[vickie1985]

Hi all, just looking for a bit of support i think here....

my dad had his prostate removed due to cancer in late Febuary. I was cutting his hair the other day and he was talking to me a little (im the baby of the family they dont tell me anything) he was saying the op was more complicated than they thought, and they have to start chemo or radio.

Does that mean they didnt get it all? or its spread?
my dad is confused too.....he was 70 in March and im scared they wont do anything for him now.
Im 24, and i know it happens etc, but im so confused as he cant explain it to me.

Should i ask if i can go to the hospital with him and ask for words with the drs there? or should i ride it out?? i want to know whats happening, but then part of me is scared of knowing.

what shall i do?? :crying:

 

[LouJ69]

If it was me, I would probably wanna go with him to the hospital. It would be nice for him to have a bit of support, but it's always good to have someone with you in that kinda situstion coz sometimes it's hard to absorb everything that the docs are telling you & sometimes you forget. The fact that they might be doing chemo or radio could just mean that they didn't remove it all, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative thing. I reckon you should stay positive & ask him if you can go with him, I reckon he'd be pleased that you care enough to wanna support him, even though he might not show it!!

 

[Guest]

Hello. Sometimes chemotherapy and radiotherapy is used to make sure everything has gone. Even when they know it has. Hope that help's . Mac

 

[Guest]

Hello. Sometimes chemotherapy and radiotherapy is used to make sure everything has gone. Even when they know it has. Hope that help's . Mac

I agree, if you are worried ask if you can go with your dad next time then you can hear it for yourself.

 

[vickie1985]

Thanks Lou, im not sure how much my mum has been with him, but he is very secretive and likes to do things alone, he doesnt tell us much at all, but when someone he knows dies he wont tell us who but he always has his best shirt and black tie on. We all know, but he just wont say he makes it very difficult.
I visited him in hospital after his op and gave him a sandwich and he told me he didnt want it lol i was gutted but i laughed lol.
we arnt a close family, and i dont remember ever giving my dad a kiss or a hug, or my mam. in some ways i think that makes it harder as my partners family is very close. I dont feel i can show my emotions to my family.

 

[vickie1985]

Hello. Sometimes chemotherapy and radiotherapy is used to make sure everything has gone. Even when they know it has. Hope that help's . Mac

Thank you, you have just made me cry with relief!! as after the op they did say it looked good.

 

[JoWDC]

Sorry to hear your Dad is going through this. Don't worry about them not doing anything because of his age - my Grandad had treatment for prostate cancer (i think) when he was around 75 (although i can't really remember all the details).

Why don't you suggest going back to the doctor's with your Dad so that they can explain it to you both - it may help your Dad if he's a bit confused by it all.

 

[LouJ69]

Your dad probably feels the same way. I know my dad is the kind of dad who feels that he has to be "the man of the house" i.e. never cry, keep everything to yourself etc, but sometimes even superman needs a friend! Have you talked to your mam about it?

 

[HighlandQuine]

Hi,

I would go to the hospital with him as well. Whether he admits it or not (and Dad's can be stubborn!) he'll be more grateful than you can imagine that you want to be there with him. I find it helps if you write down all the things you want to ask and don't be afraid to pull out a piece of paper with a list on it, I've done it before, doctors are used to it, it's no biggie for them.

I know sometimes we think it's easier not to know things, especially if you're worried aout it, but I always think that the worst bit of anything is not knowing, no matter how awful things are not knowing is worse. Once we know what we're dealing with people are usually pretty good at dealing with whatever it is.

Think positively, and I wish you and your Dad all the very best. Let us know how you get on. xx

 

[ad_1980]

Thanks Lou, im not sure how much my mum has been with him, but he is very secretive and likes to do things alone, he doesnt tell us much at all, but when someone he knows dies he wont tell us who but he always has his best shirt and black tie on. We all know, but he just wont say he makes it very difficult.
I visited him in hospital after his op and gave him a sandwich and he told me he didnt want it lol i was gutted but i laughed lol.
we arnt a close family, and i dont remember ever giving my dad a kiss or a hug, or my mam. in some ways i think that makes it harder as my partners family is very close. I dont feel i can show my emotions to my family.

