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Confused

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by tinaK, Aug 30, 2013.


  1. tinaK

    tinaK PetForums VIP

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    Before I start I want to say this is going to be hard and confusing for me to write.I also want to say I love Clover so very much. She's my world.

    A friend made a comment the other day that I love Daisy more than Clover. She was only joking, but it touched a nerve :(

    She said I fuss Daisy, but not really Clover, and yes there's truth in that too. Only cos Daisy wants to be fussed and stuff, and Clover doesn't.

    And yes sometimes I do wish Clover was more laid back, more confident... more like Daisy. But she's Clover and I love her for her :)

    But what if Clover isn't feeling loved and secure? And yes I know I'm putting human emotions on her.

    I've made more of an effort to make Clover time over the last couple of days.

    Going to stop now, as I'm crying. sorry prob makes no sense :(
     
  2. shirleystarr

    shirleystarr PetForums VIP

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    I would not worry I am sure both your girls know you love them just the same
    One wants fuss the other does not so stop worrying
     
  3. AdMed

    AdMed PetForums Member

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    Do you know what...from some of what you've said on here I would have suggested the opposite! It just goes to show that perception is only one dimension :D

    Personally I think Clover is your world, you love her to bits, and do anything to make her comfortable. Daisy is your cheeky little monkey, that you adore and makes you laugh. Like children they're just different personalities, you don't love one more than the other, they just need different things from you, which you provide.
     
    Pointermum, Mulish and Fleur like this.
  4. bearcub

    bearcub PetForums VIP

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    Some dogs aren't always that needy of a fuss though, Florence doesn't constantly want cuddles from me so I leave her to it, Freya on the other hand loves nothing more than to sit on my lap :)

    Don't be sad about it, I'm more than 100% sure that Clover doesn't feel unloved, and the whole of pf loves her too :)
     
  5. Quinzell

    Quinzell PetForums VIP

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    You know, I often feel exactly the same about Harvey and Bruno. I know that I probably fuss about Harvey so much more than I do about Bruno but I know that I love them both as much. Harvey is very special to me because of all his health problems and I feel he needs more nurturing that Bruno.

    People can be very cruel and careless with their comments. Can you imagine saying that to someone talking about their children (which of course, Clover and Daisy are to you; just like Harvey and Bruno to me)!
     
  6. tinaK

    tinaK PetForums VIP

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    Thanks all. I feel sad sometimes cos on walks everyone makes a fuss of Daisy.. cos she's there.. in your face lol.. where as Clover stands there.

    It's easy to love Daisy she's sociable and friendly and loves everyone Clover is more reserved and doesn't ask for stuff.. and I do wonder if I've left her out.

    We don't sit on the settee anymore like we used to, or stuff like that. .
     
  7. Lilylass

    Lilylass PetForums VIP

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    Ohhhh hun ...... give yourself a big (((hug))) - of course you love them both .... they just have their own individual personalities and like different things

    I could ay the same about Mia and Archie - Mia is a total lap cat, comes and sits on my knee in the evenings and loves being picked up and cuddled ... so I do it.

    Archie absolutely HATES being picked up, I can't remember the last time (if ever!) he sat on my knee - and I really only see him (apart from the odd visit for food or if the weather's awful) when I go upstairs to bed

    Him & Mia had one of their really bad fights last week :( so he's currently sleeping in the spare room :mad: so I'm seeing even less of him than normal (although he did sneak on the bed for "mummy cuddles" around 3am this morning ;))

    Mia is a pain in the butt (typical bad tempered - but loveable! - tortie) AND when she's having one of her errrr difficult days and is attacking me / Archie for absolutely no reason - she's not my favourite person at all!

    Archie is so laid back he's soooooo much easier .....

    but it doesn't mean I love either of them more / less HTH
     
  8. sezeelson

    sezeelson PetForums VIP

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    Please don't let her comment get to you, it is completely untrue!

    It could easily be argued that I love Rossi more then raven, I mean I talk about him all the time and spend much more time training him etc. but when it comes down to it I love them both the same! It would tear me apart if I was ever forced to choose between them. I'm always sneaking raven extra bits of food and give her a cheeky biscuit when Rossi isn't looking!! They are very different dogs and enjoy completely different things!

    All dogs are different and it would be impossible to treat all dogs the same!! A bit of extra fuss does not in any way mean that dog is more loved, not at all! Some dogs are very touchy feeley where as others would much prefer to curl up at your feet :)

    I hope you feel better soon!
     
