[LahLahsDogs]

...................

 

[Phoolf]

I think your OH is out of order and needs to control his child more and learn to accept responsibility instead of blaming it on a dog when he's been warned and should know better.

 

[terencesmum]

I'm with you. Totally irresponsible by the OH! :nono:
I'd remove the dog and make sure he's never alone with OH and the child.

 

[PennyGC]

Totally agree your OH needs to address this with Jay or your poor dog is actually going to bite him properly as he's scared in this situation :-(

 

[BessieDog]

At 9 he's old enough to understand - if he was younger it would be different. If he got bitten he's only got himself to blame and I think your OH should be telling him that.

 

[terrierist]

Maybe your OH should watch his children more closely then

My eldest has been bitten twice by my eldest dog.....all his fault, chasing the darned dog!! I tell him the same as you.

In fact, both my children can be stupid with the dogs (only 5yrs and 2.5yrs) so if I am not there to supervise directly, the dogs are put away...for their safety aswell as the kids' safety.

 

[Pixie2010]

A 9 year old should be able to understand and follow basic instructions. Definitely reasonable on your part!

 

[rona]

I think you need to both calm down and join forces in a concerted effort to get through to the children.
A bit of positive training wouldn't go amiss with Jay, rather than shouting at him :hand:

 

[Muze]

Think you're absolutely in the right.

Your OH needs to really have a serious talk with his son, at 9 he's well old enough to learn how to behave correctly around animals.

 

[LauraJane9]

Not unreasonable at all! I have a very naughty nephew who winds Sully up, he has even scared Sully and Sully isn't scared of anything! Luckily Sully is still very good with him but I would just tell my nephew "serves your right" if Sully ever did bite him, my nephew is being naughty and he knows it but won't stop.

 

[Guest]

At 9 he's old enough to understand - if he was younger it would be different. If he got bitten he's only got himself to blame and I think your OH should be telling him that.

Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[GingerRogers]

Not unreasonable but probably not going to get anywhere by being indignant and blameful, the child is definitely old enough to know better and control himself and if he has been told already then he does only have himself to blame but pointing it out probably wont work with OH. Did he even bite him, I have known kids say that when dogs run past them and touch them, my niece used to do the same when Rory brushed past her then squeal at the top her voice, like thats the way to not get bit :

Probably need to be all sympathetic not leave them alone together, at least for a while till you can be sure he has learnt his lesson, and make sure your OH tells the brat to calm down when he is doing stuff like that !

 

[Miss.PuddyCat]

I can kind of see where you other half is coming from, I mean his child is saying the dog bit him and is crying. Id be pretty upset to.

I think you need to approach this calmly, kids have bad days just as well as adults take a breather and then try and nit together a plan.

Maybe have a play time where the kids can play with him in a safe environment where both of them get a positive outcome?

 

[Sarah+Hammies]

Children shouldn't be unsupervised with dogs. If your OH was supervising them then this shouldn't have been able to have happened and he should have diffused the situation. I would be annoyed with your OH and would also be teaching Jay how to behave around dogs. It's hard not to yell at children at times but they learn in a similar way to dogs so a positive approach would go a long way.

ETA: 9 is old enough to understand that actions have a consequence but as I said above, a positive approach would be better than to just lay blame.

 

[Phoolf]

Thanks everyone.. I was pretty sure I was saying the right things, but I was starting to doubt myself. I feel like i'm constantly having to drum this into his head, and starting to make myself really unpleasent, and I hate that. Sometimes I feel like taking Rufus away completely as he gets wound up so much and it's not doing him any good. I love my OH and I don't want to have to do that, but I feel like i'm fighting a losing battle and it's starting to feel like me & Rufus Vs my OH and his kids.

90% of the time, everything is fine, but then there's times like this when it all kicks off and I know i'm right, but my OH sticks up for the kids. What am I supposed to do?..

Honestly I don't think you're to blame here, I can't comprehend why your OH is siding with a child over an adult, I know my OH certainly wouldn't be.

 

[BoredomBusters]

Not unreasonable for thinking it, I would have thought a lot worse, but kids are like dogs, it's easier to retrain them to do something right, than badger on about what they've done wrong (even if you get that 'yet again' feeling). I always tell owners having different rules for dogs is the quickest way to cause conflict for everyone, sounds like OH has different rules from you if he was with them both and did nothing to intervene.

Maybe keep your dogs with you when the little brat, ahem, sorry, your stepson is not under your eye.

If an owner isn't getting something I'm telling them, I try telling them different ways until I've finally got it to click in the owners head. Try that with the boy?

 

[Sarah+Hammies]

Thanks everyone.. I was pretty sure I was saying the right things, but I was starting to doubt myself. I feel like i'm constantly having to drum this into his head, and starting to make myself really unpleasent, and I hate that. Sometimes I feel like taking Rufus away completely as he gets wound up so much and it's not doing him any good. I love my OH and I don't want to have to do that, but I feel like i'm fighting a losing battle and it's starting to feel like me & Rufus Vs my OH and his kids.

90% of the time, everything is fine, but then there's times like this when it all kicks off and I know i'm right, but my OH sticks up for the kids. What am I supposed to do?..

I'm quite surprised that he is siding with a child over you but maybe he feels like no one else will stand up for them?? Other peoples children almost always make relationships difficult. In your position I would completely stand my ground and expect OH to help do some 'teaching' with the kids on how to behave responsibly around animals.

 

[Helbo]

If the child chases and corners the dog, then you can't blame the dog for trying to get out of such an uncomfortable situation.

But if the dogs nips the child trying to get something that isnt theres from them, then that's more the dogs fault in my opinion. No matter how exciting the child is making the object look, dogs shouldnt take without their "take it" command.

It's easier said than done teaching a dog and a child how to live together.

 

[BoredomBusters]

When the kids are over and they're in a particularly silly mood, I do keep Rufus with me, as it's asking for trouble. Usually Rufus stays with me in the basement while i'm working, but sometimes I let him out to spend time with my OH and the kids because he likes to see them and I don't want him to feel like he has to be by my side.. But if i'm not watching him with the kids it ends in tears. I should just keep him with me when the kids are over and avoid all this.

Maybe you could schedule some time to do something productive with them all, so the boy learns some good things to do with Rufus? Simple tricks, out for a walk get him working on recall so he can call Rufus back to him if he does pinch something? Sorry probably things you've already thought of, but maybe he wants to play with Rufus, but genuinely doesn't know how yet?

I had a friend who's partner would ALWAYS side with his daughter, and for a long time wouldn't allow her to tell the girl off, even if he had left them alone together while he was working! Some men can be a little .... challenging.

 

[BoredomBusters]

Tried that.. lasts for a few days and then back to normal. I've tried encouraging it, but there's other things that they'd prefer to do instead. Even little things, I asked if they'd like to come to the woods for a walk this morning, but they didn't want to as they wanted to watch a movie. If they were my kids I wouldn't give them the option and just tell them that's what we're doing, but don't feel I can do that with them. I should probably grow some balls.

It's a position I've never been in - stepkids - but I know my son never wants to do anything, until I make him, then he has a good time. Not sure if this is a boy thing?!