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Aussie invasion

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Waterlily, May 21, 2010.


  1. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    In the form of jokes Lol :lol: :lol: please dont yell at me I am allowed to take the pee outta em I am one :cool:





    What's the difference between Aussies and pigs?

    Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they drink.


    What's the difference between an Australian and a computer?

    You only have to punch information into a computer once.


    Why do birds fly upside down over Australia?

    It's not worth shitting on.


    Why was the Christ child not born in Australia?

    You'd have a job finding three wise men, much less a virgin!!


    What do you call a field full of Australians?

    A vacant lot.


    An Englishman, an Irishman, an Australian and a New Zealander were in a plane, getting ready to make their first parachute jump. The Englishman's exit was spectacular; he leapt out of the plane with the cry "I am doing this for my country.....". The Irishman leapt out immediately afterwards, calling out the same words. Then the New Zealander ripped the parachute off the Australian, pushed him out of the plane and cried "I'm doing this for my country.....".


    What do you call an Aussie with half a brain?

    Gifted.


    If Santa Claus, a smart Aussie and a dumb blonde were in a room, and you tossed in a hundred dollar note, who would grab it first?

    The blonde - the other two don't exist.


    How many Aussies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

    Ten. One to make the batter, and nine to peel the Smarties
     
    Ladywiccana and (deleted member) like this.
  2. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    What does an Australian girl use for protection during sex?

    A bus shelter.


    There's a Japanese firm that has developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast it can actually catch an Aussie with his mouth shut.

    An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk". The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"

    Did you hear about the Aussie who had a brain transplant?

    The brain rejected him a week later.
     
    Mum2Alfie likes this.
  3. Zaros

    Zaros Pet Forums, P/resident Evil

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    Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oy Oy Oy! ;)

    The Choc chip cookies/Smarties was an absolute ripper!

    It's a human fact of life whether they be mentally or physically handicapped, black, white, yellow, red, rich, poor intellectually or cosmetically challenged, young or old, terminally ill, weight encumbered or emaciated, comedy does not discriminate and has always been at the expense of some poor unfortunate!

    Just don't start on me! :mad: ;) :lol:
     
  4. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    hahaha :lol: yeah I dont mind been laughed at as long as its for a laugh not a dig :p
     
  5. Zaros

    Zaros Pet Forums, P/resident Evil

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    So tell me something is the following comedy or sarcasm;

    How many PF members does it take to walk a dog?
    About 50. 49 to discuss the correct method of fitting the collar and lead and one to open the door and let it out before it cocks it leg up against the new sofa! :confused1:
     
    metame likes this.
  6. rona

    rona Guest

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Is it that bad? :scared: :lol:
     
  7. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    OMG there were funny, :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: rep for them.

    Bugger I got to spread it first, I owe you one ok.
     
    #7 xxwelshcrazyxx, May 21, 2010
    Last edited: May 21, 2010
  8. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    haha could be sarcasm :lol: or could be true :cool:

    judging by the amount of sites mocking us yobbos I guess it must be :thumbup: :lol: :lol:

    Lol ok :( make sure ya do ;) :lol: :lol: :lol: just kidding :p :mad: :D
     
  9. metame

    metame PetForums VIP

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    i wanna be an aussie!
     
  10. vet-2-b

    vet-2-b PetForums VIP

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    I like the one about the english man, irish man , newzland man and aussie man lol i was talking to my friend whos from newzland and I said her acsent was abit Australien wow big mastake lol
     
    #10 vet-2-b, May 21, 2010
    Last edited: May 21, 2010
  11. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    haha yeah totally diff :lol: :lol: ours is umm kinda uneducated sounding :001_cool: ;)
     
  12. kittykat

    kittykat PetForums VIP

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    :lol: :lol: :thumbup: I'd swop places with ya ;) :thumbup:
     
  13. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    well onya bike umm plane :arf: :lol:
     
  14. kittykat

    kittykat PetForums VIP

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    now you know I WOULD :thumbup: stop teasing :rolleyes:
     
  15. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    haha yeah i'm the gutless one :eek: :lol:
     
  16. kittykat

    kittykat PetForums VIP

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    nah you're not! I'd be scared sh*tless too :eek6: :eek6: its a long time to go without a fag :eek:
     
  17. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    haha yeah but ya can have booze ;) :lol: :lol:
     
  18. vet-2-b

    vet-2-b PetForums VIP

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    lol i meant to say austrlien or something on those lines lol i swear my dyslexier gets worse when im ill :D :lol:
     
  19. kittykat

    kittykat PetForums VIP

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    :thumbup: ok I'm sold :thumbup: just have to stick on a nicotine patch :D
     
  20. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    If ya like me when boozing ya would need a few patches on to match the chain smoking :p
     
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