Welcome to PetForums

Join thousands of other pet owners and pet lovers on the UK's most popular and friendly pet community and discussion forum.

Sign Up

Another should I bother with my Dad thread?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by GoldenShadow, Apr 23, 2011.


  1. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    17,496
    Likes Received:
    556
    Wish I could bloody decide :rolleyes:

    Don't like his wife, never will she really is quite cruel and I could never bring myself to have much to do with her. Not talked to Dad in over two years because we fell out partly over her.

    He's retiring in July aged 54 and probably going to live in France. Obviously I live in the UK. I wont be able to afford to go and see him, nor would I particularly want to in France really. Right now he lives somewhere around Nottingham I think but I wouldn't know where and again, if we start talking its not massively easy to go up to Nottingham and see him.

    Plus he probably wouldn't see or talk to me without his wife because he sticks to her like glue and she does my head in.

    He always said to Mum if she died first he'd commit suicide and she reckons he will commit suicide when his wife dies. She is something like 15 years older than him so about 69. He never really had many friends so I doubt he does now. He's not spoken to his own Mum for ages, doesn't really get on with his brother and his Dad died last year. So its not like he is really going to have anyone left when he does die if he's in France.

    Thing is I can't think of anything I want from him or that I can give to him. But if he committed suicide I would be very angry albeit perhaps not hugely shocked. Just very, very angry and I doubt I would forgive him for it.

    I can't decide what to do. I don't know what I'd even say to him...
     
  2. 912142

    912142 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2011
    Messages:
    4,615
    Likes Received:
    45
    Life is too short and regardless of what went on between your parents at the end of the day he is still your father. He probably feels the same as you but it just needs one of you to break the ice. Why not take it slowly with the odd phone call or email and see how it goes?

    It is better to have tried and failed than not to try at all. Regret is a terrible burden to bear. :)
     
    #2 912142, Apr 23, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2011
  3. rona

    rona Guest

    Is having contact going to do you any good?
    Also ask yourself why it is you keep having this dilemma, is it through duty or some driving force
     
  4. Savahl

    Savahl Guest

    Id say just try... my best mates dad died after 10yrs of them not talking following a family row.

    Its been 4 yrs now, and still haunts him that he died with such anger between them.
     
  5. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    17,496
    Likes Received:
    556
    I know what you mean, I just wonder if its likely to do us both more harm than good :(

    I don't know. If he were to die soon I'd probably feel less guilty if I had spoken to him but not because I've done anything wrong, probably through duty...

    I wont get anything from him I doubt, he's never really been Dad material he just doesn't seem to get it. He's really screwed up in the head and so am I, I think maybe that's the reason I'm considering it because I'm literally 100% him just female instead. I don't think he'd understand that or me or anything but I kind of feel he's the only person I'm remotely like in the whole world. And that he may at least get me to some extent when no one else does..?

    Its not like there is really any anger there at all. On my side its just disappointment and sadness because I want my Dad sort of thing but he has never really been Dad material. Its not like he doesn't try he just isn't really any good at it and I know I'll always come bottom of the pile compared to his wife.

    Could do without that sort of rejection again really :( I just feel like she is a big barrier between me and him. And that's probably how she wanted it :rolleyes:
     
  6. rona

    rona Guest

    You'll never know unless you try. Why don't you either write a letter or have a chat on the phone first and see how you both feel
     
  7. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    17,496
    Likes Received:
    556
    I'll text him, think I've got his old mobile number but don't know where he lives. Plus if I call him I will be on speaker phone :rolleyes: :eek:

    Any ideas what to say? He doesn't know what my current phone number is and I don't really have anything to say about myself. All I can think of is:

    Hi Dad, how's things?

    That's all I've got :(
     
  8. rona

    rona Guest

    Just tell him basics about yourself, uni, Rupert, poss jobs, and ask him what's happening in his life. You can say why you are contacting him too if you feel you should.
    His wife may have calmed down a bit by now and might not be such a pain
     
  9. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    I am going through the same with my sister, we have fallen out and havent spoken for over a year, i have now tried to make amends, but i don't think we will ever make it up properly, too much has been said and i feel the same that life is too short, we lost both our parents and we only have each other as no other siblings.

    But at least i know i have tried and if it doesnt work then it is her loss!! :D:D
     
  10. Gopher

    Gopher PetForums Senior

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2011
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    14
    I had a "difficult" relationship with my Dad my whole life - I found out he had cancer and I sent him an e-mail telling him no matter what's happened and what might still happen, I've always loved him VERY much.

    Sadly he lived in South Africa and I was back in the UK when he died, but he died knowing I loved him.

    I have a few regrets, I wish I'd talked to him sooner because he really had no idea how much I needed him but I didn't. It's all done and dusted now but at the end of the day I shouldn't have any regrets because I did all that I could, and no one can ask more of you.

    Do what you can, when you can - I hope your Dad takes it for what it is (you reaching out) and repays you with the love you need.

    Go for it ;)
     
  11. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2008
    Messages:
    30,356
    Likes Received:
    23,629
    You only get one Dad, if you only speak to him on the phone a few times a year at least you will still be in contact with him, would be better than nothing.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice