Bored so here's a true story.

#1 (**permalink**) 09-11-2007, 06:07 PM

I'm bored and you lot aren't being very lively!!! So here's a true story from my childhood... you might be able to find a moral in there somewhere.

Ok I'm 11 years old and in my first year at secondary school. I hated Maths..it was my worse subject. One day I got some Maths homework which I really didn't fancy doing..I put it off and off until eventually the day came round when it was due in. So I thought to myself...I'm not going to school, I'll fake an illness and do it while i'm in bed faking to be sick.

So I plotted what to say to my parents... what Illness could I fake. I came up with the perfect scam - Severe constipation!!! No visable symptoms and to top it off when I was a baby I had a problem with my intestine..nearly died..and my mum was still paranoid about what happened to me so I could play on that too...evil but genius.

So I told my parents I had constipation and I got a day in bed with lots of hot drinks brought to me and watching videos all day. It was great... so great I continued it for 4 whole days...and still I did not complete that Maths Home work.

On the fourth day my dad came to see me in the morning. He said it had been going on too long and I had a choice...school or doctors. Well that was easy, Doctors anyday. So off I went too the doctors with my dad expecting to get prescribed a high fibre diet...I couldn't have been more wrong.

After a long wait of listening to pensioners coughing I got to see the doctor...after a few prods of my stomach he said those fearfull words. "Please drop your trousers and pants and lay flat on the couch" - oh my god!!! No only was I in the presence of my dad I was 11 years old...that horrible age of half puberty..one massive ball, 3 pubes...you get the picture!!! and he wanted me to get all this out infront of my dad!!! If that wasn't enough I then caught glimpse of what he wanted to shove up my arse,,, a Suppository the size of a torpedo!!

What was I to do...come clean and say I wasn't ILL? or take one up the ass...well I went for the 3rd option...leg it!!! Now unfortunately I didn't make it passed the door.. the doctor with the help of my dad pinned me down to the couch, pulled my pants down and shoved the torpedo up my ass....the humiliation... everything...felt like my world had ended.

So I get home thinking...ok that was bad,,,that was really bad but you're over it and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But there was one thing that hadn't occured to me!?! What happens when you have a Suppository when you dont really have constipation...well I'll tell you what happens you end up glues to the toilet sh*tting out anything your body can get through it...at one point I thought I'd sh*t a kidney it was awful..

So what's my point? Do your homework kids...it's not that bad!!!