[ozrex]

Gidday Flyte and Skye and all you other dogs,

I had a Good Thing today, then a Bad Thing, then a Good Thing.

My first Good Thing was Tess got a bath. Laugh! Mate ya should have seen her. Mum grabbed her and put her on the washing machine. That looked promising so I went in ta watch.

First she got brushed. Well, mate when ya brush a wool-dog they look like ya might expect if they'd stuffed their tail in a power point. She was a ripper, looked twice her size. I was killin' meself. then she got chucked in the trough and shrank to rat-size. Then she started ta bubble up. I yelled "MAD DOG!" and "JEEZ, IT"S RABIES!" well, as ya would! She was spewing! Not a thing she could do, but.

Then she got rinsed with Mum tippin' a little bucket of water over her. Took four changes of water. Funny as. Then she got dried which was a bit tedious but THEN she got her arse and her eyes clipped. Mate it was brilliant I was goin' "OOOH, lookout. Jeez that was close!" and "What d'ya call a blind Doodle? No eye, dear." (Geddit) Just ta encourage her, like.

Unfortunately, then she got down and bit me ear.

Then there was a BAD THING. Mum an' Thomas took me out ta the lawn and bl**dy well washed ME! Mate it was ROUGH, I'm not gunna think where Mum stuck that hose!!!!

Now Tess is inside an' she reckons I've gone for a walk without her an' she's yellin' like a good one. When she starts trying ta take down the front door with her claws I can hear Daniel reasoning with her and she hasta stop. Daniel was proper rude.

Now there's a fair stretch of me ta wash an' it takes a while so I'm thinkin' an' I have a brainwave.... I goes inside all wet an' I says "Gidday Tess, beauty day for the creek!!!

Mate, it was worth every toothmark in me ear. A real Good Thing!

 

[Holtie]

Oh, the indignity of it - washing us with clean water AND SOAP!

Hi there down under pooches!

My name is Coco and I is a brown and white bouncy thing - my hooman says somfing like springer? I am only a baby!

I am staying up in Leeds at the moment and it is fun, well, it was until i had a slight mishap - no, in fact it was a large one! Without going in to too much detail, I was doing mad zoomies in the house and barged through the bathroom door then suddenly there was this weird feeling that i was sliding! I ended up in the shower area with my mummy hooman who had this look on her face
followed by :lol:

Followed by more :lol: as my other hoomans tried to catch me to dry me off!


Woofs to you all!

 

[Dogless]

Dear Rex,

Sounds like a rough day for you; I HATE being taken out and hosed. It's only happened once but I still make myself scarce when my human drags the Hosebeast out of the shed.

Love the Good Thing at the end though....I suppose it might be good that this Rudi character is coming to live with us soon just so I can wind him up too.

Kind Regards,

Sir Kilo.

 

[ozrex]

Gidday Kilo, mate.

What's a Rudi? Is it a dog? Mate, that's a RIPPER name I'm gunna re-name Tess. Reckon Rudi'd suit her down ta the ground. Rude mate.... she's a SHOCKER!

Yeah them hoses is Bad News. If I'd seen it coming I'd have been walkabout before ya could say "shampoo" but that Mum's a cunning beggar; went and got it while I was trying ta get Tess off me blimmin' ear.

I'm still windin' Tess up about gettin' ta the creek when she didn't. Ya might think she'd have smelt the shampoo in me fur (Dog knows I stink) but of course she was coated in the same stuff so all she can smell is that bimmin' orange muck from he own fur.....

If this Rudi's a dog or a bitch mate, happy ta give ya some pointers on givin' him/her a hard time.

It's all good,
Rex

 

[ozrex]

Gidday Coco,

Ya sound a bit like me old mate, Skye. He's a springy-thingy too.

Them showers isn't so bad. Ya might want ta train the humans ta take ya in there for a scrub. Me Old Boss usta take me in the shower with him for a scrub occasionally and it wasn't so bad. Heck of a sight better than THE HOSE!

See ya,
Rex

 

[Dogless]

Gidday Kilo, mate.