I'm the same. I don't think we're a close family either - my family that is.

 

[Guest]

my friends dad had prostate cancer and had his removed and was fine that was 10 years ago and hes still going strong.. but my dad had cancer of the pancreas and it took them so long to find out what was wrong that when they did it was to late and he died at the age of 59

 

[Guest]

It would be good to go with your dad, when my mum was ill if you didnt go with her to hospital she wouldnt remember all she was told it was to much to take in

 

[vickie1985]

theres only him and my mam that lives at home now, so god knows how they live lol my mum is very harsh and says things like "oh drop dead" and i hate it if i hear it....god knows how mu dad must feel, i always tell her off, but obviously she doesnt care what i say.

i will ask him if i can go to hospital with him and i will write a list, i will be sure to let you know how we go even if i dont go

my dad is over the moon at the min, as i gave him a kitten for fathers day, but i gave 'Arnie' to him yesterday so i can scatter the leaving.
it helps that i know hes happy with the kitty

 

[sequeena]

Oh hun Ask the doctors, they'll tell you everything you need to know x

 

[Tigerneko]

we arnt a close family, and i dont remember ever giving my dad a kiss or a hug, or my mam. in some ways i think that makes it harder as my partners family is very close. I dont feel i can show my emotions to my family.

Me and my parents are the same, we barely even speak in the house... and I don't remember the last time I hugged either of them, it kinda makes me feel awkward thinking about hugging them :huh:

I hope everything works out with your dad xx

 

[vickie1985]

Me and my parents are the same, we barely even speak in the house... and I don't remember the last time I hugged either of them, it kinda makes me feel awkward thinking about hugging them :huh:

I hope everything works out with your dad xx

thats the same here, but i dont have any problem hugging my OH's family. it doesnt seem right to me though, when i have kiddies they will have constant kisses and cuddles and know that they are never too old for a kiss and a cuddle too. I cant bare the thought of them feeling like i do now. its so awkward

 

[piggybaker]

OH Vicky,, My mum and dad are just the same,, same aga as well, anyway, Dad had this problem last year, he had issues with his prostate and had to have it removed, he had other issues with his bladder as well, he couldn't wee, and his bladder extended when he went to the docs they drained him and got 6ltrs out og him, he now has to put in tube to drain himself three times a day as his bladder muscles are shot to pieces,,

sorry back to the prostate, it was enlarged and knobbly, so they took it out, and said they thought they would have to give him some chemo,

Getting this info out of dad was like trying to get blood from a stone, but he broke down eventually and told mum who told us,,

keep your chin up hun the oldies can be very hard work when they get older,

Dad is fine now, back to his old Victor Meldrew self!!!! don't ya love parents

 

[vickie1985]

OH Vicky,, My mum and dad are just the same,, same aga as well, anyway, Dad had this problem last year, he had issues with his prostate and had to have it removed, he had other issues with his bladder as well, he couldn't wee, and his bladder extended when he went to the docs they drained him and got 6ltrs out og him, he now has to put in tube to drain himself three times a day as his bladder muscles are shot to pieces,,

sorry back to the prostate, it was enlarged and knobbly, so they took it out, and said they thought they would have to give him some chemo,

Getting this info out of dad was like trying to get blood from a stone, but he broke down eventually and told mum who told us,,

keep your chin up hun the oldies can be very hard work when they get older,

Dad is fine now, back to his old Victor Meldrew self!!!! don't ya love parents

lol they are terriable, you cant feel any love between them, although when dad was in hospital the change in mam was huge, she was really worried. (they care really)

 

[owieprone]

About radiotherapy for prostate cancer: Cancer Research UK: CancerHelp UK

see if that info helps you at all. I think you should talk to your parents and tell them you're concerned and being told a bit about what's going on would help. It's not fair that someone of yoru age is being kept in the dark about something that affects you too.

 

[Debi]

my family don't show emotion either but it doesn't mean we don't love each other. when my dad was in hospital a few years ago my mum was anxious the whole time. and i know they would do anything to help me and my husband if we needed them. just because we don't hug all the time doesn't mean we don't care!!!