as though things will never get better, we will never be happy again, we will always be suffering with the feelings of guilt and terrible gut wrenching sadness, that we won't get through this.
    But here we all are, we have survived, we are living normal lives again, we can laugh and enjoy life and feel as much love for the animals we still have as we felt for the ones we've said goodbye to.

    It will take time, but trust me you will come through this.

    Your young dog really needs you now, she has suffered a loss too. Don't feel guilty about giving her affection, Belle had 11 years of love and affection, she would want you to be giving this other dog, who was her friend, the same amount of love you gave her, she certainly won't be jealous.
    You can help each other at this time.

    Your beautiful girl Belle was one of the lucky ones, she clearly had a life full of love, was very well cared for and you did absolutely right by her at the end. You ended her suffering even knowing that yours was just about to begin.
    You absolutely did the right thing, I know you're questioning that now but, trust me, it was the right thing to do, the kindest and most responsible thing. We owe it to these amazing creatures we share our lives with, to do the right thing when the time comes. It is the last kindness we can show them.

    Do come on here as often as you feel you need to, talk about Belle, about how you're feeling, anything you want, it really does help to talk.
    And definitely take a look at the Blue cross bereavement service, they helped me no end when I lost Bugsy a few years ago and I know they've helped others on here too.

    Wishing you all the best.
     
    niamh123 and margy like this.
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