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Adoption - struggling

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by missye87, Apr 30, 2011.


  1. missye87

    missye87 PetForums VIP

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    Hi all,

    Sooty passed away on Thursday, so yesterday we took all of his food down to battersea, they were really grateful. We inevitably had a look around and I was allowed to snug two of their cats. I would love to adopt a cat so when Benji arrives, he can settle in but in the long run have a companion.

    However I'm struggling to come to terms with that Soots won't be his brother. I feel so racked with guilt that I couldn't do more for him, but also because I don't want to replace him. Is this normal? I would love to give an abandoned kitty a chance to a lovely life but I don't think I can cope with it yet.

    I miss him so much it hurts but I can't stand the thought of 'replacing' him :(
    X
     
  2. gloworm*mushroom

    gloworm*mushroom PetForums VIP

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    Don'r rush into getting another cat, if you are not ready.

    You are certainly not replacing him by getting another cat. But it does not hurt to wait. Cats will always be there for your to help, you need to make sure you are ready though first if you are feeling this way.
     
  3. Taylorbaby

    Taylorbaby PetForums VIP

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    *hugs* you did everything you could and you arent replacing him, no one can ever replace them, just live on in their memory, Im sure that your new boy will relly love a play friend and adopting one in sootys name would be lovely thing to do, he knows you loved him and he certainly wouldnt want you to be sad! x *big hugs*
     
  4. GreyHare

    GreyHare Guest

    I would wait a while and see how you feel, I lost my dog in 2003 and only just felt ready to have another pet (cats) 2 years ago, still don't think I'm ready for another dog yet but I know this is extreme.

    Wait a while mourn Sooty and see how you feel in a month or two, you'll know when you're ready.
     
  5. BSH

    BSH PetForums Senior

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    Really sorry to hear your sad news about Soots. I agree with the others, do not get a rescue cat until YOU feel ready. You need time to grieve and allow time to come to terms with the situation.

    Take care.
     
  6. lymorelynn

    lymorelynn UN Peacekeeper in training
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    I can only echo what everyone else has said. You'll know when you're ready and a new cat won't be replacing Sooty. ((()))
     
  7. welshjet

    welshjet PetForums VIP

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    Hiya,

    Id agree with everyone, give yourself a bit of time and you'll know when. No you will never replace him but you will find another special who neess a bit of love.

    It took me about 3 years, we only got jet on 9th march and today we picked up a friend for him - lilly.

    Xxxxx
     
  8. popoki

    popoki PetForums Member

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    missye87 I was so sad to read about Sooty, my heart goes out to you.

    You'll never replace Sooty, and you did everything you could for him. Even if you do decide to get a rescue sooner rather than later, please don't feel guilty for 'replacing' Sooty. Cats are unique with their own personalities and one doesn't necessarily replace another.

    You'll know when the time is right.

    xxx
     
  9. missye87

    missye87 PetForums VIP

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    We are going to wait, it just feels unfair that one little soul out rhere has to wait just because I don't want to 'replace' Soots. But then I can't stand the thought of getting a new little one to take care of when I'm so cut up over him. I know that no cat will ever be able to replace him but it feels like if we did adopt a kitty to keep Benji company instead of Soots, we would be disloyal and I'm not sure I could get rid of the feeling of replacing Sooty.

    I wouldn't want him to ever think that anybody could ever replace him. He was "my" first cat, or at least the first cat that picked me and only me to be his slave. I grew up with him and people used to say he was the ying to my yang as whenever there were people round he wouldn't leave my side :(
     
  10. popoki

    popoki PetForums Member

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    Aw, missye87 have a massive hug from me.

    It's never easy, when our old boy Claude was pts we never thought we'd get a cat that was a special as him. But I couldn't bear living without cats so we got two kittens, Kiki and Django. Sadly Django had to be pts after two weeks from coming home from FIP and it was just awful. We were wracked with guilt, what had we done and that it was all too soon after Claude. Both me and OH still feel terribly sad about both Claude and Django. We knew we wanted another cat as company for Kiki and it's just be such a traumatic 6 months and really not the way things were meant to be. Even though we only spent a small amount of time with Django he meant almost as much to us as Claude, who was with us for 15 years. You will feel guilt, you will feel that you've disloyal but you have to put things in perspective. You'll be giving a homeless cat a loving home and it won't replace Sooty at all.

    We now have kitten number 2 arriving soon, and he's not a replacement for either Claude or Django but a new little kitten who will come with his own personality who I know we'll love just as much as any cat we've owned.

    xx
     
  11. welshjet

    welshjet PetForums VIP

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    You will never replace him xxxx but in time you find a special kitty who will know the love that sooty had xxx
     
  12. Kitty_pig

    Kitty_pig PetForums VIP

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    I can only say what others already have (so I wont repeat). Just wanted to say that Im thinking of you ((hugs)). It has been three years since my cat passed away and Ive only been ready for a new cat for about 6 months. Only just been able to persuade my family I am ready now these past two months or so.

