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At my wits end!!

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by Mitz&Nasa, Oct 19, 2020.


  1. Mitz&Nasa

    Mitz&Nasa PetForums Newbie

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    Hi guys,
    I hope everyone and all their little fur buddies are well!:)

    Apologies in advance for the long post, but I just don’t know what to do.
    Nasa’s (3 1/2 month old male) behaviour towards Mitzee (3 yr female) is literally driving me to a nervous breakdown:(

    If I had to choose one word to describe Nasa it would probably be ‘mental’!:D He has boundless energy, is in to everything and is just generally a pest. I can handle all of that as I know its just normal kitten behaviour and it doesn’t bother me. What I’m struggling with is his complete and utter fixation on Mitzee (3 yr old female) :Banghead

    We’ve had him around 5 weeks now and Mitzee has been so good with accepting him that they could happily co habit if he wasn’t so obsessed with her. She is not bothered by him being here, will eat in the same room and even has a little nose tap or bottom sniff with him when she comes in! I have absolutely no worries about her around him and would feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised with him if he wasn’t such a pain.
    He is so obsessed with her that it’s making things really difficult now. I know his chasing and pouncing it mostly just the fact that he’s a kitten and wants her to play but it is constant! :Banghead
    I’ve tried all the usual things to distract him but nothing seems to work. Playing with him to tire him out doesn’t work as, even after a full blown 45 minute play session and him falling asleep, the minute he hears the door or window when she comes in he gets straight up and starts on her. If they are in the same room and she walks to the other side of the room he will even follow her! I try to distract him with play but when she is around he just wants to chase and jump on her.
    She is really quite tolerant of him and will usually just give him a swat but as he’s getting bigger he is now fully trying to pounce on her and generally just being rough. She’s starting to get nervous of him again and running, which then just encourages him to chase more! I’m really concerned that this is heading in the wrong direction and we are going to be getting proper fights erupting soon as her growling and hissing has really started to ramp up now when he does it:(
    I do separate him from her to give her some peace but because of the lay out of our house it means one cat has to be shut away in one room as I can’t separate the upstairs from the downstairs.
    I will be getting him neutered as soon as he is big/old enough but I don’t think that’s going to do much to be honest.

    Does this get better with time? Can anyone think of anything that I might be able to try to help ease his obsession with her?
    If he was a human he would definitely have gotten a restraining order by now!!:Woot

    Again, sorry for the long post! Here is a picture of them sleeping to make up for it!

    F452D67E-9B26-4554-83A9-0EFCDAD05C4D.jpeg
    (Apologies for my daughters unmade bed. She’s a teenager and It seems to permanently live in that state!)
     
  2. chillminx

    chillminx PetForums VIP

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    @Mitz&Nasa - it's lovely that Mitzee has been so patient and accepting with Nasa and a real shame if her tolerance is being eroded by Nasa's obsession with her and his refusal to respect her boundaries or give her any peace.

    The easiest solution would be to adopt another kitten of Nasa's age as a playmate for him. This would take a lot of pressure off Mitzee. I don't know if there are many kittens around now in the Rescues, as it is nearly the end of kitten season. And you would have to get a kitten that was bold and confident enough to cope with Nasa.

    If another kitten is not a viable option then I think finding a way of giving Mitzee her own sanctuary should be a priority, somewhere to go to which Nasa can't access - a space she can access of her own free will, when she chooses,

    The easiest solution would be to allocate some indoor space to her and as you have only one room that can be isolated from the rest of the house you could make that room Mitzee's sanctuary. It would involve fitting a microchip flap to the door, so she has access but Nasa does not. If you are in rented accommodation and can't make a hole in the landlord's door, buy a cheap internal door from a DIY store, swap it with the usual door (store the original door safely) and fit the cat flap in the temporary door.

