Welcome to PetForums

Join thousands of other pet owners and pet lovers on the UK's most popular and friendly pet community and discussion forum.

Sign Up

Are people less reliable these days?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Sairy, Jul 9, 2017.


  1. Sairy

    Sairy PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    6,013
    Likes Received:
    18,677
    I went to a lovely wedding yesterday. The couple looked very happy and a great time was had by all who attended.

    However, on the week leading up to the wedding a number of people (who knew about it at least a year ago and had said they would be there) suddenly pulled out and said they could no longer come, for a variety of not very good reasons. The same thing happened to my OH and I on the week leading up to ours 4 years ago. A few of the reasons were genuine, which is of course understandable, but some people you could tell were just making excuses and one couple just didn't turn up on the day, despite saying they were coming.

    It really is very frustrating when you have spent such a lot of time organising something, particularly for a wedding when you are usually paying a set amount for each individual guest. When people give you very little notice as well it is very difficult to find someone else who might like to come in their place. There were a number of people who we would have liked to invite to ours, but couldn't simply because of money, so when people cancel last minute and you realise you could have invited them after all it is very annoying.

    I notice a similar thing whenever I organise a birthday party. It's starts off with the majority of people I invite and then one by one (usually within 48 hours of the party) they will tell me they are not coming. My OH has some notoriously unreliable friends and past birthday parties she has felt upset at the amount of people who have cancelled last-minute. She is 30 in October and I would have loved to have thrown her a big party, but she has asked me not to because it is so upsetting for her when people decide not to turn up.

    The thing is, I don't recall this being a problem in my teenage years. I also don't recall it being a problem for my parents when they have had parties to celebrate special birthdays. My theory is that in the past people would have had to tell you face-to-face or call you on the phone and actually speak to you to tell you that they can't come, whereas these days if someone just can't really be bothered they can just send you a quick text or tell you on Facebook that they can't come.

    What do others think? Does anyone else have this problem? For those in the older generations do you think it is more of a problem these days with technology making it so easy to communicate without having to speak to someone? Or is it just that people have busier lives?
     
  2. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2013
    Messages:
    24,045
    Likes Received:
    35,710
    I think they are and many also show a lack of manners too :(

    It is definitely easier to text someone than face to face, which hasn't helped, I'm sure.

    My DS is 20 and whilst, most of his friends are like him and don't flake on plans, one or two regularly let the group down at the last minute.
     
    cbcdesign and Sairy like this.
  3. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2013
    Messages:
    5,472
    Likes Received:
    9,929
    Hi

    I am in the older generation (now 50) and i think you're right with the text theory - it's too easy to send a quick text.

    Possibly also in days gone by, kids' birthday parties were smaller so it was proper friends invited rather than the whole class.

    You would maybe only have 8 people back to the house for games and a birthday tea. The birthday child would give out the invites (proper paper invites!) and get written slips back confirming attendance. Then the invited children would be looking forward to the party and chatting.

    These days invites are often by text and the child doesn't even know they have been invited!

    Lives are different now and people maybe have more 'acquaintance type' friends.

    I don't think people, even these days, let their best friends down at the last minute!

    It shows lack of respect and really is very rude!
     
    Happy Paws2 and Sairy like this.
  4. labradrk

    labradrk PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2012
    Messages:
    10,725
    Likes Received:
    12,914
    I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

    I'm very anti social and generally don't go to anything like a wedding or party, however I don't say "yes I'll go" and then back out at a later date. If you KNOW you aren't going that is rude. I just say I don't want to or can't go. Then is gets to a point where no one asks you anyway because they know you'll say 'no', which suits me LOL.

    Personally as well as being anti social I just can't be bothered most of the time. I'm tired on weekdays, frequently work 6 days a week + with dealing with 3 dogs by myself, don't have the energy to do anything social or that involves effort on my down time.
     
  5. Sairy

    Sairy PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    6,013
    Likes Received:
    18,677
    The upsetting thing is that some of the people who have cancelled on my OH last minute are people she has classed as close friends :(
     
  6. Sairy

    Sairy PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    6,013
    Likes Received:
    18,677
    Absolutely! I have no problem with people saying they aren't coming from the outset as you then don't factor them into your numbers when planning things and buying food etc. I also completely understand that sometimes things happen and people can no longer come. It's the last-minute half-hearted excuses that I hate.
     
    Lurcherlad likes this.
  7. labradrk

    labradrk PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2012
    Messages:
    10,725
    Likes Received:
    12,914
    Yes I'd never do that. So so rude.
     
    Sairy and Happy Paws2 like this.
  8. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2008
    Messages:
    29,075
    Likes Received:
    21,197
    I think it's a sign of the time we live in, people have got very selfish and only seem to think of themselves. I'm in my late sixties and I was brought up not to let people down, if I say yes, then yes it is, unless there's a life and death reason not to go.
     
  9. Blaise in Surrey

    Blaise in Surrey PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2014
    Messages:
    2,807
    Likes Received:
    2,510
    Something that I drummed into my daughter in childhood (she's nearly thirty now!) was that, if you have accepted an invitation, you don't then cancel it because something 'better' has come along. She still sticks to this, but many of her friends do not.....
     
  10. MiffyMoo

    MiffyMoo PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2015
    Messages:
    9,754
    Likes Received:
    15,947
    Your poor OH, how horrible to not want to celebrate a milestone birthday :(. Maybe you could surprise her by going to the pub and inviting only her Absolute closest friends who definitely won't bail. But don't tell her, so it's all the more happy for her when they turn up.

    It is really upsetting when you have flaky friends, and I absolutely agree with you, it has become so much worse since everyone got mobile phones. I remember, in the old days..., if I happened to be in a part of town where a friend worked, having to get my phone box purse out, then my address book and call them from the phone box. If they said yes, that was that, as there was absolutely no way of letting me know if they suddenly couldn't be bothered. Now you get a text 5 minutes before, telling you they have a headache
     
    Sairy and Lurcherlad like this.
  11. picaresque

    picaresque Mongrelist

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2009
    Messages:
    5,651
    Likes Received:
    10,278
    I do think society is becoming increasingly self-absorbed and this sort of thing could be another symptom of that.
     
  12. steveshanks

    steveshanks PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2015
    Messages:
    3,984
    Likes Received:
    5,666
    Let me start off with its just rude to say you are coming to a wedding and not turn up, i hate weddings and parties so will say no from the start unless i feel its something i have to go to. Maybe other people feel similar but don't want to say no.

    I heard on the radio that 31 is the magic age when parties and nightclubs etc. become a chore rather than something to look forward too, and thinking back i reckon i was within a year or 2 of that age, so it maybe they are just hitting that age. Now invite me to a paint ball party, or go-carting, or maybe a puzzle party and i'm there LOL
     
    MiffyMoo and Sairy like this.
  13. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2013
    Messages:
    5,472
    Likes Received:
    9,929
    This is true. Also what has changed these days is 'big parties with too many good looking people!'

    It used to be perfectly ok to go out (or even stay in) for an adult birthday - just a few friends for a meal and a drink.

    When you invite lots of people, you increase the chances of meeting people at the party you hardly know. Or have maybe never met before so more pressure to buy a new outfit and look fabulous! Throw in your birthday gift and prices can escalate to the point where you can't afford to go.


    Years ago before the days of the selfie you didnt need to look like you'd just stepped out of the salon to attend a party!

    I went to a wedding reception recently where most guests were in early 30s. They all looked like models!! Never remember people looking that gorgeous 30 years ago!

    ( this could be false perception as i am now 50!)


    Years ago you could just say 'cant go, skint'

    Now everyone likes to pretend they have lots of money for a night out
     
    Sairy likes this.
  14. Sairy

    Sairy PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    6,013
    Likes Received:
    18,677
    I haven't enjoyed clubbing for years, which is why I don't go, but I think a birthday party or wedding is different. I am also a fan of fun stuff such as theme parks and activities. Several years ago my OH had to have an operation on her birthday so I decided that we would go out for a meal with her three closest friends. In the end, only one of these friends turned up.
     
    MiffyMoo likes this.
  15. Sairy

    Sairy PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    6,013
    Likes Received:
    18,677
    I know what you mean, although I'm pretty sure that anyone who knows me won't feel too under pressure to look fabulous coming to a party of mine. I'm far more concerned with having a good time than how I look. Most of the people I consider my friends aren't particularly image-consious either.
     
    MiffyMoo likes this.
  16. steveshanks

    steveshanks PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2015
    Messages:
    3,984
    Likes Received:
    5,666
    Your right, i think its just that i am a very miserable git LOL, no seriously though i'd be happy if i never had to go out again (not outside, i mean socially) :)
     
  17. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2012
    Messages:
    9,935
    Likes Received:
    11,710
    My son had something similar when organising a stag evening for a good friend; he said the same as you...guys left it so late to change their minds and cancel that it was too late to replace them (it would have looked obvious if he'd emailed someone and asked if they would like to attend a stag do in two days' time that they were being invited to fill spaces). He was left out of pocket too as he'd used his own money to pay deposits etc. You're right...some people are very casual these days.
     
    #17 Calvine, Jul 9, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2017
    Sairy and MiffyMoo like this.
  18. Phoenix Rising

    Phoenix Rising PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2016
    Messages:
    1,051
    Likes Received:
    466
    I think social media has changed things too. I know of someone who had someone they thought of as a 'best friend' and they didn't even tell her they getting married face to face. They announced it on Facebook including tagging other people who had known before she mentioned it on FB, She was gutted, as though she wasn't expecting to go as the wedding was abroad and family only, she thought this person was her closest friend so thought she would have at least told her first by text or FB message before announcing it on her wall and including names of other people that already knew..it really hurt her.
     
    Sairy likes this.
  19. rottiepointerhouse

    rottiepointerhouse PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2014
    Messages:
    18,718
    Likes Received:
    29,814
    I don't know if its a technology thing, I'm in my mid 50's and don't doing texting or facebook so if I need to cancel something I do it by phone and speak to the person. I'm another very anti social person, I just told my Mum who was trying to make me feel guilty for not agreeing to an auntie I haven't seen in years coming to visit me while on holiday in our area that all I want is to be left alone and is that really too much to ask. I know people who enjoy visiting and organising things and parties find it hard to understand. I pretty much say no to everything from the outset although I did back out of a family gathering last year which upset my Mum and my sister who was over from the US. Later this month its my Mum's 80th birthday and my sister and her family will be over again so we absolutely have to go but I'm dreading it, especially as we have to take the dogs and my Mum won't have them in her house (praying its not hot) and my OH is dreading the drive - 3 hrs each way minimum so over 6 hrs driving. I'm going to spend the next 2 weeks stressed in case he tries to back out as I won't be forgiven if I don't go. I don't know I just get the feeling everyone is so stressed these days trying to fit so much in that even if they start with good intentions for going to something they get the wobbles at the last minute which is why I find it easier to just say no in the first place.
     
    Sairy likes this.
  20. MiffyMoo

    MiffyMoo PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2015
    Messages:
    9,754
    Likes Received:
    15,947
    :(
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice