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Can't bond with my little pup

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Amanda44, Sep 11, 2018.


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  1. Amanda44

    Amanda44 PetForums Newbie

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    Hi there l really need some advice. I have a little 4 months Shih tzu l just can't seem to bond with her,l feel as if she's not my dog,not sure if that makes any sense. I previously had a Shih tzu who did in Dec she was nearly 16yrs. Have l got a pup too soon,did l think l was ready but lm not. I'm so mixed up,just don't know what to do. Any advice would be great
     
  2. BlueJay

    BlueJay Pee on it and walk away

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    How long have you had her?
    Give it time :)
     
  3. Amanda44

    Amanda44 PetForums Newbie

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    Hi lve had her for 2 months.
     
  4. Happy Paws

    Happy Paws PetForums VIP

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    When you've just lost an older dog, a puppy takes a lot of getting use to and are very hard work. After we lost Amber had Dillon 5 months later is was a nightmare I nearly asked his breeder to have him back, but I'm so glad we didn't, we have the most loving and caring dog you could wish for.

    Give it time, I'm sure things will work out for you.
     
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  5. lorilu

    lorilu PetForums VIP

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    So sorry for your loss of your precious girl.

    What are you doing with your new pup? I mean, training, playing, that kind of thing? Why do you feel you aren't bonding? Are you making too many comparisons between new and your now-Angel girl? That can cause problems because of course this dog will not be your other dog, they are individuals.

    Have you talked to the breeder?
     
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  6. mollypip

    mollypip PetForums Senior

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    Pups are dizzy little things, their personalities haven't developed properly yet at that age, as the months go on and your pup matures you'll feel different, you'll get the connection youre missing right now. Pups are a huge amount of work too, but things will get easier. You can't expect to feel the same towards her as you did for the dog you lost right now, just give it some time.
     
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  7. DaisyBluebell

    DaisyBluebell Earth, the insane asylum of the Universe

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    I lost my beloved 17 year old Daisy & when we got Emma at 8 weeks old 6 months later, I too could not bond with her to start with, In fact I didn't like her at all and she made it plain she didn't like me either - it was a total shock to me & had it not been for my OH she would have gone back to the breeder - that was over a year ago now & I would kill for her, she is the most amazing adorable dog ever & I love her every bit as much as I did my beloved Daisy - give it time, I promise you faithfully it will get better and better & in no time at all you will be coming on here showing us pictures and saying how much you love her - read the Puppy Support thread above and you will see so many of us feel the way you do right now.
     
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  8. cheekyscrip

    cheekyscrip Pitchfork blaster

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    47D6E6BF-74EF-4D3C-A48B-820739E9AABD.jpeg 3AFEC0D6-9EE4-45B5-8232-0352FF35E727.jpeg So sorry for your loss. Sometimes the bonding happens instantly sometimes it takes time. It happens to new mums too.

    That is completely natural you still miss your dog.

    When my dog passed away and I got Scrip it was not an easy ride at all and those dear souls here were such help.
    @rona , @JANICE199 among the first who helped and now nearly nine years on Scrip is doing just fine and we love him to bits.
    Here Scrip when adopted and Scrip now.
     
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  9. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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    Yes you did. You already know you did you answered it for yourself.

    But I wonder if the bereavement was so painful that your too scared to allow yourself to love this pup. You wanted this pup to go get it I assume? When my 19 yr old cat was finally put to sleep on the 5th trip to the vets and I had dogs too but this cat was very special as I got her on the day I married at 16. She was beautiful. But she’s been thru hell with me. Literally and moved around the Uk so much. I tried get another cat a few times from cat sanctuaries but I just couldn’t because they wasn’t her. It took 2 full years before I could bring myself to adopt another cat. My mum was the opposite. She needed get another when she was bereaved to cope. I just couldn’t. It shows how people grieve differently. Also shows how people are scared to love again and open themselves back up to being hurt as one day you will be hurt again as if things work out way they should your animal would die before you. It’s important to live and to grieve. You need to give yourself a break as I think your stopping yourself out of guilt and out of fear of being hurt from loving this puppy and it’s not fair on the pup. Rejecting a pup so young is catastrophic so you must decide if you can get help from a counsellor for your grief and to allow yourself to move on and live this dog or let this dog go before you wreck this dogs life. Sounds harsh but it’s said with the utmost sympathy and respect for you both. I really feel for you both. I hope there’s a happy ending to this.
     
