The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the bed.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.

I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the back yard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom's & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage, to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.

I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option just after getting a bath.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

I will not hump on any person's leg just because I think it is the right thing to do.

I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.

Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

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After a really crappy day, this made me laugh and cheered me up. Thanks

ahaha that had me in fits of giggles, think i might need to steal it

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owned by:

jake - chocolate labrador
sydney - liver/white english springer
twix - dlh cat
lacey - dsh cat

never forgetting my baby banjo running free at the bridge, RIP baby xx

I couldn't read it as I was so engrossed with staring at phoebe my gosh she's sooo cute!

She's currently snoring her head off by my feet but I'm sure she'd thank you with lots of Chihuahua kisses if she could

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Can someone please tell Purdy these? She doesn't seem to believe me...

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