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Beautiful Kai

Discussion in 'Rainbow Bridge' started by KerryT72, Apr 12, 2019.


  1. KerryT72

    KerryT72 PetForums Newbie

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    I just wanted to connect with others who understand. I lost my lovely boy on Wednesday - he was almost 13. He died while we waited for the vet to come, after struggling to breathe. It was a horrible thing to see in a pet that I love so much, I kept telling him that I was sorry that I’d left it too late and he just seemed to be willing me to do something for him, staring at me - it was horrendous.
    He had had bad days and good but the good really did outweigh the bad. The day before he died he went outside and ate and did normal things. I knew he was going but I didn’t know he’d suffer. I called the vet early on Wednesday and asked him to come and put Kai to sleep, but it was too late. I know I did my best and I know he knew it too, but I still feel so guilty.
    I don’t want to dwell on his death; he was such a character and loved by my kids and my family. I married a wonderful man 4 years ago and his only flaw is that he “isn’t a dog person”. He was good when Kai died and he isn’t at all uncaring but he doesn’t understand. One of his grown up sons lives with us (25 years old) and he hasn’t even acknowledged that Kai’s died. I know some people don’t understand and I know that some find it hard to deal with other people’s loss, but this has really hit me hard this morning. I have held it together - it was my sons 17th birthday yesterday, the day after Kai died, and we were busy with driving theory test and taking Kai to the crematorium! I kept busy so maybe it looks like I’m not sad.
    Anyway, I’m waffling. I just wanted to tell anyone who’s interested that I lost a beautiful soul on Wednesday and my life is poorer without him. Thank you for listening x
     
    Jazzy and Veronica Chapman like this.
  2. lorilu

    lorilu PetForums VIP

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    You are among people who understand here. I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious Kai. Be gentle with yourself, and ignore those who don't understand. xxxxx
     
    Veronica Chapman likes this.
  3. KerryT72

    KerryT72 PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you. Xx
     
  4. niamh123

    niamh123 PetForums Senior

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    So sorry for your loss Run free Kai
     
    KerryT72 likes this.
  5. ttaylor45

    ttaylor45 PetForums Member

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    I am so sorry to hear about Kai I know just how you feel as I lost my two toy poodles last year Rusty in May 2018 and Pepe in November 2018 I was and still am heartbroken and miss them so much. I did say that after I lost Pepe I would not have any more because he was quite poorly the last two years and was forever at the vets. It is now 5 months since I have been without a dog but just this week I have been in contact with their breeder and was very tempted as she has a male toy poodle puppy available at the moment apricot like they were but as we have booked a holiday abroad in September have decided to wait until next year. I know it is going to be hard to wait that long but I hope it will help fill the empty void Rusty and Pepe left behind . My thoughts are with you try like I am and give yourself time
    And hopefully we will both think of the good times we had with our dogs.
     
  6. KerryT72

    KerryT72 PetForums Newbie

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    Awwwww I’m sorry for your loss xx You’ll know when the time is right I expect. I had a pup last year, who Kai loved, so I do have a dog to talk to and snuggle up to. I’m glad she’s here; she misses him too I think. Take care, I hope you feel ready to love again soon xx
     

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  7. Happy Paws

    Happy Paws PetForums VIP

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    I really know how you are feeling, it's just 8 weeks since we said Good Bye to our beautiful boy Dillon, it broke our hearts waiting for the vet to arrive, even now I live those last few minutes over and over again but I know we did the right thing and his now in a better place. Take care of yourself and take one day at a time.XX
     
    KerryT72 likes this.
  8. KerryT72

    KerryT72 PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you xx
     
  9. Veronica Chapman

    Veronica Chapman PetForums Junior

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    Hi Kerry, welcome to PF, so sorry for your loss. You have done your best for your beloved Kai, please be kind to yourself. You have plenty of love in you else you won't feel like this.
    Our Vet warned us that he cannot keep draining our poor rescue cat Benji's large kidney cysts on the 27/3. They have refilled faster this time. It's the end of the road as Benji's kidneys are not coping. Like you, our hearts are broken.
     
