How to persuade someone that their cat is going to be better off?

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by newfiesmum, Feb 13, 2012.


  1. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Moderator
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    The daughter of a friend of mine who I have known since she was three (she is now 35) has a cat that she is talking about rehoming. She first asked her mother to take her, but she has a Bengal who does not like other cats. It seems the poor little thing spends most of her time shut out in the cold. They lock the cat flap so she can't get in, because she brings in mice.

    That means she is outside all day when no one is home and all night as well. She is barely allowed inside. She has a place inside, but once out she can't get back in.

    All this because the husband hates cats and she keeps pouncing on the childrens' feet.

    She has little human contact, and I have told her that I will take her. I have told her the arrangements I have in place for a cat, and she knows I have always had dogs and cats together. But she is worried about the dogs!

    I suggested she look up newfoundlands on the internet to substantiate what I said that they are well known for being gentle with smaller animals, they have no prey drive, and I am not likely to just chuck them in together with no supervision.

    She knows very well how well cared for my animals are, she has been my daughter's best friend since they were three.

    I also believe that a cat that spends most of her time outside is going to be well versed in defending herself against dogs.

    All I can do I suppose is let her think it over. I don't want to pressure her, or she might get obstinate and decide not to let me have her, but the poor little thing needs a proper home.

    Don't know what else I can do. Her mother has told her the cat would be better off with me as well, so that is where I am, worrying about this little cat.
     
  2. SandyR

    SandyR PetForums Senior

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    Poor kitty. Seems silly that the owner is worried about the dogs but has the cat out side day and night in the cold.

    Does not sound like there is much more you can say or do she will just have to make the correct decision. Good on you for wanting to take this little kitty in.

    There is a lovely cat that a see on my travels every day and once me and my little girl were saying hello when her owners came out the front door. He said hello and then commented that the cat wanted to come in but wasn't allowed. Can not understand people like that. When my cats appear at the door I'm so relieved and rush to let them in.
     
  3. Jiskefet

    Jiskefet Slave to the Hairy Hikers

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    Why not tell her just exactly how you will introduce the new cat to your household?

    That you will keep the cat apart from your own cats and dogs at first, so she can get used to them being around without actually being around them, and give her clothes and rags wtih the scent of the other perts, so she can used to their smell, too.
    Tell her that you will also give some bedding or blanket with her cat's scent to your own cats and dogs, so they will be familiar with her, too, even before meeting her.
    Then you will let her meet the others one by one, under supervision, and introduce them properly, the way cat behaviouralist describe you should do it...

    If she has any doubts or worries after that, I don't know WHAT is wrong with her.....
     
  4. dagny0823

    dagny0823 PetForums VIP

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    Could you mention that your dogs are all well trained and docile and far less of a risk than any of the random wildlife the cat will most likely run across outside all night? Not to mention the untrained, potentially non-cat-friendly loose dogs outside?

    People are really funny sometimes; they get bizarre illogical notions in their heads and won't listen to reason. And I can't help but wonder why she got a cat when her husband hates them and she isn't willing to put in a little time to keep it from pouncing on feet (as if that's such a horrible thing).

    Good luck. I know you'd give that little kitty a wonderful life.
     
  5. Lunabuma

    Lunabuma POW!

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    I sense her issue is probably more of a smoke screen about her feelings for handing her cat over to another person / letting her cat go. Sounds like your friend needs to use her powers of persuasion about the quality of life the poor little thing has at the moment and what a lovely home it would have with you.
     
  6. missP

    missP PetForums Senior

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    it's a bit late to show concern for the cat now isn't it. sounds like it's been left to defend for itself, against dogs, foxes and any other wildlife.

    i cant see why she wouldn't think it would be better off with someone that would actually pay it some attention and give it some cuddles.

    hope she comes to her senses soon :)
     
  7. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Moderator
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    I told her all that yesterday at her brother's birthday party. Someone asked if she got on with other cats and she didn't know. I don't have any other cats, only the dogs, who are very gentle with everything. I have even borrowed a dog cage so that the cat can be safe in there while she and the dogs get used to each other, when I am there of course. When I am not she can be quite safe and cosy upstairs and I told her that my dogs cannot get upstairs, giant dogs don't do stairs.

    Her husband actually bought the cat as a kitten for her birthday present! How ridiculous is that? He hates cats, is not nice to her and keeps kicking her out. It seems she has spent no time educating the children and getting the cat used to them, so I imagine she now sees them as a threat.

