Still cannot cope, after 4 months.

Discussion in 'Rainbow Bridge' started by SpencerK, May 17, 2017.


  1. SpencerK

    SpencerK PetForums Junior

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    Hi all, well its been 4 months since my boy Barns passed, and I'm still having panic attacks whenever I think about him, I still cannot accept he's gone after all this time. Is this normal? I do not think I will honestly ever get over it - we have a new kitten now, and although he is lovely, cute and our other two cats are ok with him (apart from a few hiss'es), it still hurts so much. Barns was the mostly loving, fun, cute and intelligent animal I had the pleasure to be with for 16 years.

    He didn't pass well, he lost weight for a month before it go so bad, I kept saying to my partner we should take him in, this is not right. But we thought he had a bad tooth. He died in pain and frightened. I cannot mediate, as he pops in, I'm dreaming of him all the time. Its now effecting my health, my heart my blood pressure.

    Time has not healed this wound, and it never will. I'm worried about the future.

    Has anyone else had this intensity even after 4 months?

    Had to vent
    Spencer
     
  2. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell PetForums VIP

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    I'm so sorry that you still feel such intensity. Maybe if you could forgive yourself for waiting a little longer than you feel you should have, it might help. You did your best. And pain is frightening so that's why Barns felt the way he did. But he's out of pain now. He's at peace.
     
  3. SpencerK

    SpencerK PetForums Junior

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    Hi Miranda,
    Yes, he is at peace - I just think it so disgusting that something so nice, so lovable can be taken from us - I know this is a stupid comment, everyone dies. It has a lot to do with my loveless upbringing, I was not fortunate to have parents, so when I was shown unconditional love and happiness every day, suppose I become too attached. Just walking in and not seeing him sitting there for me every day sucks a bit of happiness out of me.

    The only way to get through this is to be ignorant, totally take him out of my mind - this is what my partner does. If she opens that door just a little, he breaks down. But, she is strong, her door is made of metal, mine is of paper, lol. Us men aye, weaklings!
     
  4. Charity

    Charity Endangered Species

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    I think the manner of a pet's death has a lot of influence on how we feel and for how long. Of all my pets who have been put to sleep, some have had what I call "a good passing" and others definitely not and its impossible not to dwell more on those. It does cause more pain when you see an animal suffering and frightened at those last few moments. I still think with great sadness about one of mine, a Siamese cat, who had cancer and the vet injected directly into his heart rather than his arm, he didn't tell me he was going to do this and my boy looked straight at me and struggled so much. I was in shock so much I didn't question why he had done it. It was truly awful and something I can never forget but it was three years ago and time has dulled the pain. Unfortunately, we have no option but to live with these memories so we have to deal with them as best we can. I try to think, right, today (pet's name) is at peace, no longer suffering, I can't change what has passed so I mustn't dwell on what has been. Try and concentrate on your other cats and your lovely new kitten and I promise in time you will feel better, though it may not be tomorrow or the next day.
     
  5. Kerry20042006

    Kerry20042006 PetForums Newbie

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    I am so sorry for your loss
     
  6. Colliebarmy

    Colliebarmy PetForums VIP

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    I still shed a silent tear over our old girl, we lost her 14 years ago, still keep find photos with her in them i didnt know about, the 4 eldest kids grew up with her, its 25+ years now since the little pup came to us....

    we have her collar and lead still
     
  7. Odin_cat

    Odin_cat PetForums Member

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    Hi Spencer,
    I'm so sorry for your loss, it's clear that Barns was greatly loved and very lucky to have had you as an owner. It is of course natural to still feel upset.

    However, if your grief is having a serious effect on your life, I wonder if you should consider visiting your GP or contacting a charity for bereavement counselling.

    I hope soon you are able to think about the happy times you had together.
     
  8. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

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    @SpencerK: it's awful to lose such a much-loved companion, and obviously you are, understandably still heartbroken.. Blue Cross do pet bereavement counselling (not sure what it entails but you have nothing to lose by trying).
    0800 096 6606 is the number they give. Worth a try? I lost my six-year-old boy a year ago and it's still hard to cope with sometimes.
     
    Cleo38 likes this.
  9. SpencerK

    SpencerK PetForums Junior

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    Hi guys, thanks for the info, kind words. I cannot do anything without thinking of Barns, I miss him so much still - its having a major impact on my life, and I cannot see how counselling will help. The only thing is to let go, but how can you let go of such a loving beautiful animal. I just want him sitting in front of me, making his noise; he would open him mouth and make a noise to everything I would say, he would flop on his belly, or go lie down if I asked him too. I treated him like a son, more than a son. I wish I could move on. Sorry, all I seem to do is moan when I come to these forums, its my only way to say whats inside.
     
  10. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

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    @SpencerK: it may not, but it may, and you have nothing to lose by trying.
     
  11. Caroline Bell

    Caroline Bell PetForums Junior

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    hi spencer i spoke to you a few weeks back about your loss of your beautiful cat barnes.thanks again for your replies .i am caroline who lost jake my dog.i can relate so much to your recent post.it has been 10 weeks since we lost jake and i feel no better than i did then.i still cry every day ,finding it difficult to sleep in the bedroom were he slept.still calling out his name at home and in the car .i think about him all day no matter what im doing.we have no other pets.my husband says for me to try and move on as life is short.i rang the blue cross some weeks ago and they listened and gave support.they said if i needed to ring again dont hesitate .the house is so empty and i just hope one day things will get better and also for you .keep in touch and live in hope caroline xxx
     
  12. SpencerK

    SpencerK PetForums Junior

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    Hi there Caroline, we can indeed relate to each other. Its just so sad, so hard to lose our pets. I cannot see another living animal or person ever making me feel the way Barns did. We got another kitten, to make the house not seem so cold and to stop the other two cats from arguing, and its made zero difference; I knew it would not but at the time thought it might help. We have an older cat Smegs, whos 16, and I can just tell he's still looking for Barns, sitting ontop of the shed, standing by the cat flap - it breaks my heart to see him so sad, or, is it just me thinking that hes sad. Barns was the only one who got close to him, allowed him to lick and clean Smegs.

    Like your lovely Jake, nothing can come close. I would have to spend the next 15 years, working from home about 7 of them every day and night to get close to another pet. And its not just that, Barns would head bump constantly, he would sit there and opening his mouth making that noise. Its only now, as you do with your jake, I realise how special he was and how I will never ever have that love again. If I had kids, I would have to move on, but i dont, so its hard - the same as you. There is nothing we can do? Speaking to someone, ok - but, that does not take away the loss does it.

    Wish you the very best, in our grief.
    xxxxx
    Spence
     
  13. Caroline Bell

    Caroline Bell PetForums Junior

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    hi spencer thanx for your reply. we havent got another dog yet.we are going to see how we feel later on.it has been a difficult adjustment in the house but if we did get another pet we would have to be more sure and i dont know if i could go through this again.a part of me has gone since jake died and i dont think i will get that back.when they leave us i think i have realised even more how special he was to me.nothing takes away the loss but we have to carry on .keep in touch and i wish you all the best caroline xx
     
  14. cows573

    cows573 PetForums Senior

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    I still grieve for the closest cat I ever had, even after four years!

    He had to be pts at a very difficult time in my life and his death sent me to a very dark place for a while.

    While I can never replace him and think I never will find a cat like him again... my solution was to fill my home with cats!

    I love each and every one of them and their individual traits. I always try to remember, when I lose one of my dear pets, that is always better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.