  10. KerryT72

    KerryT72 PetForums Newbie

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    I’m so sorry to hear your sad news Veronica. Even when you know it’s coming, it’s still the most excruciating pain when you have to say goodbye. Not knowing exactly when to say goodbye is hard too. I googled euthanasia for about 3 months before Kai died and, in fact, had the vet out 3 months earlier to have him put to sleep. We were lucky, the vet said he wasn’t in pain - just confused as he’d had some kind of internal bleed - and he had 3 more happy, active months. I wish you strength to do what you have to do and send you love to help heal your hearts. Xx
     
    Veronica Chapman likes this.
  11. Veronica Chapman

    Veronica Chapman PetForums Junior

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    Thank you Kerry for your comforting post.

    I was not prepared to put Benji to sleep at the Vet's last week. Like you I feel so guilty each time I look at him. I also feel terribly selfish to keep him going even though he is struggling up the stairs. He doesn't sleep downstairs anymore. Thank goodness he shows no signs of pain. Sorry to bother you with my worries and pain when you have so much yourself.
     
  12. ttaylor45

    ttaylor45 PetForums Member

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    I am so sorry you are facing this with Benji as you probably already know I lost both my toy poodles within 6 months of each other. Rusty was diagnosed with a growth near his liver last May 2018 which we could have had biopsies done on but after discussing with our vet we decided that as he was 13 and a half and definitely in pain which he hadn’t been the week before when I took him to the vets because he wasn’t eating it was not fair on him so we let him go there and then.

    Pepe had been poorly on and off since late 2016 when he was diagnosed with a problem with his white blood cells which was treated for several weeks with antibiotics then early 2017 he was diagnosed with anaemia again treated with steroids for 10 months then after that he was diagnosed in January 2018 with cataracts and glaucoma so he lost virtually all if not all his sight and like you we let him sleep in the bedroom with us until we lost him in November 2018 to kidney disease. Sorry for all the details but I thought it might help you to know when the time was right as I don’t feel guilty about keeping Pepe going so long because he was obviously quite happy and enjoyed 3 holidays in the uk with us last year even though we had to carry him quite a bit because of his eyesight. Pepe started not eating much in the last two weeks and the vet prescribed appetite stimulants which worked a bit but then he would only eat a very small amount and that was food I cooked for him to tempt him, so we made the heartbreaking decision to let him go he was 12 and 4 months. I think you will make that decision when the time is right so please don’t feel guilty you know Benji best.
     
    Veronica Chapman likes this.
  13. Jackie C

    Jackie C Cat slave

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    I'm very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Kai, Kerry. Animals do deteriorate very quickly, and as it happens so fast, we just can't prepare ourselves. People on the forum understand your pain, as most of us have gone through it ourselves, and understand the pain in immense and can be overwhelming. Kai will always be in your heart, remember the love you shared and the joy he gave you.
     
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  14. KerryT72

    KerryT72 PetForums Newbie

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    How are you today Veronica? I was in the middle of replying to you yesterday when my stepson called to say he'd been in an RTA - thankfully no injuries. I just wanted to say that you sound like you have nothing but Love for Benji. Their window of life may be short, but if it's a life lived with a loving family, active and filled to the brim with doing what they like to do, who's to say that it's not a fuller life than ours? Listen to your heart - you'll know when the time comes x
     
  15. Veronica Chapman

    Veronica Chapman PetForums Junior

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    Thank you for thinking of Benji and I. I am relieved that your son was not injured in his RTA. Hope his car is repairable and not too costly.
    You know, there are some fabulous folks on this Forum that have sent me messages. It's so comforting and help ease some of the pain in making decisions on Benji's life.
    The SC Femotidine and oral Carenia tablets have made such a difference to Benji. He appears to have another lease of life in the last two days. He is eating and drinking well, peeling albeit off tray a number of times but still, not so forthcoming with his poop though. I am giving him lactulose on a regular basis now.
    The Vet has explained that his abdominal space has been taken up by the cysts and because of his CKD, the fluid in the cysts are not excreted as fast as being made. It will be his third drainage if his condition remains as stable as now. How can we not give him more time with us? He is chirpy, loud as usual and more alert at the moment. He seems quite happy and missing my husband. He is rolling on his slippers and will be so chuffed to see that tomorrow.
    Thank you again for your support despite your own pain and missing Kai.
     
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