What's a Rudi? Is it a dog? Mate, that's a RIPPER name I'm gunna re-name Tess. Reckon Rudi'd suit her down ta the ground. Rude mate.... she's a SHOCKER!

Yeah them hoses is Bad News. If I'd seen it coming I'd have been walkabout before ya could say "shampoo" but that Mum's a cunning beggar; went and got it while I was trying ta get Tess off me blimmin' ear.

I'm still windin' Tess up about gettin' ta the creek when she didn't. Ya might think she'd have smelt the shampoo in me fur (Dog knows I stink) but of course she was coated in the same stuff so all she can smell is that bimmin' orange muck from he own fur.....

If this Rudi's a dog or a bitch mate, happy ta give ya some pointers on givin' him/her a hard time.

It's all good,
Rex

Dear Rex,

Apparently this Rudi is a dog; a young 'un, complete with puppy teeth. Reckon I'll spend a fair bit of time on the sofa growling at him so he can't come up and puncture my ears - reckon he will put so many holes in them that they'll look like those paper snowflakes children make!

We have a right adventure to go and get him. My human and I have to go on that boat across the sea - I like car and boat trips - then drive for hours and hours until we get to a kennels near where we used to live which is alright; they take me for lots of walks and play with me. Then I am getting left there for 6 days whilst my human picks up male human and they go and do relatives stuff. THEN on the way back they get this Rudi character, then me, and we go all the way back. Some neutral ground meetings will take place apparently to increase the chances of me liking the little squirt!

All tips gratefully received Rex; think I'm going to need them!

Kind Regards,

Kilo

 

[ozrex]

Crikey, Kilo MATE! A puppy!!!!!!!!!!!

What are they doin' ta ya??? Those things are evil, PURE EVIL. They eat ya food, poo all over ya den, chew ya collar, jump all over ya and yap! That's a Good Day; on a Bad Day they're blimmin' worse! They eat ya food and throw up, poo in ya bed, eat ya ears and jump on ya boy bits and run ta Mum ta complain when ya rouse on 'em, screamin' their bimmin' heads off.

Maybe it was just Tess? Nah, reckon they're all the same.

Why d'ya have ta go ta Tassie ta get a pup? Bit short of 'em where you are? Thought the beggars were everywhere. Bet ya anything ya like it spews on the boat AND in the car. Keep ya distance mate, keep ya distance....

Advice? Mate RUN AND HIDE!!! and thank ya stars it's only a dog not a blimmin' bitch!

Deepest sympathy mate. Need a whinge, I'm right here for ya.

Rex

 

[springerpete]

Morning Fellas. Flyte here. So what's a bath then??? Doesn't sound so bad to me. Not sure about ' Soap,? though, is it something you can eat or what?
Rex, I thought you had you hoomans better trained than that when me and shortarse get mucked up, which, I have to say, is nearly every day, we just get taken to the river to swim which is great. In fact Skye and me have sussed it out now, get muddy, go to the river. The boss hasn't worked it out yet so we'll just keep up the getting muddy bit as long as we can.
Now Rex, I consider us to be friends so I feel that I can be a bit blunt with you regarding your advice to Kilo. I dont think this new puppy he's being saddled with is like Tess, she's got lots of fluff for you to grab hold of when you want to give her a ragging, much like shorty, he's got lots of furry areas to get a grip on but, as I understand it, this new young fella that's going to live with Kilo is one of them short haired chaps so there's nothing that can be safely gripped. It's a bit of a shame for Kilo 'cos I know what fun it can be to get a young 'un by the scruff and give him a shaking butI dont think this one is going to have a 'Scruff'
I see where you're coming from, laying down the rules of behaviour and the like, but I'd be a bit careful not to encourage Kilo too much, I've seen his pics... He's a big old boy and trust me, the last thing you want is his hooman giving you grief because he's followed your advice. Best really to let him learn for himself I think..... Must go now, shortarse is being a bit of a pain, chewing at my foot. I feel a good scufting is in order.
Take care mate, regards to Tess. Flyte.

 

[Holtie]

Gidday Coco,

Ya sound a bit like me old mate, Skye. He's a springy-thingy too.

