im a bit fed up today, has anyone got a funny joke or story to cheer me up, please!!

you might not find this funny but anyone who shows their dogs will.............

THE DOG SHOW.

First time at a dog show, I’ll tell you quite plain
I’ll never, NO NEVER go back there again!
The breeder said ’show him’ when I bought my dog,
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog!!


They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I just couldn’t bear to stick the thing in !
So I rushed to the shop and bought me some glue,
And stuck the card onto his rear in the loo!

We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the puppy dog class (now here comes the worse!)
We marched in together as fast as was able
Arrived at the judge who said” up on the table’’

This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I just couldn’t make it, though try as I might.
The judge looked quite worried, he said’’ listen here ‘’
Put the DOG on the table, NOT you my dear!

By now I was trembling I felt such a fool,
But I said to myself ‘ we’ll just play it cool ‘’,
‘how old’ said the judge, I heard it quite clear
Well really I thought! And said’ thirty next year!’

The steward, poor fellow, threw some kind of fit.
He spluttered and coughed and his eyes ran a bit.
‘I’d have that cough seen to’ I said to him when
He’d finally stopped coughing…but soon started again!
‘once round the ring dear…as fast as you can
NOW said the judge so I just ran and ran.
But, when I arrived, (out of breath I’ll admit)
The judge said ‘ your DOG dear’ I felt such a twit !!

Off round again, I kept my head bent
Oh the shame of it all my pup went and went!
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure that’s so spicy she’s just got it made!

We came back to the judge, who said with a frown
‘stand your dog’…I replied. .he’s not sitting down,
‘You can take first place stand’ he said ..I said ‘Ha’
What a job I had getting that stand in the car……………..

Pauline xx

here we go;

A Greek and an Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the
superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"

The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum"

The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians"

The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on ...and then
the Greek says:

"We invented sex"

The Italian says, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it
to women.”

__________________
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." --Bruce Graham
There are no rules, rules are only for people who fit inside a box, if you want to think out of the box there is no hope... Life has no Box. (Tony Howells)

hahaha!! to darren, elena and pauline.... you at least put a smile on my face!! very good!!!!

Lovely. Now go and vote for my bro please.

__________________
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." --Bruce Graham
There are no rules, rules are only for people who fit inside a box, if you want to think out of the box there is no hope... Life has no Box. (Tony Howells)

thanks sis!!!!!!

sigh...ive already voted....

yes and you definately made the wrong choice!!!

no i didnt, thought very carefully about it.... anyway your supposed to be cheering me up cause i feel like s**t, stop having a go at me....

sorry... xxxx