    Otherwise my suggestion would be to build an outdoor wooden cat enclosure, heated for the winter, and equipped with cosy beds and cat trees which Mitzee can access through a chipped cat flap on the back door or ground floor window during the daytime, when she chooses. But Nasa would have no access to it until he is older and has calmed down.
     
    ewelsh likes this.
  3. Paul Sathir

    Paul Sathir PetForums Junior

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    I can really empathise with you having just took in a 5 year old sweet very timid and very small girl only around 2.6kg, i saw being advertised in social media for free, I did not even want another cat.. but was worried where she would end up ! my current cat/ kitten just hit 12 month old and is a big girl, almost 5kg and she is completely obsessed, And is constantly harassing the smaller cat.

    She will pin her and bite her neck every chance she gets, the only place she won’t do this is when they go under the bed, or when they are eating(food being the good motivation it is) when they go under the bed they even sleep in one of the draws inch’s away from one another.

    I have to have separate play times, and I’m constantly chasing them around when they not in separate rooms, I’ve even tried doing some timeouts for my kitten no effect whatsoever, tried playing to the point that she is almost falling asleep.. no go reintroduced them twice.. nada my only saving grace is she’s getting abit older and time may help,

    I’ve spent almost 600 pound on very large cat trees, It seems to help as the smaller cat is a lot faster and a better jumper and gains massive confidence when she is higher up, I’ll also be purchasing some cat shelves in areas she gets jumped the most so she can get around without even touching the floor, hoping this helps.

    So if you manage to find the magic pill to fight against nutcase kittens I’ll be watching this thread, But until then as was mentioned just try give you’re other cat some escape routes, safe havens as it where.

    My kitten tends to give up when my smaller cat has the height advantage smaller cat even gets a little playful at times when she’s higher up and even my large cat is not silly enough to try jump the smaller cat when she’s lower down or she will get a few left hooks!
     
    #3 Paul Sathir, Oct 20, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2020
  4. Paul Sathir

    Paul Sathir PetForums Junior

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    Few pictures of them in the cat trees they seem a lot better in them than when they are in the ground
     

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  5. Mitz&Nasa

    Mitz&Nasa PetForums Newbie

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    @chillminx @Paul Sathir
    Apologies for the delay in replying.

    Thank you both so much for your replies and ideas. I thought I’d give you a little update as we have tried implementing some different things this week after your helpful advice and (fingers crossed) so far we seem to be having a better week as far as Nasa being a pain!

    We have now designated my daughters bedroom as a Nasa free zone as this is the place that Mitzee prefers to hang out. He is no longer allowed in there and as the week has gone on he seems to be (gradually) learning that it is her space and he’s definitely becoming slightly less obsessed with her! My daughter went downstairs for something the other night and left her bedroom door open so I went to check that Nasa hadn’t gotten in and disturbed Mitzee and as I got there I spotted him walk into the room and see Mitzee asleep on the bed so he just turned around and walked back out and started playing with a toy outside the door!! I’d never seen him just walk away from her before!

    We have now gone into playtime overdrive in this house!:D We would always play with him anyway but now we are almost taking ‘shifts’ to make sure that has a constant source of entertainment and never needs to look for something/someone (Mitzee!) to chase or play with.

    We do have various cat trees and shelves but Mitzee has never been a climber so even though she has higher spaces to escape, if he does chase her, she never uses them and always chooses to run away and hide behind or under something. I’ve moved some furniture around to try and eliminate the ‘pinch points’ in the house or any place that he can get above her and that also seems to have helped. Most of my dining room chairs are currently living in the cupboard under the stairs!

    We still have a way to go and I know it won’t all be smooth sailing but everyone, especially the cats, definitely seems to be feeling a little more mellow this week so its been a positive week.

    I know the adjustment won’t have been easy for Mitzee but I definitely believe it has had some positive effects on her. She has always been pretty solitary (and a tad grumpy!) ever since she was a kitten. She would want to spend most of her time outside and just generally wasn’t interested in being social or playing. Since we’ve had Nasa she has really come out of her shell. She’s been playing a little bit, hanging out in the living room with us and spending alot of her time indoors now. She has never really liked to be touched or stroked, even as a kitten, and this week she has allowed me to stroke her briefly a few times! That’s huge for her!!