Them showers isn't so bad. Ya might want ta train the humans ta take ya in there for a scrub. Me Old Boss usta take me in the shower with him for a scrub occasionally and it wasn't so bad. Heck of a sight better than THE HOSE!

See ya,
Rex

Hiya Rex,
That's what I is - a springy thingy, like the other I've heard so much about, Skye - reckon we'd have a crackin' time and he could show me a thing or two!

I don't mind showers at all, it's just when I have no control whatsoever over my paws and zoomie straight into it!
It woz real cold this morning though, I thought I was seeing ghosts cos of all this white stuff floating up in front of my face and it wouldn't leave me alone!! I noticed my mummy hooman had it as well but it didn't bother her so it didn't bother me then!!

Puppies aren't THAT bad!! I is a good girl most times but sometimes my ears don't seem to work and I can't quite hear what my hooman wants me to do!! Singing:

Hope Kilo isn't too worried about a littl'un joining his pack - he will just have to put Rudi in her/his place!!

Flyte, soap is really weird stuff, it's a funny shape and tastes horrible!

Oh goody, it's dinner time and I have to go and be a pain in the the proverbial now to my mummy hooman!!

Cheers!!

 

[ozrex]

Yeah, Gidday Flyte,

D'ya mean ta say you've NEVER had a bath???? Mate, that's it. I'm gunna go ta Pommie-land. Knew there was a good place for us dogs somewhere.... NO BATHS!!!! YOU BEAUTY!!! Hang on a seccy... ya havta swim in the river? Mate what about snakes? What about yabbies? Usta go in the dam a bit after 'roos and got me toes bit by a blimmin' yabby, rotten b*gger wouldn't let go! Did three laps of the paddock before I lost the flamin' thing!

Mum starts chuckin' me in the creek she's coming in too. Her fault fer keepin' me straps on! She was whingin' about flippin' leeches last time she went in. Needs ta grow some hair in my opinion.

Is Kilo's hooman big? I know he's a big bloke but is she's a big sheila? I might havta tone it down a bit. Thanks for the heads up, mate. To be honest ya can always grab something and give a pup a bit of a shake. Not too rough, mind. I give that Daisy of mine a bit of a scruffing and she took after her Mum who's a Kelpie not like me in the hair department. Very sleek animals Kelpies. Hear Daisy's had ta go and live in the Big Smoke so she took after me in other ways. Silly beggar chased the Boss's sister's little horses....

Hope ya scruffed that shortarse!

Cheers
Rex

 

[ozrex]

Gidday Coco,

Yeah mate, you an' Skye would get on like a house on fire. Ya want ta bark to him. Properly speakin' he's a good mate of my Tess and the two of them can yap on fer hours.

Mate puppies ARE that bad (no offence). Between Tess, who's kinda grown out of it and me daughter Daisy.........

Hearin's a funny thing sometimes! Mum says I've got "male-pattern selective hearing loss" which sound quite grand. I just thought I was ignoring her!

Cheers, mate
Rex

 

[Dogless]

Dear dogs of the thread,

A fair few valid points raised since I last posted!!

Crikey, Kilo MATE! A puppy!!!!!!!!!!!

What are they doin' ta ya??? Those things are evil, PURE EVIL. They eat ya food, poo all over ya den, chew ya collar, jump all over ya and yap! That's a Good Day; on a Bad Day they're blimmin' worse! They eat ya food and throw up, poo in ya bed, eat ya ears and jump on ya boy bits and run ta Mum ta complain when ya rouse on 'em, screamin' their bimmin' heads off.

Maybe it was just Tess? Nah, reckon they're all the same.

Why d'ya have ta go ta Tassie ta get a pup? Bit short of 'em where you are? Thought the beggars were everywhere. Bet ya anything ya like it spews on the boat AND in the car. Keep ya distance mate, keep ya distance....

Advice? Mate RUN AND HIDE!!! and thank ya stars it's only a dog not a blimmin' bitch!

Deepest sympathy mate. Need a whinge, I'm right here for ya.

Rex

Do you know Rex, I quite like puppies...in small doses!!

