Don't think it's as good as the first one, but here's Part 2.

My furry fruitloops:

Further to my previous letter, there are some things I think I really need to explain to you.

Outdoor Playtime: Max, when I ask you to Drop It and Leave It (the ball, that is) I don’t mean run half way down the field with it, suddenly drop it near the base of a tree, sniff the tree and leave the ball at the base of the tree. I mean Drop It where you are (i.e, where I can actually SEE the bloody thing ) and Leave It there so I can pick it up to throw again. Similarly, Milly, I know you love chasing the ball, that’s why there’s a game we call Fetch. The rules of this game are really quite simple – I throw the ball, you chase it, you retrieve the ball, you bring it back to me and drop it at my feet, so I can throw it for you again. See how that works? If you bring the ball back to me, you’ll be running after it again a heck of a lot quicker than your current idea of the game, in which you lie half way up the field and chew the living daylights out of the ball and leave me to come and get it off you.

Training: Oh, lord! Where do I start?! OK. First of all, 1-to-1 training really is as simple as it sounds. Me, teaching ONE of you new tricks/polishing up on ones already learnt while the other is busy with a kong or similar chew toy. Then you switch over so that the one who’s just been training has the kong and the one who’s just finished with the kong has training. I don’t need a crying match because one of you is feeling left out. The idea of this is so that you EACH get individual attention – i.e – 1-to-1 attention from me. I promise you the one who has the kong first WILL get some training about 5 minutes later.

Milly. When I say Paw, I’m referring to those things at the ends of your legs that you use to walk on. You know, the part of your leg that comes into direct contact with the ground? Yeah, those are your Paws. You have 4 of them. I’m only interested in one – and at this stage, EITHER of the front ones will do. If you’re still not sure what I’m talking about, watch Max.
Lie Down means rest your weary bones fully on the carpet so that your stomach is on the floor as well as all for paws. Max – show her what I mean, will you? Max, Lie down… Good boy [gives Max a treat]. See how simple it is, Milly…? So why the heck are you still struggling with the concept when it was one of the very first things I started trying to teach you? Or do you just like getting me to bend over so my behind's in the air?

Camera: Milly, that black thing I point at you or Max (or both of you) on a fairly regular basis is called a camera. It’s NOT an expensive chew toy. It’s NOT dessert. It takes your picture so I can show my beautiful doggies off to the world.

This one applies to both of you. When I’m taking your picture, especially if it’s in the house, it’s only polite to look at the camera. And please refrain from turning around so I get pics of your behinds. They may be interesting to you, but they really are your worst angle for me.

Walkies: Another thing that is to both of you. Socks, shoes, coat and leads = walkies (preferably without a bark-fest). However, turning the computer/TV off, putting my book down, doing my hair, generally getting up from any chair I happen to be occupying at the time, stretching, taking my breakfast bowl to the kitchen … These do NOT equal walkies. These mean I’m bored with the telly/computer, getting eye strain from reading too long, untangling and tying my hair, getting up to give myself a break from sitting, taking my bowl in to be washed and put away... Etc, etc, etc. On the odd occasion they may indeed lead to socks, shoes coats and leads, but they more likely mean nothing of the sort.

Max: When a passer-by says hello/hi/good morning/evening (delete as appropriate) whilst looking at ME, they really are talking to me (I know, difficult to comprehend that not everyone is talking to you, but that’s life) and are not giving you an invitation to go over and sniff any bags they may have or just adoringly into their eyes as you trot alongside them (traitor!). I can guarantee there won’t be anything in the bags for you.

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