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Bored so here's a true story.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Magik, Nov 9, 2007.


  1. Magik

    Magik Guest

    I'm bored and you lot aren't being very lively!!! So here's a true story from my childhood... you might be able to find a moral in there somewhere.

    Ok I'm 11 years old and in my first year at secondary school. I hated Maths..it was my worse subject. One day I got some Maths homework which I really didn't fancy doing..I put it off and off until eventually the day came round when it was due in. So I thought to myself...I'm not going to school, I'll fake an illness and do it while i'm in bed faking to be sick.

    So I plotted what to say to my parents... what Illness could I fake. I came up with the perfect scam - Severe constipation!!! No visable symptoms and to top it off when I was a baby I had a problem with my intestine..nearly died..and my mum was still paranoid about what happened to me so I could play on that too...evil but genius.

    So I told my parents I had constipation and I got a day in bed with lots of hot drinks brought to me and watching videos all day. It was great... so great I continued it for 4 whole days...and still I did not complete that Maths Home work.

    On the fourth day my dad came to see me in the morning. He said it had been going on too long and I had a choice...school or doctors. Well that was easy, Doctors anyday. So off I went too the doctors with my dad expecting to get prescribed a high fibre diet...I couldn't have been more wrong.

    After a long wait of listening to pensioners coughing I got to see the doctor...after a few prods of my stomach he said those fearfull words. "Please drop your trousers and pants and lay flat on the couch" - oh my god!!! No only was I in the presence of my dad I was 11 years old...that horrible age of half puberty..one massive ball, 3 pubes...you get the picture!!! and he wanted me to get all this out infront of my dad!!! If that wasn't enough I then caught glimpse of what he wanted to shove up my arse,,, a Suppository the size of a torpedo!!

    What was I to do...come clean and say I wasn't ILL? or take one up the ass...well I went for the 3rd option...leg it!!! Now unfortunately I didn't make it passed the door.. the doctor with the help of my dad pinned me down to the couch, pulled my pants down and shoved the torpedo up my ass....the humiliation... everything...felt like my world had ended.

    So I get home thinking...ok that was bad,,,that was really bad but you're over it and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But there was one thing that hadn't occured to me!?! What happens when you have a Suppository when you dont really have constipation...well I'll tell you what happens you end up glues to the toilet sh*tting out anything your body can get through it...at one point I thought I'd sh*t a kidney it was awful..

    So what's my point? Do your homework kids...it's not that bad!!!
     
  2. Jenny Olley

    Jenny Olley PetForums VIP

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    that explains it then.
     
  3. Magik

    Magik Guest

    You think that one event is responsible for the man I've become today?
     
  4. Jenny Olley

    Jenny Olley PetForums VIP

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    Possibly, who knows.
     
  5. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    yes, you said you s**t everything out, including your brains,:p:p
     
  6. Magik

    Magik Guest

    There are many more stories...but I'll save them for another time...dont want to run out of material too early in the game.
     
  7. Magik

    Magik Guest

    This is getting embarrassing now!!!
     
  8. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    why thank you magik, you aint so bad yourself hun,
     
  9. Magik

    Magik Guest

    HAHA Gutted you worked it out....
     
  10. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    i can work anyone or anything out in the end,:D
     
  11. Magik

    Magik Guest

    you'll never work me out!!!
     
  12. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    yep i KNOW i will, :D:D
     
  13. plumo72

    plumo72 PetForums VIP

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    lol that made me smile :)
     
  14. jan-c

    jan-c Guest

    I knew there had to be a meaning to the phrase "S**t for brains lol:cool:
     
  15. Magik

    Magik Guest

    I've brought this back to the top as I believe there are many lessons to be learnt here. Maybe Mark could make this thread a sticky?
     
  16. bullbreeds

    bullbreeds PetForums VIP

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    Im going to make my son read this in a min. He's 11 and wont do his homework either! :D
    I forsee a good report the end of this term! :D
     
  17. Magik

    Magik Guest

    I'm glad my experience was not in vane. Pleased to know I will be helping another youngster!:)
     
  18. bullbreeds

    bullbreeds PetForums VIP

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    Theres always a lesson to be learned from anothers misfortune.
    Im take it that was the last time someone placed something up there? or not maybe?! :eek:
     
  19. Vixie

    Vixie PetForums VIP

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    gives a whole new meaning to being rear-ended doesnt it Magik
     
  20. BredaKim

    BredaKim PetForums Member

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    OMG...soooooo funny!!! Wahahahahahahaaa! Serves you right Magik!!
     
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