Hi Melx, I had a big fear problem after getting back on my Arab after surgery and after studying myself I realised what was happening with me. I was making movies about disasters in my head, I could feel myself losing my balance and landing on my operated hip, I could practically taste the tarmac as I landed on the road, but none of it was really happening! What I did to improve my confidence was to sort out a couple of memories of when I was riding fast, thoroughly enjoying myself and feeling great and whenever I caught myself making the negative movies again I made myself think of these two other occasions that I'd chosen and I felt completely different. It was such a relief to find I was actually making myself more anxious, because it meant I could do something about it.
I'm new here and I only read your post once but I think you said you used to jump quite happily, so maybe there are some memories of it being very good that you could deliberately concentrate on when the anxiety is around? It's called NLP and it works, good luck.

This does sound a lot like how I am when I am jumping. I find it very hard to make myself aproach a jump for some strange reason and I do get very anxious!
I am at the moment in my riding lessons concentrating on canter poles and trotting poles, We are going to start raising the end pole in a few more lessons so I will be going over it without realising if that makes sense?

Hope you method os working well for you and you are getting over your fear