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Can my cat learn to be a lap cat?

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by Mya's Mum, Jul 10, 2018.


  1. Mya's Mum

    Mya's Mum PetForums Newbie

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    I have a 7 month female moggie that I absolutely adore and probably even spoil too much. Until 2-3 months ago she would curl up on my lap and enjoy being petted. She was very affectionate and loving. Then she started doing it less and less. Eventually she stopped curling up on my lap and would only curl up on the sofa next to me. Now she has stopped doing that too. She would rather sleep in another room and she never wants any cuddles which is quite frustrating. If I try to stroke her she just runs away and starts playing rough. She will not even let me near her with a brush! There is only one exception: she will wake me up early in the morning, lie on my chest and want to be petted. That is the only time she actually purrs. But even that seems to be happening for shorter periods and less frequently now. Am I doing something wrong? Does this mean that my cat does not love me? Is there any way I can get her to be more affectionate?
     
  2. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    Hi and welcome! They do change their minds and change their habits every so often my girl adored her bed at the end of the sofa for 4 years! Now avoids it like the plague.
    Firstly are you sure she’s not unwell? Is she eating and toileting ok? Drinking water? It could be the very hot weather she’s not happy with and only wants a cosy but shady place.
    I suggest you get some interactive toys , wand toys like Da bird and have playtimes with her, when you finish give her a treat. Don’t force any petting on her or follow her around she will come to when she’s good and ready love! Like all cats. Lol by the way my cat doesn’t sit on laps at all!
     
    #2 Soozi, Jul 10, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2018
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  3. Mya's Mum

    Mya's Mum PetForums Newbie

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    Hi and thank you so much for your reply. I don't think she is unwell. She eats and toilets well. I don't see her drinking much water but I am looking into buying a water dispenser now so her water can be always fresh and clean. She plays a lot too and my living room is basically a playground full of toys. I have read that cats don't like kisses too much (and I do kiss her a lot whenever I can, how can I resist?) and that they don't like you staring straight at them...Not sure if this could have anything to do with it but I will try to change my behaviour. I guess the hot weather may be putting her off laying on my chest like she used to. Until 2-3 months ago she would always sleep with me on my bed but nowadays she never does and prefers to stay in the living room. Perhaps it is just her personality but I am hoping it will change just a little because I still spend my evening sat on my sofa alone like before I got her. Having said all that she is still absolutely adorable!
     
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  4. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    It really sounds like she needs a bit of time to adjust Lovi! Just try to back off a bit (I know it’s hard lol) and avoid the kissing for now!
     
  5. Charity

    Charity Endangered Species

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    I've had my two five years and its only this year that they have deigned to sit on my lap now and again. I used to feel so sad I didn't have lap cats which I've always had in the past. They used to always come and sit with me in bed first thing in the mornings, now they rarely do this. Cats chop and change their minds constantly about where they sleep, they favour one place for a few weeks then suddenly decide to to somewhere else. My friendliest one hates being picked up or too much fussing round his face so I don't do it. If they really don't like something then its best to leave them alone so if you are constantly kissing her when she doesn't want it, it sounds as if she is giving you a wide berth as this is what she expects you to do. You will probably find things change as she matures, just leave her and let her do things at her pace and I'm sure one day she will come back to your lap.
     
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  6. Mya's Mum

    Mya's Mum PetForums Newbie

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    Thanks that is encouraging! She has never reacted badly to my kisses but I guess she is just putting up with it. I will try to modify my own behaviour before expecting her to modify hers. I cannot expect to be like the cats I've had in the past. At the end of the day we just want our kitties to be happy and hopefully one day she will become a bit more cuddly :)
     
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  7. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    I agree with Charity everything in her own time! She might just be feeling a little overwhelmed by all the attention from you. I’m so glad you are taking advice on board and can see where you can make adjustments.
    Would love to see some pics of her! What is her name?
     
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  8. Mya's Mum

    Mya's Mum PetForums Newbie

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    Her name is Mya. 20180622_091832.jpg 20180629_134307.jpg 20180612_190924.jpg 20180630_210148.jpg 20180629_191615.jpg
     
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  9. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    Awww Mya is adorable! I can see she has loads of toys!! Bless! Let us know how she gets on!
     
  10. Mya's Mum

    Mya's Mum PetForums Newbie

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    I will! Thanks for all the advice!
     
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  11. SuboJvR

    SuboJvR Joey’s Mummy

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    She is sooo cute! What a lovely girl.

    You could try giving her "cat kisses"... when she is looking at you, if you are looking at her, give her a slow blink :) That's a subtle communication that cats do, like a smile :)
     
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  12. Soozi

    Soozi PetForums VIP

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    I agree eye communication is important! They can stare at you but you can’t stare back! Lol!
     
  13. Mya's Mum

    Mya's Mum PetForums Newbie

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    I have read somewhere about "cat kisses"...I wonder if they work! Maybe not as fulfilling for me as real kisses but I shall give it a try. And I only read today that cats don't like you staring at them...I think I really am going to have to adapt to her rather than the opposite :) Yes, I definitely do need to learn to communicate better with her, in other words, her way! It's just that sometimes I doubt whether she loves me at all...
     
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  14. bluecordelia

    bluecordelia Footy

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    I have one who comes up on my chest and sits near me . Head bumps and pushes the phone away so I pay attention.

    The other is always mooching around and likes to rub against my legs. She on occasion sits on shoulder but it is very much when she wants it.
    Nature or nurture. Boy or girl cat. They are all different x
     
  15. Torin.

    Torin. PetForums VIP

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    2-3 months ago is when it stopped being really cold. It's not unusual or particularly surprising that cats (who after all expend most of their energy on maintaining body temperature) are more snuggly when it's cold than when it's hot. Moril's very snuggly when it's cold, but currently at most he'll sit on me once or twice a week for a minute or two at waking up time.
     
  16. Summercat

    Summercat PetForums VIP

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    Mya is a cutie:)
     
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  17. Tom681

    Tom681 Banned

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    When they get older they'll only want to sit in your lap lol

    My little one would never sit on my lap ever and now that he's older he pretty much looks at every opportunity to sit in my lap!

    They'll do it in their own time :)
     
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  18. oliviarussian

    oliviarussian Meeoow!

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    Sounds like she’s going through her teenage phase!
     
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  19. sskmick

    sskmick PetForums VIP

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    I have had cats that love a cuddle and cats that will only come to me on their terms. I don't push them, I do encourage them and as they pass me I stroke them. Bellini my Ragdoll prefers the company and affection of our dog. I think this stems from when we had Duke our Staffie, Tammy our Jack Russell doesn't really know what to make of Bellini's affections.
     
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