Summary of my last year on the computer:

Anele Jessica · #1 (**permalink**) 17-11-2007, 04:25 PM

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only
get answered if I forward an email to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one
about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now
have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I
open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to
a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for
the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.
Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone
along to watch the car so a serial killer won't
crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of
water in the microwave anymore because it will blow
up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since

(continue..)

Anele Jessica · #2 (**permalink**) 17-11-2007, 04:25 PM

(cont..)

they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops or the Salvation
Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore,
and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big brown African spider is lurking under
the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
behind.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick
up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it
probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas
from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 20 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know
this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way.....

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with
their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Have a wonderful Day

mell-e-c · #3 (**permalink**) 17-11-2007, 04:35 PM

He He very good!

plumo72 · #4 (**permalink**) 17-11-2007, 05:04 PM

lol excellent

#5 (**permalink**) 17-11-2007, 06:53 PM

hehe very good!

Anele Jessica · #6 (**permalink**) 18-11-2007, 10:43 AM

Now someone have to write a report "Summary of my last year in/on the Arcade" (or "Pet Forum"!?)

Esined · #7 (**permalink**) 18-11-2007, 04:29 PM

very good heeheee

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