I miss her and feel extremely guilty. Lily came into the family when I was 11, and she was 6. When I was 17 my parents got divorced and she went to live with my dad, so I did too. But I didn't get on with him so I spent more and more time at my mums. I still went round often to see her when he was at work, and I was desperate to take her back to mum's with me, but mum had two cats of her own and Lily hated other cats. After a few years, my dad and his new wife didn't pay her much attention or even let her go upstairs. She loved sleeping on beds and eventually they didn't even let her on the sofas. Whenever I went round to see her, I sat on the floor with my legs out and she got on and nuzzled my face like crazy and would purr endlessly until I had to leave. I spent the whole time telling her I loved her and missed her and I felt she was saying the same. I missed her so much during those days. One day my dad phoned me to say she had been put to sleep. We knew she had been getting sick but I'd had no idea how bad it was. If I'd known, I would've stayed at his house every day and had her on the bed with me. They told me his wife had comforted her when she died but I feel so guilty that I wasn't there and I feel she would've wanted me. I didn't even live in the same house and didn't see her nearly as often as I wanted. It makes me so sad that she slept alone and spent a lot of time alone in her final days when I was so desperate to be with her. I often wish I'd taken her to live with me at mums, but at the time I was too worried about the other cats. For the whole time we'd had her she's been very antisocial with all other animals and even humans outside the family. At the time I didn't want to stress her out by taking her to a strange home with other cats when she was old and easily stressed. But now I wish I'd done it so I could've been there for her when she died and maybe given her a better end to her life. We had years together and I feel I betrayed her in the end by not staying with her. It's been five years and the bottom line is I miss her terribly and so often I wish I could have one day where she was here with me, just so we could sleep next to each other and I could say goodbye.