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  10. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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    Should say love not live
     
  11. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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    4 months is a while to be rejected for the pup
     
  12. BlueJay

    BlueJay Pee on it and walk away

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    Puppies go to new homes minimum 2 months old. Read above, OP has had her for two months.
    Also, not bonding strongly and rejecting are two very different things. I highly doubt OP is treating her puppy any differently because of how she feels
     
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  13. Tizwaz

    Tizwaz PetForums Junior

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    Hi I’ve replied to a couple of poster on here saying the same as you, it’s horrible feeling like you are .I’ve been there myself and I can honestly say it does get better .I never will forget my lost pets but now I love my 2 so much. I feel guilty and I know I would never have forgiven myself if I had given them back
     
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  14. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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  15. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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    Hi I couldn’t give an animal up. It’s not that simple. I feel she’s unable to let go of her guilt and scared to feel that much love again as the pain has been so damaging. Of course it is. I been distraught when I’ve lost my animals. They’re all cremated to be buried with me. They meant more to me than some family. It’s amazing that here in Uk an animals death isn’t recognised as significant in a person grieving which is very sad so there’s no counselling services or therapies. I don’t know how your fixed there. But if there’s no actual counselling for dog therapy maybe she can do either 1 of 2 ways and either don’t tell them it’s a dog or try get some sort of counselling through a church. I feel she’s holding her feelings back rather than she doesn’t want or doesn’t care about the dog. She cares to feed it and I wonder if she walks it. So she’s caring for it but in her mind she’s trying to tell herself consciously she can’t feel anything for the dog and doesn’t care but in reality she’s caring. I feel this is a guilt fear relationship. I’ve done 15 yrs of specialist dynamic therapy and 5 yrs of sexual abuse therapy training and 5 yrs of bereavement therapy and 3 yrs of adult relationship therapy plus adult one to one therapy for years. This is why I came to this conclusion. Also having walked in and out of cat sanctuaries so many times in 2 years I knew I wasn’t ready but when I finally got my cat I felt I hadn’t replaced my other cat but I had started a different branch of that part of my life. If that makes sense. I really hope she can resolve it sooner than later for both of them as she sounds unhappy and must feel desperate and want reassuring to say something so big on here to bunch of strangers. I wish her well.
     
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  16. Tizwaz

    Tizwaz PetForums Junior

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    Hi sorry my post went before I’d finished there is something called new puppy blues which I’m sure I had along with grieving for my old boy dog it takes time especially when the newcomer is hard work Good luck wish you both happy times ahead
     
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  17. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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    Your a lovely person tizwaz and you have nothing feel guilty about or to reproach yourself about. You’ve done the right thing and what your experiences are, are completely natural as they’re loyalty for your best friend you had and loved. No different toachild. People don’t recognise the emotional investment that lot of people make as its minorities that abuse and treat animals badly. We do anything for our let’s and at no amount of cost. Why the pet industry booming and the surgery and insurance is outproced and exclusions now on every policy in Uk so that if your dog or cat suffers even a tummy bug they’ll be excluded from that on re real of the policy the following year and so on until you nothing left insure. Then that leaves you in a very scared place like I am now with my 2 digs who need treatment for life anddaily to keep them alive and well. They can live fairly normal in it. But it’s expensive. I think your a loving owner whose not replaced your lost friend whose always going to have that special place in your heart and you’ll never forget them. I been carrying cremated ashes with me since1992 of mydog that went through so much surgery but then tried bite my baby when it was3 months old and I had to choose baby or dog out sleep ascodnt rehomed back then as they didn’t **** off therapies. My dog had been my baby along with my cat. I was heartbroken and I even was upset with my baby for few weeks not blaming her but was distraught I lost my other baby (my dog who had my mums name after my mum had died when I 18 along with 5 other family. The dog was got to replace my mum and called my mums name so having to put my dog sleep was horrendous. It’s amazung as humans how we torture ourselves over right and wrong decisions and loyalty. It’s not being disloyal to get another dog. It may be your not ready. You’ll never feel the same about your new dog as you did about your last dog as it’s an entirely different relationship and that’s the other thing peopleexowct of themselves then wonder why they don’t feel the same feelings. Well, simple, you can’t, it’s not the same dog or cat. It’s a new relationship likeany child husband partner that you have to build up and work at. It’s not there the day you bring it home or each day you get up as time goes on and expect it to be there. Unless you can remember this pet isn’t the same as the last and that you both got to give each other a try and work at it and that, your new pet is a baby needing you to nurture it. You got remember this is a new relationship and your never going to feel the same from now to end if your days as you did about the last pet. But if you give yourself and your new pet a chance you’ll have an entirely new different renationship that will hopefully reward you both.
     
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  18. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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    Hi Tizwaz. I understand. Hopefully you’ll read what I just wrote. I’m sure you’ll be a great help to this person. Thanks
     
  19. Shopgirl67

    Shopgirl67 Banned

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    Bluejay. I think op is telling herself she doesn’t care when she clearly is caring. Please read my further posts. Thanks.
     
  20. lorilu

    lorilu PetForums VIP

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    Yes there is a thread devoted to it.

    https://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/puppy-support-thread.448113/
     
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