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Bored and Neglected? Or simply being a BSH?

Discussion in 'Cat Training and Behaviour' started by Yogis, Aug 6, 2019.


  1. Yogis

    Yogis PetForums Newbie

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    Hi I’m not sure if I’m supposed to start a new post or just keep asking in my old one, but I just want to know that even though British Shorthairs are known for not being cuddly nap cats, but do they want you to stroke them? My BSH seems satisfied laying on the windowsill, and sometimes stands up and walk away when I stroke him. Is it because I just got him for 5 days and he’s still not used to me or is it because it’s simply his nature? Should I leave him alone and give him more time to come to me or will he be bored and feel neglected? He shows his belly to me and sleeps beside my leg on my bed at night, while still chooses hiding under my bed sometimes during the day. I’m just not sure if I should keep stroking him and giving attention since he still tends to choose another place to rest on when I do so, or should I just ignore him and do my own things? Will he be bored or feel neglected? How can I tell if he’s just shy of me or if it’s simply a BSH’s nature to do so?
     
  2. ChaosCat

    ChaosCat PetForums VIP

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    It’s always best to go with what a cat shows you. After only five days you can’t yet know all the subtle hints your cat gives you. With Annie I know exactly when she has enough of being petted- to everybody outside our family her hint is unrecognisable as it is just a gentle wave of a hind leg.

    Your cat (will you tell the name? It sounds so unpersonal to always say 'your cat') won’t feel neglected if you don’t caress him all the time. Let him come to you or offer a gentle stroke when you feel it is a good moment and look out for subtle hints.
     
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  3. Treaclesmum

    Treaclesmum PetForums VIP

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    At only 5 days into your new cat ownership, he is still adjusting to you but showing his belly and relaxing beside you are great signs! I would stroke him whenever he comes near, but if he backs away then let him be. You need to get him used to you, but it sounds like he is doing that very quickly. He could become quite affectionate with time, so certainly don't think that he won't.

    He probably hides under the bed because he can smell the presence of the other cat in the house. I think you should try to introduce them, but if the Bengal is angry or aggressive towards him, you will need to confine him to your room again until they start to adapt. But I think both their nerves would calm down if they could just see each other and see where the strange cat smells are coming from.
     
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  4. Yogis

    Yogis PetForums Newbie

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    Yeah, I’ve tried to introduce them, but Hugo (Bengal) definitely made up his mind that he does not enjoy the presence of my cat (Milo) and has already made up his mind onto bullying Milo whenever he shows up. I guess I have to remind myself to be more patient. o_O I just hope Milo won’t feel bored if all I do is sitting there with an iPad on my lap and just leave him alone until he comes near me.

    What should I do if he comes by and lay down near me but once I pet/stroke him then he’d switch to another place to lay beside me? Does he want attention or not? If he wants attention, why go away (back to original spot)? If he doesn’t, why didn’t he just stay laying beside me in the first place?

    Should I just be content with him moving closer and not do anything? Will he feels unloved or ignored and be disappointed or discouraged if I do so?
     
    #4 Yogis, Aug 6, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2019
  5. ChaosCat

    ChaosCat PetForums VIP

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    If Milo moves away when you touch him he clearly just wants to be near you but not caressed. Then just let him be.
    You can always talk to him, read aloud what you read on the internet or whatever, that helps bonding. If you are unsure if he wants to be touched stroke him gently with just one finger and look how he reacts. Most cats don’t like to have their tummy touched, not like a dog presenting their belly. Most cats prefer caresses in the head area. Scratching chin or cheeks or neck.

    And of course playing is great for bonding and prevents boredom. Playing with balls or a wand toy together is great fun for both.
     
  6. chillminx

    chillminx PetForums VIP

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    @Yogis, BSH as a breed are known for being friendly, sociable and affectionate to their human companions. It sounds as though Milo is not relaxed hence why he does not want you to stroke him.

    I assume one reason Milo is not relaxed is because Hugo has been aggressive to him when they have met and this has made him feel on edge, fearful even...

