Attention all successful fish keepers!

I have come down from the dog and cat forums because I have just got to offer my admiration and respect to you all for the commitment and work involved in keeping even the most simple of fish set-ups.

I have tried a number of times to keep fish, read the books, sought the advice of experts and trawled the web for information. But despite this, each and every time I have tried to keep the most ‘simple’ of fish they always end up on their sides floating around the surface of the tank in a state one can only describe as dead.

I remember as a small child you would win a small goodish at the fair, take it home and keep it in a large piackle jar (until you got a ‘real’ fishbowl), it lived in tap water and you fed it whatever the cheapest fish food you could find (which always looked suspiciously like Trill to me). Yet they seemed to live for ages, at least they seemed to in my child sized memory. Nowadays modern fish seem to be destined to the big toilet bowl in the sky within a fortnight unless you have a Masters degree in chemistry and a PHD in Marine Biology!

My reputation as a fish murderer is so well known in the fish community that if I ever enter any store selling fish they all swim to the opposite side of the tanks and avoid making eye contact with me in case I decide to make an impulse purchase.

I just wanted to say that you need not fear, I have not owned fish for a number of years now and never will again but you guys all have my utmost and real respect (despite the light-hearted approach of this post).

Well done chaps!!!