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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Lunabuma, Jun 22, 2015.
I'm on jury service and my little'un has been up all night . Please help keep me awake!
"I was in court yesterday. I can't believe I actually stood up in front of a room full of people and pleaded insanity.
Maybe I'm not cut out for jury service."
'Is this your card?' I was asked by the man holding the cards.
'No!' I replied.
'This one?' He continued.
Again I told the holder of the cards 'No!'
'What about this one?'
'It's not looking good for you is it?' said the man.
Well now, considering I'm up in court for fraud, no it bloody well isn't!'
Brian was pulled over for speeding, and as the cop approached his car, he noticed lighter fluid, matches, and torches, all in the passenger seat right next to him.
“Sir,” said the cop, motioning to the paraphernalia. “Can I ask why you have that stuff in the car? ”
“Well officer,” said Brian, “it’s quite simple, I’m a juggler in a circus and this is my equipment!”
The cop, clearly not believing him, insisted that he come over to the side of the road and juggle the torches so he can see if his story was indeed true.
Just then an elderly couple cruised by and the old man turned to his wife,
“Suzie, am I glad I finally gave up drinking! Can you believe the drinking test they are giving now?!”
My racing snail is not winning races anymore.
I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic.
It didn’t work.
If anything it’s made him more sluggish.
I went to the zoo the other day but there was only one animal there....it was a shih tzu