    I recall you mentioned earlier you are living in a family friend's house at present? Is this a temporary arrangement for a few weeks ? If so, then in view of Hugo's apparent objection to Milo and his displays of aggression to Milo, it's not worth putting the two cats through the stress of an introduction. Because it will be stressful, no getting away from that.

    Instead it would be better to concentrate on finding somewhere more suitable to live, for you and Milo so Milo can relax.
     
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  7. Yogis

    Yogis PetForums Newbie

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    I will be living with the family friend’s house for quite a long time during university.…
     
  8. chillminx

    chillminx PetForums VIP

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    I wonder if it is a suitable environment for Milo ?

    If you plan to keep Milo with you throughout your time at Uni then he really can't stay in your room the whole time. You need to find a way of introducing the two cats to each other safely, e.g. using a mesh screen door. This process could take anything from a few weeks to a few months, but if by the end of 3 months the 2 cats still can't be together without Hugo attacking or bullying Milo, then it is never going to work. 3 months is long enough to be able to tell.

    Your options then would be to divide the house in two e.g. with a door fitted at the top or bottom of the stairs, and let Hugo have one half of the house and Milo have the other half so they have no contact with each other. But I am not sure the family friend you are living with will appreciate having their house divided up. Different if it was your own house.

    The other option is to find somewhere else for Milo to live, e.g. on a long term fostering basis, until you have finished Uni and have your own place to live. You could visit Milo regularly while he is being fostered and have him with you in the holidays (if you were returning to your family home).

    It would not be fair on either Hugo or Milo to have them living together if they can't get along, or at least tolerate each other. Conflict between cats who live together is highly stressful for them and can often result in chronic stress-related illnesses such as Feline cystitis or behaviour problems such as obsessive over-grooming or house soiling. Milo is already showing signs of stress/anxiety from what you have said.
     
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  9. Yogis

    Yogis PetForums Newbie

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    I have just asked the family and they’ve agreed to let Milo stay in their study which has a glass door where both cats are able to see each other very clearly. Hugo has shown great aggression including jumping at the glass door, but Milo seems to be okay, and only very tense and alert when Hugo shows up. Now he has already found a comfortable place for himself to rest and even seems to be pretty relaxed when Hugo comes to the door. (Except maybe changing from looking elsewhere to Hugo). Hugo, on the other hand, seems to have given up staying at the other side the whole day, but still comes over some times and stares at Milo in a very “ready to pounce” position. I find few weeks pretty long, though, as Milo already peed on their leather sofa, and printer (he’s potty trained and do use his litter box.). He’s also shattered a vase from the top of their bookshelf and knocked off their fake flower basket in the study. I don’t think the family is very pleased with the vase accident and especially the peeing problem.
     
  10. Treaclesmum

    Treaclesmum PetForums VIP

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    Poor Milo :(
    It's good there is a room with a glass door where they can try to get used to each other, and with other cats this might work, but I think these are 2 of the most opposite breeds imaginable and will never become best buddies. It really would be better if you and Milo could live elsewhere, even a studio flat might be better, Milo would probably settle better as there won't be a Hugo around!
     
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  11. chillminx

    chillminx PetForums VIP

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    Hugo and Milo being able to see each other safely is good, but they also need to be able to smell each other's scent, which they can't do through a glass barrier.

    If Milo has peed on the leather sofa and the printer he is scent marking due to anxiety. I am afraid it is unlikely to stop while he shares a house with Hugo. As long as the family friend is aware of this and doesn't object..

    Are you running a Pet Remedy calming diffuser as I suggested earlier?
     
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  12. SILVERKINGS

    SILVERKINGS PetForums Junior

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    Aww poor milo, as owner of two bsh myself I wouldn’t want to put any of mine in a position where they could be unsettled, and sorry to say but bengals are gawjus cats but totally agree with treaclesmum think your milo would be happier if he could live elsewhere free from anxiety it’s not fair on either cat, as you say he is bullying milo when ever he shows up.and you are saying the family is not happy with the peeing from milo who is showing anxiety. It’s always going to be difficult living in someone else’s home who owns a cat as it’s Hugo’s territory his home as he sees it.
     
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