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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Can't believe that I'm actually posting this but I've had a really bad few days..

There are 2 girls in my college course who have turned on me for seemingly no reason. I noticed they were deliberately ignoring me from the very first day but now that I've been put in a group with them for an assignment its actually upsetting me.

I don't know what it is about me that's caused their dislike but they are very friendly with everyone else in the class except me. In the group they blank anything I say to the point where other members of the group have started to notice.

They will also snigger when I talk in class and one of them has made a few sly remarks. Its like everything I do brings their negative attention on me.

I'm a very insecure person with confidence issues (probably why I'm their chosen target) and their behavior is making me to shy to offer my opinion in class or answer any questions.

I am finding myself becoming more and more sensitive to the point where I nearly left college in tears after our group work session today. They just excluded me from the group so much that I wanted to get away from it all.

I don't know what to do.. I can't change group and I don't want to tell the tutors because their behavior is very subtle and it might seem like I'm exaggerating. I feel so trapped!

It makes me sad because I'm actually doing really well in my course and get along with everyone else but now I don't want to go in and be around them.

I probably sound really silly, they are even a few years younger then me but I'm dreading the next few weeks.. why do they have to be so horrible :(
 

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Actually am in the same situation (or was) I realised a while back that the only way to respond is to completely ignore which involves not showing that it bothers you. I honestly sometimes don't realise the people who actually hate me are in the class sometimes because I've become so good at ignoring them.

If you are in a group with them there are two options
1) Tell your tutor you don't need to tell the whole story just say that they are making you feel really uncomfortable and you fear it's going to impact your grade.
2) Are there any other people in your group? Try and talk to those people more then atleast you can say you have contributed to the group.

I ignore these days and to be honest since I am quiet it means that after a while they move on to other people. Sure I get what I call 'angry looks' but I've built up a tough skin since I was bullied since the first day I went to school (and I am in uni now). If it became more aggressive and direct these days I would tell my tutor though.
 

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Talk to your tutor in confidence. Your education is too important to lose through embarassment. You are not at college to make friends - you`re there to do the vitally important job of equipping yourself for work.
You will meet bullies in all situations - work, travel, relationships etc. It doesn`t end with school. It carries on. Learning how to deal with it is one of the life skills we all have to learn.
Speak to staff at college. You have to do this. Bullies don`t stop until someone stops them.
 

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Are you quite sure they aren't jealous of you for some reason?

Probably because you are getting on so well, or you are prettier than them.

If you can, just ignore them and create friendships with other members of the group.

They cannot be worth your stress or time, so don't give it to them :)
 

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Catz and kirkland I am so sorry for you both although kirkland seems to of dealt with it quiet well! But it must be awful for you. Don't realy have any advice just don't let there obvious bitterness ruin what should be a fun time for you OR!!!!!! I could come to your college for the day crash your classes and we can sit and snigger and belittle them!
Seriously hope everything works out for you xxxxxx
 

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I really feel for you, I got bullying at school and college. Girls will start for no particular reason, but then sometimes I'd manage to resolve issues with them, and then they'll become friendly, so not all is lost. I did know one girl that I knew we were never destined to get on together. Being paired up with her on an assignment was a disaster and I had to tell my tutor in the end as it was just making my life a misery. She used to tell me off in public like she was my mother or something - another girl in my group asked me if I wanted to walk with her to the tuck shop to get a snack in the middle of class, which was allowed by the tutor as we were just left to get on with the work, and guess who got shouted at for doing that? Me! She didn't even tell me what to do, and just ignored me whilst she discussed the work with the other girl, until she realised I needed something to do, but the way she went about it was:eek:ut: She would also make comment on whatever I said in classes.
 

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I've been in a bullying situation this year, not the same as yours, but bullying none the less.