    It is so frustrating, because she knows the cat doesn't have a good life, which is why she wanted her mother to take it, and she knows me very, very well. The whole family even lived with me for six weeks when she was little.

    I don't want to push, because she can be difficult and I don't want her to get the hump and decide to keep her. She says she doesn't want her to go to a shelter, she wants to know where she is going.
     
  8. dagny0823

    dagny0823 PetForums VIP

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    Ah, I see, it's one of those situations. And the fact that her husband isn't nice is probably working the reverse way psychologically---she wants to hang onto the nice present he got her because there isn't a whole lot else that's positive in the relationship. I guess it will just take some time, but if she's being rational, she'll realize you're the best solution to the situation and this way the cat will have a good life. The alternative is to grow a set, stand up to her husband, tell him he's a tool for buying her a present he's obviously hostile towards, and that kitty will be staying inside from here on out. As if that will happen :rolleyes:
     
  9. Superash

    Superash PetForums VIP

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    This is a no- brainer !!! Just catnap it :D
     
  10. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Moderator
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    She says its because the cat keeps going for the kids, though if she had a nice place upstairs that wouldn't happen would it? I don't know, but I expect he won't let it in the bedroom anyway. My husband didn't want animals at all, but he ended up having three cats asleep on the bed and the dog asleep at the end of it!

    I would, but I have no idea what it looks like. My friend says she is tortoiseshell but I have never been sure what that is. I am not fussy about colour, really. I have wanted a cat since I lost my Bonnie three years ago, and I know I could rescue this one and give her a nice warm home. I also know she would get used to the dogs and they would get used to her.
     
  11. colliemerles

    colliemerles PetForums VIP

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    fingers crossed she lets you home her, is she neutured or vaccinated, poor little thing, if she does let you have her, i do hope her hubby doesnt buy her more furry birthday presents !!!!!!:eek:
     
  12. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Moderator
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    I am told she has been spayed and vaccinated, but she may not have had boosters. I do not know. Unfortunately, just before kitten arrived, he had a springer spaniel which spent all its time in a cage. They had to rehome it as it was a "psycho dog". I wonder why?

    I could go pick this cat up like today if I had an answer. She is only up the road in one of the villages. I already have everything in place as I was supposed to be getting a cat a few weeks ago, but it didn't happen.
     
  13. Paddypaws

    Paddypaws PetForums VIP

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    I think you are doing a lovely thing, and am sure that she WILL give the cat to you, it's just a matter of time. After all if you only discussed this over the weekend then she has not had much chance to mull things over.
    I would give it a few days--or a week--and then maybe give her a phone call and ask if she has made a decision.
     
  14. Alfride

    Alfride PetForums Senior

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    Arrh not fun dealing with irrational people. Good on you for wanting to help the poor little soul.

    Couldn't you suggest to her a trial period for maybe a month or two where you will take the cat in. Then you could see if the cat and the dogs would work out and if not she could take the cat back. Maybe you could convince her that at least it would be better for the cat to be inside in the warmth with you than outside in the cold months. Maybe also reassure her that she is welcome to visit the cat whenever she wants.
     
  15. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    Personally, if I was this lass, I'd be locking out the husband and keeping in the cat!!!! :mad:

    When I hear stories like this I am so thankful for my OH who actually would let me have a dozen cats if I really wanted them......

    I hope you are able to resolve this soon NFM, for the little cats sake. She sounds in desperate need of some urgent TLC.

    Good luck hun. :)
     
  16. Paddypaws

    Paddypaws PetForums VIP

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    That's a great suggestion from Alfride! I think she almost needs an excuse to let the cat go easily and so quickly, if that makes sense?
    The reminder that she can come and visit whenever she wants is a good one, bet she NEVER takes you up on it though.
     
  17. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Moderator
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    Her mum spoke to her about it over a week ago, when she told me that the girl had asked her to take the cat. So she has known for a while. Yesterday was the first chance I had to talk to her myself.

    I have told her she can come and see the cat. If I have her though, there is no way I would give her back, even if she doesn't get on with the dogs! There are ways and means.

    Me too.
     
  18. ella

    ella PetForums VIP

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    Could you offer to have the cat as a trial? It may persuade her to let you have her - and if she sees that the cat is happy, she may sign it over permanently.

    This may be a way of her not losing face?
     
  19. Alfride

    Alfride PetForums Senior

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    Yes, of course but you don't have to tell her that ;) You just have to convince her to hand over the cat – I am sure you will make it work :)
     
  20. ella

    ella PetForums VIP

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    That's my way of thinking too!
     
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