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Alcoholics

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by CharleyRogan, May 7, 2011.


  1. CharleyRogan

    CharleyRogan PetForums VIP

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    Do they ever get over it? Just I have seen a nice outing, its wine tasting and a meal for dead cheap. I haven't got my mum anything for mothers day as I was skint

    BUT she was an alcoholic for years and is now clean and doesn't drink now as far as I know, will this set it off again? I haven't got much money and I think this would be really fun and a nice day out, but I'm nervous. I want to see my mum drink and be able to control it. That would mean more to me than her stopping completely, that prob sounds weird but to me that would mean she can do it normally and would mean she had really got over it.

    This is probably a stupid question!! And you will prob all say no! haha Guess I want her to be normal!
     
  2. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

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    The way you say you want to see her drink and be able to control it, I think many are incapable of that and it should be entirely up to your Mum whether she decides to go or not. Imagine her back as an alcoholic, is the chance of her enjoying this day out worth the risk of putting everything she has worked for at risk?

    Many alcoholics can't even give up, if my Dad was ever able to I would never even mention the word alcohol for fear of planting the idea in his head but that's because it will probably finish him off, I don't know your Mum to judge but do know my Dad.
     
  3. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    I think it's too much of a risk :( I've seen lovely people off the drink for 20+ years and one sip that 'should be ok' has set them back to square one. Alcoholics have addictive personalities, they cannot help it and it takes a hell of a lot of willpower to stop when they have the taste for it. I wouldn't risk it, sorry :( If you are an alcoholic, you are always an alcoholic. :(
     
  4. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    Some people drink to forget their problems but, sort out the problems, and the drinking stops.

    For other people however, the alcohol IS an addiction and they can never even have 'just a sip' as this can risk their recovery.

    I have a family member whom we thought was an alcoholic. However, when they went to AA to sort themselves out, it became apparent VERY quickly that they were in the wrong place.

    They now know that their drinking was the first option I stated and they now drink very responsibly.

    If your mum IS a total & true alcoholic, then she cannot ever have another drink again. Even wine tasting where you spit the wine out again (or supposed to....) is too risky.

    Sorry hun. :(
     
  5. Tanya1989

    Tanya1989 PetForums VIP

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    I think its down to the individual. My cousin was an alcoholic (recovering alcoholic) but he can drink, and even get drunk (like a non alcoholic) without falling back into a daily drink (or even binges).
    But on the other end of the spectrum, a friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic, but cannot touch a drop because he knows it will start him off again.
     
  6. Irish Setter Gal

    Irish Setter Gal PetForums Senior

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    Don't insult your mother, this is something that you think would be nice for her to do, bit like offering a peanut to somebody you know has a nut allergy.

    Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic - just some manage not to drink.

    Please don't insult her efforts to stay clean.
     
  7. Eroswoof

    Eroswoof Guest

    I was an alcoholic, I had to go into rehab and it was absolutely horrific. Easily the worst time of my life, worse than having chemotherapy.

    I can drink again now but I'd never ever risk putting anyone else in that position.
    Get her something else Charley, it's too much of a gamble


    xxxx
     
  8. paddyjulie

    paddyjulie PetForums VIP

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    i would say no Charley...not worth it ...she may feel obliged because you bought her it, but not really want to......buy her some flowers instead xxx
     
  9. classixuk

    classixuk PetForums VIP

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    The thought is lovely, but I'd ignore the Groupon if I am honest.

    It's like inviting an ex-smoker to a cigar tasting event.

    Ask yourself...."Is it likely to help them or test them?"

    If it's the latter, I would steer clear.

    xx
     
  10. swarthy

    swarthy PetForums VIP

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    It's certainly not something I would do.

    Alcoholism can be both a physical and psychological dependency - some people start relying on booze to give them confidence, or to forget their troubles - some stop before it gets out of hand, others go on to become alcoholics.

    It often takes a lot for alcoholics to admit they have a problem - until they do this, they will not stop.

    It takes a HUGE amount of effort for someone to wean themselves off any addictive drug, whether it be alcohol, nicotine, heroin or one of many other drugs - to put temptation in the way of someone who has made that effort and commitment would be very wrong on all levels.

    From what I've seen, a lot of people think they can 'just handle having the one' - but life is never so simple - and all the nice feelings originally associated with the alcohol are quite likely to return very rapidly.

    Having said all that - surely there would be soft drinks available? many people don't drink out of choice but still go to places where alcohol is served - it's pretty much an unavoidable fact of life for tee-totallers and former alcoholics.

    I don't drink - but often have to participate in events where alcohol is the main 'feature' - but there are always soft drinks available.
     
  11. MissShelley

    MissShelley PetForums VIP

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    I'm sorry, but I agree with those that have said it's far too risky and very unfair to put your Mum in that position.

    My father in law was an alcoholic for years until he got really poorly and the docs told him he can never drink again, as more would kill him. That was 10 years ago, he hasn't touched it since!
     
  12. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    Rather than the wine-tasting thing, is there anything else you have seen that be a better alternative.

