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Any breakup words of wisdom?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by GoldenShadow, Jul 12, 2009.


  1. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

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    Had a row with my boyfriend last night, we weren't talking for a few days and he took two girls to a uni open day over 3 hours away. He didn't tell me when we started talking again I heard it from someone else, and so I was quite miffed.

    He's now decided he doesn't know whether or not he loves me anymore because I take everything to extremes and he doesn't want a relationship right now. His dad has cancer and I think he is very worried about him and his exam results/what to do next year. Last year I was a total cow to him for so long but he wouldn't let me finish it or have a break and I'm so glad he didn't, but I can't be on my own the only thing I want in the whole world are him and Rupert :(

    I know you'll think stupid break up she'll get over it but I'm in bits and hoping to god he will change his mind :( My Mum had to ring my doctor and get me an emergency prescription of diazepam :( I have to get an appt with my doctor tomorrow they are going to fit me in...

    I want to hope it will all be OK but I really don't think I can deal with it. Any words of wisdom that might help me along ?
     
    #1 GoldenShadow, Jul 12, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2009
  2. Sampuppy

    Sampuppy PetForums VIP

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    Don't really know what to say but it sounds like your mum will be supportive. Hope someone comes along with some advice for you!!! Keep your chin up (bet you really wanted to read that one!!!) x
     
  3. LostGirl

    LostGirl PetForums VIP

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    Let him know you love him, talk to him as much as he will talk.

    thats all i have really, try and keep strong let your mum support you if you want. Massive hugs.xx
     
  4. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

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    I've spoke to him on the phone and he just keeps saying there's not another girl but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. He wont even hide his relationship status on Facebook he is insistant it says 'single'.

    I know I'm a really bad person and have been awful to him but I've begged and begged and he still wont have me back :( I just don't know what to do on my own...
     
  5. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    Aww bless ya....all I can say is time is a great healer and whilst right now u may think you will never get over him yu will :) it just takes a while .....and lots of tears lolxx ....but it does get easier, make sure you go out and have fun with your friends - I was like that years ago with an ex of mine and was terrified of being on my own after we split...but I had to work on those issues cos its not normal or healthy to only feel secure when you are with someone - u need to feel happy with yourself above anything elsexxx
     
    #5 suzy93074, Jul 12, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2009
  6. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

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    Thanks guys :(

    I feel sick and have been when I think about actually being without him, its so stupid. I know things are meant to get better in time but things haven't got better with other issues ever since I was 12, I'm still hoping they will but its just getting worse and worse.

    You know they say karma gets people who are bad etc, I can't help but think I've got to be such an awful person for all this to happen. I know break ups are normal but what else has happened and the fact I can't deal with it.

    I don't expect replies this is why I was pushed out of another forum, people think I attention seek.
     
  7. kath123

    kath123 Guest

    You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You may not think it now but you will get over him in time.

    And i would not suggest taking pills though to get over a man.

    xxxx
     
  8. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

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    Its not like that with the pills, I have anxiety problems anyway and had just come off some medication but my doctor thinks I need to go back on tablets for the time being, its not like I've been dumped and can't handle it, its brought out a lot of other things hidden in the woodwork and I can't deal with all of them, I know its a cop out :(
     
  9. charlie9009

    charlie9009 PetForums Senior

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    I am a great believer that you have to be happy on your own before you can be happy with anyone else!

    When I was 15 I got together with my first boyfriend, and I went from one to another for another 4 years or so. All of them were a waste of space, and some were very nasty. When I left the last one, that I was living with I decided that I needed to be on my own for a while. I made friends with a few people and went out and enjoyed myself. I eventually got with another boyfriend who treated me very badly but I had the strength to realise that I didn't need him, I could cope on my own and so I got rid of him.

    I am now with the best man ever, and love my life. I never thought I would be as happy as I am now, and I have been through some horrible things in my life. Trust me that things will get better and easier. You will be ok with out him. It will take time, but it will all be worth it.