I made an informal complaint about the bully, an informal meeting was called, the bully shot herself in the foot by making a direct discriminatory remark and she earned herself a formal warning :D

What goes around, comes around. Those b%tches, *cough cough*, I mean girls, will get their comeuppance. In the meantime, try your best to rise above their pathetic behaviour. Just carry on enjoying your course and spend as much time with people that you like and who like you. It might not seem like it now, and believe me I know, but it will get better. The bullies are most likely jealous that you're polular and well liked, although it might not feel that way right now.

Take care of yourself. You new mantra is 'I am a lovely person' :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you for the advice..

I feel really silly, I'm an adult as are they and this is proper school yard stuff. I just wish I wasn't so sensitive, they can see they are getting to me and I try rise above but I still feel that lump in the back of my throat when we are doing group work.

If someone came to me with this problem I would give them the same advice but its pretty tough to do when its you in the situation.

I guess I forgot that bullying doesn't just end at the school gates!
 

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Call attention to them - if they ignore what you say during your group work time, sweetly and politely ask them directly what they think - they won't ignore you when the entire group is watching. If they snigger while you're talking - stop talking and pointedly ask them if they have something they'd like to share and to wait until you've finished and then quickly continue with what you were saying.

Talk to your tutor about it too - the chances are that they will have noticed and will be willing to do something about it.

Bullies thrive on their victims' silence - once you call them out on it in public, they'll back off.
 

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Thank you for the advice..

I feel really silly, I'm an adult as are they and this is proper school yard stuff. I just wish I wasn't so sensitive, they can see they are getting to me and I try rise above but I still feel that lump in the back of my throat when we are doing group work.

If someone came to me with this problem I would give them the same advice but its pretty tough to do when its you in the situation.

I guess I forgot that bullying doesn't just end at the school gates!
It's not silly. Don't underestimate how you feel. Bullying is just hideous. My bully (at work) is a vile older woman, completely poisonous. I'm her senior officer several times over yet she thought it was acceptable to bully me :(

It is hard to deal with, but you can do it. You just have to work out what way forward is best for you. Do you have a class tutor you could confide in? You don't need to take formal action, just having someone to talk to can help and if that person is made aware of their insidious behaviour and can see what they're up to, it might make it easier for you?

Keep your chin up :)
 

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I really feel for you Catz1:(
I had an almost identical problem in my class last year (oddly enough, not in the first year & not this year, but the social dynamics have changed- we were a large class the first year, some dropped out at the end, the second year a group of 4 girls palled around together & one in particular was more of a 'ringleader', & was very much like the girls Catz1 describes. She has now left & for this year we are a small & so far a very harmonious group).

I have to say it's a wretched experience to be bullied & also hard to understand why such petty playground mentality exists in people old enough to know better (it wasn't jealousy as I'm neither bright nor pretty!).

I would definitely have a discreet word with your tutor. I didn't, but another tutor reported what they were doing as she noticed their behaviour before I had the chance.

Don't let these nasty creatures win by dropping out x

Are you quite sure they aren't jealous of you for some reason?

Probably because you are getting on so well, or you are prettier than them.

If you can, just ignore them and create friendships with other members of the group.

They cannot be worth your stress or time, so don't give it to them :)
It can be very hard to ignore Rona, it's so emotionally draining. I'd go home & cry my eyes out (& I'm pretty tough usually) & had several incidences where I nearly dropped out, but my OH was amazing & just let me rant until I calmed down:eek:
 

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Call attention to them - if they ignore what you say during your group work time, sweetly and politely ask them directly what they think - they won't ignore you when the entire group is watching. If they snigger while you're talking - stop talking and pointedly ask them if they have something they'd like to share and to wait until you've finished and then quickly continue with what you were saying.

Talk to your tutor about it too - the chances are that they will have noticed and will be willing to do something about it.

Bullies thrive on their victims' silence - once you call them out on it in public, they'll back off.
It's pretty hard to do when you are feeling mocked and left out...but it does work.
Something a teacher taught me some time ago when I first had to stand in front of a couple of hundred teachers was to just stop speaking and look at whoever was doing the sniggering while you are talking. By the time they realise it's all gone quiet, the whole room is staring at them, and the boot is on the other foot.
Practice in front of the mirror - I'm not kidding, a lot of public speaking techniques work in this situation :)
Speaking to your tutor is a good idea too, it doesn't have to be a formal complaint, just letting them know there is an issue for you.
 

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I would definitely have a discreet word with your tutor. I didn't, but another tutor reported what they were doing as she noticed their behaviour before I had the chance.
Yeah wish that happened with me but a lot are quite good at not making it obvious enough in front of people. I think for me university bullying was tougher than at school because I couldn't escape home I lived on campus (and still do). If your in the same situation as I was do not bottle it up it did end up with terrible consequences.

Ignoring them is an option but you need to also have someone to talk to. Does your college offer counseling? You don't need to go regularly but atleast it is someone to talk to about it. They also know any options available and have heard quite a lot of it before.
 

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It can be very hard to ignore Rona, it's so emotionally draining. I'd go home & cry my eyes out (& I'm pretty tough usually) & had several incidences where I nearly dropped out, but my OH was amazing & just let me rant until I calmed down:eek:
I bow to your superior knowledge on this. It's not something I've ever suffered from.
I was always the protector of the bullied :D
 

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I bow to your superior knowledge on this. It's not something I've ever suffered from.
I was always the protector of the bullied :D
Sounds like my hubby, he's one of those people who always sorted out the bullies, he started by sending my bully of an ex packing:D
 

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I know everyone says it but it because the are jealous.

This makes me so angry that you are being made to feel like this. I've had this kind of bullying in school and its so hard to explain to people without sounding like your being over sensitive but your not.

Only the other day I was in the pub with kids and family when some lady in her 40's caked in make up and fake everything was laughing and talking about the middle parting in my hair wtf. I can only think its jealousy. I'm not stunning but natural and happy and still in my 20's (only just) she saw a target. I just glared at her till she shut up.

Try talking to the others in your group and get them on side. Like you said others have noticed and they cant leave you out if the others don't co-operate and the pair of them will be made to feel pretty stupid.
 

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What a predicament to be put in and one you can do without. Small people with small minds!

Even if their behaviour towards you is 'suttle' your tutors will be able to pick up on it - you must draw out the courage from within and speak to your tutor and once you have done that you will be empowered and you will have the support of the college. You only get one shot at Education don't let anyone spoil that for you.

Good luck and keep your chin up.
 

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It need not be jealousy, but one thing is certain, they are insecure and have low self esteem. Someone who is sure of his/her own worth need not put someone else down to make him/herself look bigger or better.

I had a boss who would belittle whoever disagreed with her or even questioned a decision or suggested another option, so much so that I got a burn-out and depression from it. I got therapy, and this is the most valuable lesson I learned: bullies are desperately trying to hide their own incapabilities and shortcomings by drawing unfavourable attention to others.

So when I went back to work and she sneered about my husband, who, in her eyes, was a good-for-nothing (she hadn't even met him or heard anything straight from me, just some gossip), I replied: you are the very last one to take marital advice from, at least I still HAVE a husband (she was divorced and hated her ex so much she couldn't bear rto be addressed by his surname).

About a week later she suggested I wasn't dedicated to my work because I also studied to become a translator, and she said that I would betray the department and leave the moment I was offered a good station as a translator.
I replied: that is true, if I am offered a better job and I like it, I will accept. And so will you. Or wouldn't you accept if some university offered you a post as a professor? If you say no, you are either a liar or unbelievably stupid.

She said nothing, and later I found out she had just been offered a post as a professor, and she believed I had some secret connections (while it was just a casual remark, I knew nothing). But she was soooooo sweet to me from that day onward till she left.... She daren't antagonize me, because she believed I knew about the offer and was sort of blackmailing her with my knowledge :ihih:
 
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