    I was wondering how you might feel about perhaps doing a evening class course together where you could both learn a new skill - maybe baking or a new language, or even belly dancing for example. A lot of schools & collages offer some courses really cheaply. You could perhaps pay for a whole course if it was cheap enough or half of one or the first couple of classes - whatever fits your purse best.

    I'm sure your mum would love the chance to share something like this with you and would consider having this time with you to be the best Mothers Day gift ever.

    This is only a suggestion and I hope you are not too horrified by the idea of spending this much time with your mum. :D
     
  13. shibby

    shibby PetForums VIP

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    Skip the wine tasting and take her for a meal in the daytime to somewhere that does not serve alcoholic drinks, perhaps? Or somewhere not as focused on alcohol. Unfortunately I have a lot of personal experience with people who are alcohol dependent and it is awful when it is close loved ones. In a lot of circumstances you do have to accept that you can't just take them to social events where drinking is involved as it's not as straightforward as that. But there are plenty of other things to do together.

    Whilst I do disagree with notion 'once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic', some people are likely to remain alcohol dependent without ever quitting and for others, the only way to manage it is to avoid it completely. There are people who do conquer their alcohol dependency and can have it in moderation, but I'm sure it is still a concern to them that if they hit a rocky patch they may start again. If your mum can only manage it by avoiding it completely, then that is the way she needs to cope with it and has done well to get herself clean.
     
  14. lifeizsweet

    lifeizsweet PetForums VIP

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    My dad is/was an alcoholic - not something i think you ever recover from (he went to rehab with jack osbourne!) I would never EVER get him anything alcohol related, he can go to the pub and drink orange juice and lemonade (alcholic drink btw!)

    I avoid alcohol when it comes to my dad. He might be fine now but he will NEVER get over alcoholism and temptation is NOT fair on him i would never put in him that position. EVER
     
  15. CharleyRogan

    CharleyRogan PetForums VIP

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    Just as I thought! Thanks guys :D :D You just reinforced what I was thinking!

    I suppose what it is, I just want her to be normal, to be able to go out with her on a night out, to share a bottle of wine with her and have girly evenings. Its selfish of me, as I know what she has been through and the problems that it has caused.

    If it wasn't for my little brother she probably would still be. She was told if she didn't stop her baby would die and that's when she admitted she had a problem. 3 years its been now and I am building my relationship up with her and she has a cheeky little boy who was born at 13lbs! :)
     
  16. lifeizsweet

    lifeizsweet PetForums VIP

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    I told my dad i wanted him to be the one who walked be down the aisle...that trigged him realised he needed help.

    My OH would LOVE to take my dad to the pub and have 'bloke' time with him, but appreciates it will never happen....their relationship suffers as a result, they've no common medium... but he has respect for my dad for overcoming everthing which in it's own way makes them close.

    i totally understand what you mean by wanting them to be normal, but sadly it will never happen :( i worry about my reception because alcohol will be free flowing there....
     
  17. GoldenShadow

    GoldenShadow PetForums VIP

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    Just be proud she has stopped :)

    My dad smokes and drinks way too much, when I was younger I told him I'd smoke and drink what he did ten fold when I grew up and he laughed and said fine just make sure you buy it yourself :( he won't even admit he has a problem. It's not like he's as bad as people off Jeremy Kyle but is alcohol dependent. Sometimes he'd go a couple days and be all 'yeah I'm gonna go til Wednesday without just to make sure I can' and by Sunday would be like 'oh it doesn't matter I know I can do it if I want to :mad:' and pull the booze out. Luckily he's a very nice drunk, a lot nicer than when he is sober.
     
  18. swarthy

    swarthy PetForums VIP

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    Please don't take this the wrong way - but that is YOUR perception of 'normal' - I don't drink - and although my daughter no longer lives at home (partly due to personality clasH) but we have spent some fab times together - whether it be meals, car travel, the odd dog show, going with her on beach walks, staying at a hotel occasionally like before she swanned off to Australia - all these things are normal.

    My dad (god rest his soul) always used to say, the day you think you need a drink to 'enjoy yourself' or 'fit in', you are on a slippery slope - and with nearly 40 years in the police force, he was all too aware of this more than most.

    Your mum is no longer an alcoholic in as much as she no longer drinks - therefore, she is 'normal' - no different to someone like me making a conscious decision not to drink (and I've never liked wine anyway ;)) , or someone who has a non alcohol related liver problem being unabl to drink - you can still spend 'girly times' together without sharing a bottle of wine. ;)
     
  19. shibby

    shibby PetForums VIP

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    That's a really good way of looking at it :) I'm young and very rarely drink and used to always get comments like 'oh have a drink! enjoy yourself!' or people treating me like an oddball for choosing not to drink. There's a lot of teetotal people out there for various reasons and for them life without alcohol is completely 'normal' :) I also think anyone who manages to conquer their alcohol addiction has shown an immense amount of strength.
     
  20. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    When I was in my late teens & twenties, I hardly ever drank for the simple reason that I didn't like the taste of most things. I used to get really annoyed when people tried to make me have a drink. I used to counter their arguement with "If I didn't like the taste or strawberries or baked beans, you wouldn't force me to eat them so why try to force me to drink?"

    I always had the last laugh the next day when they were dog-rough with a hangover and I was as fresh as a daisy!!! :D :D :D
     
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