    And everyone on here is always about to give suport or advice, or just to listen if/when you want to talk to someone :eek:
     
  10. Izzie999

    Izzie999 PetForums VIP

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    Ok firstly don't beg him, you are better than that, no one needs anyone that much they have to beg them to stay.

    Give him space and time to work out what he wants to do, in the meantime try and spend some time on you, try and enjoy being single for a while, if he sees you just getting on with it Im sure he will see another side to you. In the meantime you may figure out for yourself you don't need him!

    I hope you find the happiness you need, try and avoid drugs if you can, it won't help in the long run. There are plenty of folk on here to chat to if you need us. Think of things you would like to do that he never wanted you to do as a couple. Hobbies you would like to try! Who knows in six months you could be blessing the day he ended your relationship!

    Izzie
     
  11. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    Never beg someone to stay with you.
    All in all it really does sound like you need to learn to like yourself, get pen and paper and write down all the good things about you, no matter how trivial even include making the best bacon sarnie if you want if its something you can do :eek: You do not need a man in your life to be able to justify who you are you just need you and your a really nice person if others dont see that, their problem they can deal with it
     
  12. owieprone

    owieprone PetForums VIP

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    to be perfectly honest mate and in no way am i being condescending or anything but i think it would do you good to go see a counsellor and talk any problems/anxieties you have out with them.

    Normally i wouldn't suggest a head-doctor to anyone but you need someone to talk to and it's generally best if it's someone you don't know who won't judge you, let you talk without interuption and let you work it out for yourself rather than giving you ideas and suggestions that aren't appropriate for you and your situation and consellors are good at that.

    hope you figure out what's best for you soon. Remember having a bf is not what defines you.. YOU define you, you choose how you live, what you do and how you do it.. you're not weak or pathetic, you're just you... start accepting it and stop worrying about the small inconsequential things, start looking forward to being just you for a bit.
     
  13. Birdie Wife

    Birdie Wife PetForums Member

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    Quite right :) you need to love yourself before you can let other people love you. I speak from experience :blushing: it's going to be difficult to start with, but make a start by going for a long walk and having a good long think about things.
     
  14. silly gilly

    silly gilly PetForums Member

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    You sound like you have confidence issues anyway. Ive been there done it and got the teashirt, and really the best bit of advice is to be on your own and start to like yourself and find your own fullfillment. I was lucky I had good family and friends and by god you find out who your friends are. I also had dependant animals and I had to get up and care for them, bit by bit you will find yourself getting better but its not easy and you will grieve and have bad days. I know all the cliches come out now but the best one is every cloud has a silver lining youve just got to find out what it is. Try and find something you really like doing or want to try and force yourself to get out and do it. Hope things get better soon for you.
     
  15. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    Hi Tinsley

    Ok honey - men aren't worth these tears you cry for them. He might be a nice guy but to say you can't live with out him - no woman should really say that. I understand you have confidence and self esteem issues , i am the same, only not as extreme as yourself, and while i know you're heartbroken right now, it will get better with time.

    Owieprone suggests you see a counsellor to help you deal with all this - and i'm not just talking the boyfriend issue i'm talking about.

    Go get help to deal with your anxiety, and your confidence/self esteem issues. I'm sure you'll come out a better person and some day you'll find a guy who's 100% supportive about you and your issues, past or present.

    You'll find him one day i'm sure. In the meantime, give Roo a hug. At least he won't go away from you - :)
     
  16. SeaThreePeeO

    SeaThreePeeO PetForums VIP

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    So sorry to learn of your break up ((((hugs))))

    The only advice I can give is to take each day one at a time and seek out the positive things that have happened that day.
     