    So, thanks again for you help and advice. Owning cats can be stressful at times but they are definitely worth it:)
     
    Lurcherlad and chillminx like this.
  6. chillminx

    chillminx PetForums VIP

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    @Mitz&Nasa - thank you for the update. :)

    I am very pleased to hear things are going better, that Mitzee is happier and Nasa is learning to leave her alone when she is in her safe space in your daughter's bedroom. Excellent !

    Also pleased to hear that Mitzee has become more sociable with you since the arrival of Nasa. x

    Upping the playtime for Nasa is great - it will be just what he needs!

    I hope things continue to go well, do please update us when you can. :)
     
  7. JillEB

    JillEB PetForums Junior

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    Hi, can I ask how you taught Nasa not to go in your daughter's room? That sounds like it might be helpful for us at the moment.
     
  8. Chaddycat

    Chaddycat PetForums Senior

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    Sounds like my Rue and Chadwick. Rue has really tested Chadwicks patience with the persistent playing and pouncing on him. I've just bought some diffusers and hope it helps.
     
  9. Mitz&Nasa

    Mitz&Nasa PetForums Newbie

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    @JillEB To be honest it is mostly being done by watching him like a hawk whenever Mitzee is in to ensure he doesn’t attempt to make a nuisance of himself!

    Whenever she chooses to take herself off to her quiet space my daughter will just remove him from the room (it’s her bedroom) whenever he attempts to come in and encourage him to play with her or someone else elsewhere in the house and we still keep them separated when we are not home.

    Mitzee is pretty tolerant of him and will happily sit there whilst he zooms about around her and will occasionally tap him (playfully) as he runs past but she will only take him trying to play/pounce on her so much. He doesn’t always take the hint so if she has hissed at him (this is our indication that she has had enough) and he doesn’t take note and tries to go back for more or we can see he is about to chase her we intervene and remove him.
    As I said in my update, we have also moved some furniture so that he doesn’t have places (like the dining room chairs) that he can get above her and pounce or reach down to her. The first day we removed the chairs you could literally see him wondering around the table looking for them as a way to get above her! Taking away his opportunities for a sneak atttack has definitely helped as he isn’t quite so persistent when he has to face her head on where she can see him!

    It’s still not perfect and he can still be a right pain at times but these changes have definitely made some improvement so hopefully things we keep getting better.
     
    chillminx and JillEB like this.
  10. Mitz&Nasa

    Mitz&Nasa PetForums Newbie

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    @chillminx
    716CEB44-C830-4A33-9DC8-8D2D951B152A.jpeg
    All calm in our house today!!
    Nasa (the little black blob on the right!) has fallen asleep and Mitzee is just hanging out.
     
    chillminx and ebonycat like this.
  11. Chaddycat

    Chaddycat PetForums Senior

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    Chadwick praying for the strength to keep his patience for another day ;) 20201024_171552.jpg
     
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  12. Mitz&Nasa

    Mitz&Nasa PetForums Newbie

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    @Chaddycat They are so lovely!
    Their colourings are pretty similar to Mitz and Nasa.
     
  13. Chaddycat

    Chaddycat PetForums Senior

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    They are ;) my preaious Bubbas x
     
  14. JillEB

    JillEB PetForums Junior

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    Thanks @Mitz&Nasa it's useful to know what's working for others. We've taken on a very energetic 18 month - 2 year old cat and my resident 11 year old male and female are finding his youthful enthusiasm a little wearing! And new cat is quite happy to play by himself and ignore them. My resident female spends a lot of time asleep on our bed during the day so your post made me think we could attempt to preserve that as her space.
     
  15. Paul Sathir

    Paul Sathir PetForums Junior

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    My 2 are still no further ahead even considered refining the smaller cat but I’m far too attached to her she is so loving but my other cat is beyond obsessed I’m not sure if it’s a dominance thing or just playing or aggression I’ve never had 2 cats but the new cat I took in is simply not safe on the ground unless I’m playing with the other cat or she is instantly pinned down and neck gets bitten driving me a little nuts tbh constantly chasing them round
     
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