    Please take your time, you won't be replacing him, try not to think of it that way. No cat will ever be able to be a replacement, but they will be able to be a new companion, snuggle maker and more importantly....friend :)
     
  13. Ally-Kats

    Ally-Kats PetForums VIP

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    I totally agree with Popoki, although you obviously aren't ready yet, you need to grieve for Sooty first. So sorry for your loss, RIP Sooty.
     
  14. MissyMV6

    MissyMV6 PetForums Senior

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    Gosh I am crying reading this post :cryin:. I took my vets advice and had my Tortie girl Lulu pts at the age of 21..She doted on me and my daughter and was a wonerful wonderful cat I had her from birth.I still beat myself up over it thinking I shouldn't have let her go so easily even though the vet said it was time..The feeling of losing her was awful and myself and my daughter really struggled to come to terms with the situation.I wanted another cat to help ease the pain I was feeling..I got Louie about 3 months later and then the girls, a Devon and a Cornish Rex.
    Then sadly within a few months I lost the girls to fip:cryin: So had all the heartache once again..My hubby said I hadn't given it enough time to grieve for Lulu and I think he was right.
    Although I adore Louie Bobs he cant replace Lulu.

    Give yourself time and when you do get a rescue he/she wont replace Sooty;)

    Angie x
     
  15. Paddypaws

    Paddypaws PetForums VIP

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    Give yourself time to grieve, there is no rush to take on a rescue cat. When the time is right, Sooty will send the right one your way....;)
     
  16. missye87

    missye87 PetForums VIP

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    Thankyou all :)

    I guess I was just hoping to hear that the way I feel is normal... most people don't really understand. I do have a few people in my life who dounderstand though so it's been a bit of a comfort.

    I had him since I could hold him in my two hands, up until becoming the large ball of love that he grew up to be. I've been thinking more and more about his last few days, and I'm now fairly sure that on the morning he was telling me it was his time. :cryin:
     
  17. honeysmummy

    honeysmummy PetForums VIP

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    I am sorry to hear of Sooty passing away...big hugs to you
    Times a great healer ..you will know when its the right time xx
     
  18. CAstbury

    CAstbury PetForums VIP

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    I'm sure Sooty wouldnt think of you replacing him with another cat - he would see it as he gave you so much pleasure and love that you want to try and give a needy cat what he gave you.

    I know what I am trying to say but not explaining it very well.

    (((hugs)))
     
  19. Jocatza

    Jocatza PetForums Junior

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    I understand what you mean as I too have been in that position.

    Cats have a wonderful way of understanding humans and training us to do their bidding. Sooty spent years showing Missy how to be a marvellous cat person and I am 100% certain he will know that Missy isn't trying to replace him but rather pay tribute to his teachings.

    I know my cats have all had a happy life with my family and that they trusted us to do what was right for them. At times I still grieve for them all but the happy memories eventually replace the sad ones and each new cat we have adopted over the years has started a new chapter in our lives.

    You will know when the time is right to open your heart to another pus Missy. Give yourself time to say goodbye to Sooty properly and, eventually, you will know when you have his blessing to share your love with another.
     
    MoggyBaby likes this.
  20. Lulus mum

    Lulus mum PetForums VIP

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    Hi
    Have already sent you a visitor message,but Ill remind you of what I said,for the benefit of everyone else.Brief background-
    We lost our 14 yr old collie cross Lulu 3mths ago,our other dog also 14 has dementia.
    we have 3 cats-2 are 14 and 1 is 6
    All of these came from the rescue I worked for,when they were 12 weeks old


    1 of the older cats Rigsby,came here with his litter mate Harpo who we lost 9 mths later
    When I next went to the rescue I was in bits-but had to get on with caring for the many cats and kittens,who depended on the volunteers.
    There was a small ginger kitten with TERRIBLE cat flu and I decided to foster him-I knew in my heart that he would never go back though

    What Im trying to say is that I wasnt trying to replace Harpo and strangely enough didnt feel at all disloyal to him,though I grieved for him so much-he was the first cat I had ever lost
    Seeing how many cats and kittens were flooding our small rescue made me think that I was sharing the love I had with another little soul
    Hes still here today-,aged 14 and we called him Dougal.
    Every time I look at him I think of how I gave him a chance to have what every cat or dog deserves-a forever home

    I can totally understand how torn you are and hope that you will sometime be able to give another needy cat or kitten what you gave to your Sooty
    And Im sure Sooty would be saying-thank you mum.
    Thinking of you and sharing your sadness
    Maureen

    Poor Dougal isnt very well at the moment so I may be looking for some advice from everyone.Any good vibes are very welcome-hes a lovely ginger boy,named after Dougal from Father Ted , and follows our dog with dementia round-as he has thought of him as his "dad" since he came here
     
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