  17. kaz_f

    kaz_f PetForums VIP

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    Hello
    I was in your situation in January although my partner of four years left me. I felt utterly lost and completely devastated, plus I didn't have my family around me as I'd moved a long way away from them. It was really really hard and I thought that I would never get over it and never be happy again.
    I guess I just muddled through and I kept a diary every day to help me to get all of the feelings and tears out. Gradually I have found that I am writing in my diary less and less and so it seems as though I don't really need to vent feelings now. I know you probably can't see past next week (neither could I) but all I can say is that I promise it will improve for you and you'll find you're crying/dreaming about him less and less.
    In the first 3 months he could have walked back through the gate and I would have taken him back in an instant but I can honestly say that I wouldn't now and that's progress that I never thought I would make.
    I was so lonely, but my animals really helped and I've leaned on them a lot bless them.
    I hope things improve for you. If I were giving any advice it would be see your friends more, keep yourself busy, allow yourself to cry and cry until you're bored of doing it (it's good for you), spend time with your animals, keep a diary they are really theraputic, be amicable with him if you can but DON'T see him! If someone doesn't want to be with you honey they aren't worth your company - as hard as that sounds.
    Really really hope things improve for you as I can really relate to your post.
    If you need anymore deeply unhelpful platitudes let me know :wink5:
    xxxx
     
    kittykat likes this.
  18. fwj01

    fwj01 PetForums Junior

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    You aint attention seeking... After a break up it feels you are in the worst position in the world and its only you that matters. Ive been there way too many times for my age.

    All i can say is avoid being alone as much as you can, this is when you feel worst. Being alone is horrible. Especially at nights, but that is unavoidable. Be with friends and family as much as you can.. They will be supportive and take your mind off things!

    You said you were nasty with him... This tells me you werent completely happy, and he wasnt the one for you. My sister went through a similar thing. All I could say was, forget him, blank him out. Be with your friends, when you find the right person for you it just feels all right. She just said your stupid for believing in all that, theres no such thing as love, everyone will hurt you in one point of your life. Weeks later after she calmed down a bit she apologised and now feels much better!!

    Sorry for the massive post but i like helping people!!! Hope it helps :)
     
  19. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

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    Thanks guys your posts are so nice to read.

    I do have self esteem issues but tbh he helped build and improve them a bit. The reason I feel I can't be without him is because he has always been there, through court and everything when literally none of my friends wanted anything to do with me, my Dad wasn't and isn't talking to me, and my Mum isn't a listener.

    Its just such a small place where I live and I've got another 15 months odd before I can go to uni and so many people like him I know he will get another girlfriend. I just can't imagine anyone else ever being intimate or anything with him, it just upsets me so much but I can't not think about it.

    I don't want to be on my own right now either but Mum is at work tomorrow thurs and fri, and until when I go to work on Fri night its just me and Rupert. I know it probably will get better but I want to know how and how long its going to take.

    My Mum's friend counsells young people who have had cr*p in their lives and I went to see her last night, she's given me a few things to do and try to think about, things like whenever I say something negative, like thinking how much it will hurt when he gets a new girl, to also think, but I might have someone else by then too. Or yes I feel really awful being on my own, but it means I can try to work on making myself into the person I want to be. Its just so hard because I'm still on my own if you know what I mean, like no one can help me except me :(

    Sorry for the blab, I really appreciate all your posts I will reread them a few times I think. I promise I'm not an attention seeker sometimes I will post threads asking for help opinions but its because I just don't know what to do and there isn't anyone around me who I feel I can ask.

    One question, for those of you who were 'dumped', how did you get over the feeling of being so upset of him being with someone else? Did it just subside with time?
     
    #19 GoldenShadow, Jul 14, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2009
  20. Birdie Wife

    Birdie Wife PetForums Member

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    Sounds like the counsellor gave you some really excellent advice :) it might not seem like it just now, but this might be the most empowering experience you've had in a while - this needs to happen so that you can grow. You still need to go through the process, but you'll be much stronger at the other end. All the best to you hun. :)
     
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