Hello, I'm new to the forum although I have seen it on google searches every now and then. I feel I need to post about my absolute heartbreaking experience.

Last year, my boyfriend and i bought a Labrador x border collie puppy and called her Bonnie, she was amazing, a few months after we got her, we went on holiday and my boyfriends parents looked after her (we were living with them at the time), we only went away for 3 days but she had a fit, the vet said sometimes dogs just have fits, and that they only really need to test for anything serious if they have a lot. for the following few months Bonnie had fits every now and then, but it seemed, only when we weren't around! we figured it was stress related.

So in April this year we moved into our own home with our other puppy - a yorkshire terrier - Molly. We were happy when she didnt have any fits for the first month, as we assumed moving would be stressful on her, however one morning Molly woke us up by barking at Bonnie who was mid seizure. The vet did some checks on her and was happy that she seemed healthy still. Over the following weeks Bonnie proceeded to have some "cluster fits" which developed a pattern, she was then diagnosed with Canine Epilepsy. We gave her pills every morning and evening with food, apparently a lot of owners don't like this kind of commitment, but we felt it was worth it because she meant everything to us.

But then, after about 3 weeks of being on the pills and fit free, one morning we awoke to her fitting again but this time she barely came out of them, by half 8am when my boyfriend got to work, he had to come home and get her again because she'd had over 10 fits. she spent the next two days and nights in the vets under mild sedation. everytime the sedative wore off, she would have another fit. the vet didnt know what was wrong because this isnt how epilepsy works.

by the end of the second day we knew what was going to happen and neither of us had ever felt heartbreak like it. the worst part was that bonnie then managed to go the whole next night without fitting, but when the vet took her outside for toilet in the morning, she fitted again. so we went in and said goodbye. neither of us has ever cried so much in our lives.

two months on and im still devistated. i apologise for the length of the post but i just feel that people here might understand my pain, friends and family always ask what happened and when i tell them, it doesnt seem like they understand, work colleagues always ask "was it the one that was sick?" and they just dont get it when i tell them her epilepsy didnt make her sick.

i wont ever know exactly what happened, the vet assumes that she just had to much brain damage from the cluster fits just before we had her on the pills. everyday is hard for us at the moment, at first i seemed to be dealing with losing her quite well, but now, i just cant help but cry all the time.

i hope my story encourages people to take their pups to the vets even if they've only had one or two fits, i cant help but think that if i'd have insisted she be put on the pills sooner, she might still be here. my partner and i both envisioned her in our lives for the next 15 years and we feel so lost without her suddenly.

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Hi, I'm so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Bonnie especially at such a young age. I totally feel your pain, I lost my beloved Lucy in april aged 15 and a half, she was a yorkie/cavalier king charles and she was my absolute life. My life will never be the same again, I miss her more than words can say.This forum is wonderful you will get lots of help and support from all the lovely people on here. Bonnie will always be with you.

Big hugs to you. xx

Oh my heart is in my mouth reading your post - of course I know exactly how you feel and you will feel like this for a long time but eventually you will be able to remember the good times you had with Bonnie.

You did you best for her and you should never say 'I should have done this' or 'should have done that' because as you say you will never know what the root of the problem was. Bonnie was lucky to have you and you her - just be thankful for that. I believe she will still be with you in spirit and without pain.

She was certainly a beautiful little girl.

Run free Bonnie xx

Big hugs to you.

I am so sorry for your loss of Bonnie.
Sometimes things happen and it is out of our control.
You did your best for her and she had a loving home with you.
It is hard that you will never get the answers of why this happened and it is only natural to think maybe if I had done this or that.
Having been through a sudden death with one of my 10 year old cats 2 years ago I do still wonder why, and if I could have done more.
Happy memories do return and when the time is right for you maybe adopting a little rescue will help to make you feel complete again.

R.I.P Bonnie and have fun up at Rainbow Bridge xx

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First of all can I say that you have no need to apologise to anyone about the way you're feeling. I'm guessing that I'm an awful lot older than you and as such have, over the last 35 years or thereabouts, had to say goodbye to quite a few dogs,, the most recent being earlier on this year when I lost my beautiful Springer, then a couple of months after this my old Retreiver passed on. I work my dogs, and people seem to expect me to be less upset over their passing than 'Pet owners. It seems as though folk believe, we who work dogs, veiw them as no more than tools to be used. Nothing could be further from the truth. Believe me, every time I lose a trusted companion I go off on my own and shed a tear or three, no shame, like you I love my dogs and it perfectly normal to feel grief at their passing.
It's a great shame that you didn't have longer together but sadly, from what you say, you had no other options.
A thought for you, as I've said, I've lost two old mates this year. As I write I'm being stared at from the kitchen by a 5 month old Goldie, and a 9 week old Springer. They're not replacements, no dog can be replaced in that way, they're more like the continuation of a line that stretches back to my youth, I give my dogs a good life, as I'm certain you have. Perhaps you should take the love you have for your late dog and gift it to another pup.
Take care, it does get easier, I promise.
Pete.

So sorry for your loss and the hearbreak of losing her.

May your spirit run forever free in sunshine Bonnie.

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I'm so sorry for your loss! I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Bonnie on the 21st sept. She was a Yorkie and I have another one called Millie. Bonnie started having fits too and we were told she had liver failure but they tested her and she wasn't in liver failure and her heart was healthy so the vet diagnosed her with epilepsy and gave her epifen. We gave her her first one and it made her very wobbly and made her breathing very quick and heavy. So we stopped and called the vet the next day. He said not to give her anymore though we talked to someone who isn't a vet but has a lot of experience of epileptic dogs and she said the dosage they gave her was for a lab rather than a yorkie. The day after that (20th) she wasn't any better so we took her and he told us she had a grade 3 heart murmur out of 6 (which was news to us as her heart was deemed healthy just a few days before!) and that she had heart failure and would probably have only weeks left. We took her home with tablets gave her the first one, gave her food and took her out the garden for a wee wee as she was still very wobbly and she collapsed and had another fit. This time her tongue which was constantly hanging out for the lack of teeth was blue. She got a lot worse after the fit. We called the vet and he said to bring her in and they'll put her in an oxygen tent. She spent the night there at the vets mostly in the oxygen tent as everytime they brought her out she'd go blue. The next day it wasn't good news in the morning or in the afternoon but then around late afternoon we had a phone call and said that Bonnie was out of oxygen and had been for over 2 hours and that we can go and pick her up if we wanted. We decided to leave her over night so she was there if she needed more oxygen during the night rather than having a 20 minute drive back to the vets. At 7:34pm however we had a phone call saying she'd passed away. Apparantly she needed to be put back into oxygen but just minutes after putting her back in she stopped breathing. They took her out and gave her cpr and adrenaline injections straight into the heart but it was no good. She was gone.

I know it was a long reply but I found quite a lot of what you said similar to what we went through. Its been almost 4 weeks now and for the first few days i was a wreck. Then I was ok because it didn't feel real but this week has been very very hard. I now feel that she's never coming home again as its sunk in and it's awful. She's buried in her favourite part of the garden.

It physically hurts doesn't it!?

RIP Bonnie.. Run free xxx

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God bless Bonnie, I'm sure she is smiling down at you now thinking of the love that you shared with each other. That was a wonderful post, well written and poignant and with a good lesson for all of us.

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