  9. tinaK

    tinaK PetForums VIP

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    Clover is very special to me..she gave me my life back :)
     
  10. Fleur

    Fleur Vassal to Lilly and Ludo

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    I believe I love my dogs all the same and I treat them equally - but I treat them as individuals :)
    If I didn't take the time to look after them to suit their individual needs then I would be doing them a disservice.
    I love all my children - but they are different people with different needs, if I was to 'fuss' over my youngest it would result in the biggest row imanginable but my oldest loves a good 'fuss' ;)
     
  11. Firedog

    Firedog PetForums VIP

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    I just think all dogs are different and it is nothing too worry about. One of mine likes too be fussed so much she is on the point of neediness and it drives me to distraction when I'm at dog training and she would rather be fussed than listen to what I say.
    The others just like a quick stroke and go about their business.
     
  12. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Administrator
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    Please don't let that unhelpful comment upset you, it's obviously provoked a guilt trip that you don't need at all. !! It's so clear how much you love both your dogs , I love reading about them , they sound such characters. It's perfectly OK to love them differently, doesn't mean any more or less.
    My mum once remarked that I loved my son more than my daughter, but he was an easier going child , much less demanding, but I certainly didn't love my little girl any less. She was certainly a challenge though !!!
     
  13. tinaK

    tinaK PetForums VIP

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    oh no, please don't think my friend guilt tripped me.. she didn't. She just touched on things I was already feeling. Like do I love Daisy more, etc.
    But I've realized I don't, I just love them differently :) It touches into my stuff about not been loved , and yes I know she's a dog, I just don't want Cover feeling like I did
     
  14. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Administrator
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    I came to the conclusion a few days ago that dogs are a lot more straight forward than we are . We recently left Tango with a friend for a week, I spent the week thinking she was missing me , she's such a velcro dog, but no, she was perfectly happy ! As long as they are loved, and they know it, that's enough for them. Lke children some dogs are just cuddlier than others !!
    Sorry, Ididn't mean to imply that your friend had guilt tripped you .
     
  15. tinaK

    tinaK PetForums VIP

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    You know when you mentioned about your kids and what your mum said? Well it's like that with Clover and Daisy,, and you've made me see it.

    Daisy's so easy going and pretty bomb proof. Can take her anywhere, and she's OK. She's easy to be around.

    Clover's nervous and barky, and generally clingy. Yes she is harder work, but I love her. Just wish it was easier sometime
     
  16. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Administrator
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    A saying I've always found great comfort from - there's no such thing as 'the perfect mum' - just good enough is fine !! As you probably know , Tango is my first dog and I HAVE been trying to be the perfect owner, as I tried to be the perfect mother. But the kids have turned out great and Tango's responded so well to the love and care she's had since we got her in January , so I think I MIGHT be doing something right !!
    It sounds to me that you're a fabulous owner, you love both those dogs with all your heart and are so sensitive to their needs ! You need to be kind to yourself too ( hugs )
     
  17. tinaK

    tinaK PetForums VIP

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    It boils down to the fact I'm scared of hurting either of them, of not been good enough, of making them sad.

    I need to separate my emotions from the dogs. I just want them to feel safe, loved and secure.
     
  18. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Administrator
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    I think you can be sure of that !
     
  19. ozrex

    ozrex PetForums VIP

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    They are, Cloversmum, THEY ARE!
     
  20. Pupcakes

    Pupcakes Lady of The Terrors.

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    Oh bloody hell! I get this all the time, even just 10minutes ago my sister has some work mates around and a guy asked "come on which is your favourite? Really?" I said I love them both the same but they have different personalities and querks!

    Charlie LOVES fuss and is a confident lad, so he can come down town with me and to the pub, where as Dottie can't as she's a very nervous/fearful dog. Some people take it as I love Charlie more because I take him more places but that's not true. I stroke him more as he LIVES for fuss and nudges your hand for more! Dottie is more a leave me alone dog, I'll come to you in my own time.

    People always say to me "yeah but you love Charlie more cause he's easier..."

    It pees me off so much as I love them equally and people just jump to untrue conclusions!

    Tell your friend to go suck on a lemon!

    You from the sounds of it, like me, love your dogs equally (and loads!) but show it to each one in different ways!

    I still need to arrange to come up with Charlie and meet the girls :p

    xxx
     
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