We have to do the big journey as my human wants another one from the same place as I was from; reckons I'm athletic and handsome and I've never eaten anyone so that'll do her. She's friends with the people now too and they do all these things that humans like, like x-ray hips and elbows and things. Very odd, but humans really can be, can't they? Like just a minute ago. I got my breakfast in a bowl. Then, my human had some hot oaty stuff in a bowl that smelt gorgeous - I went to stick my hooter in it and get a really good sniff and got told 'Leave it!' (I don't like those words - stops fun usually) .

Morning Fellas. Flyte here. So what's a bath then??? Doesn't sound so bad to me. Not sure about ' Soap,? though, is it something you can eat or what?
Rex, I thought you had you hoomans better trained than that when me and shortarse get mucked up, which, I have to say, is nearly every day, we just get taken to the river to swim which is great. In fact Skye and me have sussed it out now, get muddy, go to the river. The boss hasn't worked it out yet so we'll just keep up the getting muddy bit as long as we can.
Now Rex, I consider us to be friends so I feel that I can be a bit blunt with you regarding your advice to Kilo. I dont think this new puppy he's being saddled with is like Tess, she's got lots of fluff for you to grab hold of when you want to give her a ragging, much like shorty, he's got lots of furry areas to get a grip on but, as I understand it, this new young fella that's going to live with Kilo is one of them short haired chaps so there's nothing that can be safely gripped. It's a bit of a shame for Kilo 'cos I know what fun it can be to get a young 'un by the scruff and give him a shaking butI dont think this one is going to have a 'Scruff'
I see where you're coming from, laying down the rules of behaviour and the like, but I'd be a bit careful not to encourage Kilo too much, I've seen his pics... He's a big old boy and trust me, the last thing you want is his hooman giving you grief because he's followed your advice. Best really to let him learn for himself I think..... Must go now, shortarse is being a bit of a pain, chewing at my foot. I feel a good scufting is in order.
Take care mate, regards to Tess. Flyte.

Yeah, Gidday Flyte,

You're right fella, not much hair on us ridgies!! I am quite gentle with puppies usually; humans usually go Aaaawwwww bless him, look how gentle he is - sounds soppy BUT it brings Good Things when I do that .

D'ya mean ta say you've NEVER had a bath???? Mate, that's it. I'm gunna go ta Pommie-land. Knew there was a good place for us dogs somewhere.... NO BATHS!!!! YOU BEAUTY!!! Hang on a seccy... ya havta swim in the river? Mate what about snakes? What about yabbies? Usta go in the dam a bit after 'roos and got me toes bit by a blimmin' yabby, rotten b*gger wouldn't let go! Did three laps of the paddock before I lost the flamin' thing!

Mum starts chuckin' me in the creek she's coming in too. Her fault fer keepin' me straps on! She was whingin' about flippin' leeches last time she went in. Needs ta grow some hair in my opinion.

Is Kilo's hooman big? I know he's a big bloke but is she's a big sheila? I might havta tone it down a bit. Thanks for the heads up, mate. To be honest ya can always grab something and give a pup a bit of a shake. Not too rough, mind. I give that Daisy of mine a bit of a scruffing and she took after her Mum who's a Kelpie not like me in the hair department. Very sleek animals Kelpies. Hear Daisy's had ta go and live in the Big Smoke so she took after me in other ways. Silly beggar chased the Boss's sister's little horses....

Hope ya scruffed that shortarse!

Cheers
Rex

My human's not so big Rex...here is a pic of us together. She is stronger than she looks and also uses Mind Games on me :crazy:.

Gidday Coco,

Yeah mate, you an' Skye would get on like a house on fire. Ya want ta bark to him. Properly speakin' he's a good mate of my Tess and the two of them can yap on fer hours.

Mate puppies ARE that bad (no offence). Between Tess, who's kinda grown out of it and me daughter Daisy.........

Hearin's a funny thing sometimes! Mum says I've got "male-pattern selective hearing loss" which sound quite grand. I just thought I was ignoring her!

Cheers, mate
Rex

I'll show mine this....she thinks I'm not listening but now it's got a grand name it must mean it's acceptable.

I have an awful lot to learn before this Rudi character appears.....

Kind Regards,

Kilo.